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10 Fake Companies We Want to Work For

A case of the Mondays.

By Rob Wieland     March 07, 2011

 Most people believe themselves to be overworked and underpayed. In the fictional universes discussed on this site, it can sometimes be difficult to remember that beyond the costumed heroes or mystic villains, there are thousands of working stiffs that just want to make it to the next paycheck. This is our list of the fictional companies that would, if not be great to work for, would at least make things more interesting.

 

WayneTech - The Dark Knight

The employees may not know it but they are an important part of Batman. Wayne uses his fortune to fight crime and take on villains like Scarecrow and Joker. When Wayne uses a take over attempt to find out information on criminal links to business, his employees do his legwork. Doug in Accounting goes from being the annoying guy who chews too loud in the cube next to you to letting the Bat crash through a window and punch out some bad guys. Lucius Fox also seems like a pretty cool boss, too.

 

Stark Industries - Iron Man

He was the world’s biggest arms manufacturer, but after a literal change of heart, Tony Stark It seems like he gets to play with the Iron Man armor all by himself, which is a shame, but imagine how much cool stuff he must come up with in his spare time that he hands off to the R&D department. The beginning of Iron Man 2 also shows he knows how to throw one heck of a company party.

 

Initech - Office Space

The truth is, most people already work for a company like this. It’s one of the reasons this comedy picked up a huge cult following. It’s easy to relate to the inane small talk, passive-aggressive supervisors and paper-shuffling busy work in your own life and feel for the leads and their crazy scheme. It makes this list because of what happens at the end of the movie. Poor put upon Milton, pushed to his breaking point, finally acts on his mumbled threats and burns the office down. Initech employees get an awesome story to tell whether it’s in an interview with their next employer or at Flinger’s catching up with old co-workers.

 

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry - Harry Potter

Hogwarts has all the trapping of a private school - the uniforms, the boarding, the crests. An operation like that must require a large support staff of muggles. Hagrid represents this army of janitors, secretaries and non-wizards in the books, but getting a job amongst the magic and intrigue of the school must be pretty sweet. They probably even have a flying carpool program.

 

Vault-Tec - Fallout

It speaks to the quality of their products that they lasted past whatever calamity befell the world of Fallout. It also speaks to their naive optimism how upbeat the mascot stays whether he’s been shot, irradiated or otherwise mutilated. They also built most of the shelters that allowed small clumps of humanity protection against becoming Super Mutants. Hopefully, there’s an employee discount on a bunk in a Vault.

 

OCP - Robocop

With a rough economy featuring shrinking benefits and daily job cuts, at least evil corporations like Omni Consumer Products offer job security. They have awesome health insurance and may even cover you beyond death if you have the right skillset like Officer Murphy. The Delta City project seems like one of those fat government contracts that drags on for decades. Besides, they just sponsored a real-life statue of Robocop in Detroit. They can’t be all bad.’

 

Lacuna, Inc. - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Erasing memories of people seems like a heartbreaker of a job. People come in wanting to forget spouses, significant others, job loss and so on. This is the perfect job for people addicted to reality TV. You get to watch the most dramatic moments of people’s lives just before they disappear. They might not remember but you will. And it sure beats working at Rekall.

 

Ghostbusters - Ghostbusters

Winston Zeddmore famously says “This job isn’t worth eleven-five a year.” Adjusted for inflation, that comes out to a salary of about $24,000. The pay might not be great, but what other job lets you crack jokes in the face of terrifying ghosts, spend your day reading Tobin’s Spirit Guide and blast away with a nuclear-accelerated particle beam?

 

Tyrell Corporation - Blade Runner

The sprawling Tyrell Corporation builds robots that look like humans for a variety of tasks. The huge building that Deckard flies over must be full of thousands if not millions of employees. Some of the ancilliary fiction implies the Tyrell buildign is actually an arcology. Employees are born, live work and die all within that massive building. If that seems like too much corporate drudgery, who knows. Perhaps you are another secret replicant project and all your memories are fake, too.

 

Acme - Warner Brothers Cartoons

Easiest job in the world. Draw up a ridiculous device. Throw two scoops of explosives, sharp objects and other dangerous components.into a box with the plans. Mail the package to a supergenius in the desert. The only thing that makes us wonder - how does Wile E. Coyote pay for all his orders?

COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

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ashamel 3/7/2011 12:39:19 AM

Hogwarts has house elves for support staff. Before SPEW, anyway.

Hopefully that's enough pedantry for one day.

JarrodSarafin 3/7/2011 12:41:29 AM

One of the obvious choices that some how doesn't make this list....One that I'd work for in a heartbeat is obviously, The Empire.

Yes, from taking orders from The Emperor to worrying about choke holds from Sir Vader, I would think that being employed by the "Empire" would still be a pretty cool position to have. At least, on the lower levels where the powers (Sith) that be wouldn't notice me.

Have to wonder how any number of Star Wars or Star Trek jobs didn't make this list,  Rob. Were you purposely keeping them off your radar here? Too obvious?

Someone had to feed the stormtroopers or program the Enterprise computer....Robot Chicken did a real funny spoof on the small-level jobs in Star Wars not too long ago too...

Johnnyathm1 3/7/2011 2:18:23 AM

What about Weyland-Yutani ? "Building Better Worlds" is their slogan. Who doesnt want to be involved in Terra-Forming? Besides, if you have what it takes and move up fast enough, you might be able to get into the Biowarfare division...and that folks, is where things start to get interesting.

FerretJohn 3/7/2011 3:04:58 AM

Do I really need to point out that Hogwarts isn't a company?  Now Weasley Wizard Wheezes, THAT'S a Company!

Wiseguy 3/7/2011 5:27:25 AM

How about Resources Development Administration ( RDA) as part of their security. You get to travel to foreign and exotic places and the chance to kill,  and get paid for it what can be better :)

goldeneyez 3/7/2011 5:32:40 AM

Working for the Umbrella Corporation might be interesting not in a good way... or Cerberus in Mass Effect.

mazecontroller 3/7/2011 6:45:21 AM

I had a long discussion with my local HP experts and they agreed Hogwarts was a private school. Since you have to pay for it, it went on the list. And there were house elves, but also humans like Hagrid, so there has to be a support staff that handles paperwork, lost wands, school nurses and so forth.

As for the Empire and the Federation, those are both governments and therefore not companies. There's the Clerks argument about private contractors on the Death Star, but that seems like an article unto itself.

Weyland-Yutani keeps sending it's employees to get impregnated by the Xenomorph. No thanks, I'll go to Sherri's birthday party at Flinger's instead.

trollman 3/7/2011 6:46:44 AM

We all forgot about "The COMPANY".  Why wouldn't you want to work for a company that deems the aquisition of an ALIEN lifeform more valuable than a multi-billion dollar Space Mining  facility and it's hypersleepy crew. Same said COMPANY then also sacrifices 40 families and another multi-billion bollar facility, this one an atmospheric teraformer, just to secure the eggs of these ALIENS.  They don't even fire you after they shift the blame for their mistakes onto the only surviving member of the flight crew, they just cross train you to run loaders on the docks, and you get to keep the cat.  I wanna work for a company that can just request a Colonial Marine Deep space assult ship to check out a colony with a "downed transmitter".

trollman 3/7/2011 6:51:36 AM

They never called it Weyland-Yutani in the first 2 movies wich are the only good ones.

makabriel 3/7/2011 7:53:15 AM

 Actually in the director's cut of Aliens they did..

 

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