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10 Corporations in Movies You Would Never Want to Work for
Do not send your resume to these companies!
By Dirk Sonniksen
June 16, 2010
There really aren’t any good corporations in the movies. They all seem to be flawed in some way, bent on making a boatload of cash, and willing to step on anyone that gets in their way. These evil conglomerates make for great story lines and have created a slew of villains throughout movie history. They’re great fun, but don’t ever submit an application to any of these guys. For your pleasure, we offer up 10 of our favorite corporations you’d never want to work for.
10. Digital Matrix
Digital Matrix wants perfect models and will go to any lengths to ensure they are blemish-free. These Beverly Hills hotties are sent to Dr. Larry Roberts to get those unsightly imperfections removed, but that proves an exercise in futility, as the models still are not perfect. Digital Matrix decides to make flawless computer simulations of the models, and agrees to pay them for life for their likeness. All is hunky dory until models start dying, Dr. Roberts begins to smell a rat, and the rat turns out to be none other than Digital Matrix.
9. The Soylent Corporation
From: Soylent Green
The Soylent Corporation has figured out a great way to turn that unwanted corpse into a truly bountiful treat. Bogus Oceanographic reports uncovered by Chuck Heston prove that Soylent Green is not plankton, but more likely a chunk of your deceased neighbor’s femur. The Soylent Corporation is a mega-corporation that took full advantage of a world gone awry, and will stop at nothing to keep their dirty little secret, including murdering a priest and paying off the governor of New York.
8. Milton, Chadwick & Waters
From: Devil’s Advocate
Milton, Chadwick & Waters represents some of the nastiest clients imaginable, and happens to be run by Satan. Milton (a.k.a. Satan, a.k.a. Al Pacino) lures a power-hungry Kevin (Keanu Reeves) into his web, and kills anyone who gets in the way. Milton’s ultimate plan is to have Kevin and his half-sister conceive the Antichrist, but things don’t go as planned, and Kevin takes a bullet in the noggin rather than give in to the devil. Milton, Chadwick & Waters would be a horrible place to work if you had any morals, but might not be so bad if you were looking for the fast track to success... and were willing to give yourself over to the dark side.
7. Multi-National United
From: District 9
Multi-National United is hired by the South African government to relocate the “prawns” to District 10. Wikus van de Merwe, a MNU employee, is chosen to head the relocation process, but nothing goes as planned. Wikus ends up with an alien appendage that has the secret, evil MNU lab boys very interested in him. Wikus soon realizes that the executives that sign his checks are a bunch of immoral bastards, with a taste for lies, deception, and torture, all in an attempt to reveal the secret of the alien weapons technology.
6. Cyberdyne Systems
Cyberdyne Systems is the brains behind Skynet, a weapons system put in place to render human beings obsolete. So what could possibly go wrong, right? Well, when the super computer becomes “self-aware,” Cyberdyne decides to shut it down, a decision not taken lightly by said super computer. In retaliation for its bosses’ ballsy move, Skynet launches a nuclear strike on Russia, and judgment day begins! Cyberdyne is eventually destroyed, but its patents are sold to U.S. government, who continues to run Skynet (don’t get us started on the dealings of the U.S. government). Cyberdyne gets high marks for its technological advances, but fails miserably in the “what if this was to happen” area… and they get a slap on the wrist for starting a nuclear war.
5. Silver Shamrock Novelties
From: Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Halloween is way more fun when everyone goes nuts and their heads dissolve and then begin oozing snakes and stuff. That’s the idea behind the masks created by Conal Cochran, proud owner of the Silver Shamrock factory. Apparently, Cochran had his masks imbedded with a chip (the shamrock on the mask), that, when activated on Halloween night, will cause everyone to go effin’ nuts and die! The secret is that the chip contains a chunk of Stonehenge, and that’s what makes the magic happen. Ooh… creepy. Silver Shamrock novelties has the town of Santa Mira in its clutches, and when that crazy commercial airs, everyone is going to die… and we’re not entirely sure what that’s going to accomplish. Oh well, great plan Cochran, you crazy bastard.
When anchor Howard Beale is told his days are numbered due to poor ratings, Beale threatens to blow his brains out on TV in a week. UBS lets Beale back on, only to hear him rant endlessly. UBS sees the possibilities in Beale’s insane ramblings, and gives him his own show, which becomes a hit. The network continues to use Beale as their ratings pawn, and eventually plans his on-air assassination as a ratings boost. UBS was the forerunner to all the crappy reality TV we see today, and proves that a television network will do just about anything to land on top of the ratings heap.
3. Umbrella Corporation
From: Resident Evil
Anytime you have a top-secret genetics/weapons/military lab under the city, it can’t end well, and the Umbrella Corp. is no exception. On the ground floor, Umbrella Corp. is a cosmetics company among other things, but deep below in “The Hive” it’s a sinister lab cooking up the sinister T-Virus. All hell breaks loose when a vial of the T-Virus breaks, creating a series of insane events and turning people into zombies. The Umbrella Corp. is a company that fails miserably, not only for not controlling its inventory, but also for destroying an entire city due to its negligence.
2. Omni Consumer Products
Ridding Detroit of the dregs of society to create “Delta City” can be tricky business, so who better to manage such an endeavor than a super-corrupt corporation called Omni Consumer Products, or OCP for short. In a purely humanitarian move (cough), OCP makes a move to run the police force in Detroit, an idea that would, in theory, rid the city of crime. Caught in the middle is Murphy, the guy who will eventually become Robocop and eventually take down OCP’s legion of shady executives.
Weyland-Yutani epitomizes the corruption and greed that corporations have become famous for. Indeed, these profiteering shit heels are interested only in making a buck and getting their hands on an Alien… a living Alien. Often referred to simply as “The Company,” Weyland has their finger in just about everybody’s pie, from space mining to weapons research, and yes, they even have their own beer. The gang at Weyland-Yutani tops our list for being the sleazebags of interstellar travel, and setting the bar high for all corrupt megacorporations that follow in their footsteps.
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