Some blockbusters create immediate loathing, as advertising ensures a big opening weekend and bad word of mouth cuts it off at the knees. Others seem good enough at first glance, only to curdle like bad milk over time until contemporary audiences can barely stand the sight of them. Here are ten--new and old alike--which hustled the cost of a precious movie ticket out of many, many people's hands before running off cackling into the night.
10. Batman and Robin
($107 million domestic gross)
We know, we know: picking on this one's like shooting fish in a barrel. And in point of fact, if it weren't so poorly regarded, then Hollywood may have never learned to produce superhero films that actually respected the characters. But Joel Schumacher's candy-colored disaster--generally regarded as the low point of the entire Batman mythos--stands as irrefutable proof that people will turn up for anything if you through enough advertising dollars at it.
9. The Da Vinci Code
($217 million domestic box office)
If there's anything worse than an idiotic movie, it's an idiotic movie which thinks it's smart. Author Dan Brown continues to hypnotize masses of readers who thrill to his twists without realizing that most of them could be solved by a bright colobus monkey. Then director Ron Howard strips any sense of pacing or excitement out of the story, declines to explain numerous key points, and hands Tom Hanks enough mealy-mouthed expository speeches to choke a mule deer. You can actually see the point where co-star Ian McKellan throws in the towel… if you haven't already drifted off to sleep by then.
8. Godzilla
($136 million domestic box office)
You can compose this entire list out of Roland Emmerich movies without breaking a sweat, but we'll go with the widely acknowledged nadir. The high-concept notion of creating a "realistic" Godzilla movie pretty much stalled on the tarmac once the titular lizard reached New York and… well, frankly didn't do much of anything. Casting the likes of Matthew Broderick and Hank Azaria over bigger stars made sense--who wants to compete with the lizard?--but without any interesting characters to portray, they basically just stood around looking as bored as the rest of us.
7. Love Story
($106 million domestic box office)
Never heard of this film? That's kind of the point. It was the biggest hit of 1970 and if you adjust the figures for inflation, it made more money than Spider-Man, Independence Day and Tim Burton's Batman. Hard to believe considering its turgid collection of soppy stereotypes, garnished by the kind of lovey-dovey dialogue that would make a Hallmark card vomit. Co-star Ryan O'Neal endured moderately well, but his onscreen lady love Ali MacGraw--a big star in her day--is now better known for running off with Steve McQueen than any movies she ever made.
6. Pearl Harbor
($198 million domestic box office)
Everything we mentioned about Roland Emmerich goes double for Michael Bay (which is why we've included him twice on this list). The topper is his lone foray into "important" filmmaking--a brazen attempt to cash in on Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan that somehow recast the greatest American military defeat in history as a triumph for the red, white and blue. The limp love triangle between Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett and Kate Beckinsale, didn't help matters… though the sexy posters certainly disguised the disaster long enough to collect our ticket money.
5. Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
($431 million domestic box office)
We must admit to being a defender of the latter-day Star Wars films. (Our friend Lyda calls us "Jar Jar apologists.") But there's no denying the bitter, crushing disappointment too many fans felt when George Lucas' eagerly anticipated prequel failed to live up to expectations. Painful dialogue, questionable casting and the aforementioned Jar Jar-based unpleasantness left a sour taste in viewers' mouths… which made their willingness to line up for episodes II and III even more baffling. (We actually liked 'em all: what's your excuse?)
4. The Towering Inferno
($116 million domestic box office)
We're back to the 1970s with the magic of Irwin Allen--the Roland Emmerich of his day who managed to turn countless preposterous disaster films into box office gold. Big stars flocked to his banner in the hopes of raising their profile, which in turn helped audiences tune in and perpetrate the hideous cycle (until The Swarm bombed and killed it off for good). His "masterpiece" was a 1974 epic about a high-rise building on fire, featuring the likes of Paul Newman, Steve McQueen, William Holden and Faye Dunaway. The real punchline is that it was nominated for the Best Picture Oscar… in the same year that produced Chinatown, The Godfather Part II, and The Conversation.
3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
($395 million domestic box office)
Did we mention Michael Bay? His films make a lot of money and no one quite understands why. 2009's Revenge of the Fallen stands as borderline incoherent, marked by crude sexual innuendo, racist robots and fight scenes that don't make a lick of sense. And yet the very act of complaining about it falls on deaf ears; the film renders any notions of taste or quality as irrelevant as a fig leaf on a flasher. It stands there daring you to condemn it, then laughs in your face if you even try.
2. The Twilight Saga: New Moon
($295 million domestic box office)
Someday, the Twilight saga's squeeling fans are going to grow up and realize how badly they were taken in by this brain-damaged affront to the vampire genre. Its hateful characters, drooling dialogue and soap opera storylines go without saying, but the most shocking thing about the Twilight films is how prudish they are. New Moon trumpets the virtues of chastity, self-restraint and saving yourself for marriage… everything vampires are supposed to stand against. Even so, the saga keeps pulling in hordes of little girls, and quite a few big girls who really should know better.
1. Wild, Wild West
($113 million domestic box office)
When the star apologizes, something's wrong. Will Smith produced a public mea culpa for Wild, Wild West--securing his coolness from the mortal blow it may have otherwise suffered for appearing in this dreck. Casting him as steampunk cowboy James West may have initially been a smart move, but the constant references to his race threw a wet blanket over any sense of fun… even if the nonstop cacophony of visual effects and witless humor hadn't already pummeled us senseless. The film took $50 million in its opening weekend--more of that advertising stuff--then struggled for the rest of its run to match that figure.
We've been talking about movies like this all week, you may remember the article6 Movies That Didn't Meet the Hype. We have a love, hate, love relationship with Hollywood. The things that annoy us? Try reading