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10 Signs You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga

In Honor of The People Vs. George Lucas

By Joe Oesterle     March 24, 2010
Source: www.joeartistwriter.com

10 Signs You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga
© Mania/Bob Trate


Described as a “twisted love letter” to Star Wars creator George Lucas, The People Vs. George Lucas is an upcoming documentary, which has given a decided majority of discontented Star Wars enthusiasts the chance to vent at the man they once considered an infallible story-telling genius.
Many a self-described obsessed fan of the original trilogy (more commonly known as “the good ones”) has tried to deal with the pain and the disappointment over the prequel trilogy (or as insiders prefer to call them, “the sucky ones.”)
We at Mania caught up with intergalactic comedian Jango Fettworthy at an open mic in front of a brick wall in a galaxy far, far away, to get his “hilarious” take in a routine he calls, “10 Signs You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.” Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jango Fettworthy…..

10. If you have ever gained even more appreciation for the fighting skills of little-known Nautolan Jedi Master, Kit Fisto after snagging your tendrils on your own light saber while battling someone else at a “Star Wars Only” Halloween Party, You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.


9. If you’ve ever thought about shooting anyone under the table who disagrees with the simple fact that by having Greedo shoot first, Lucas changed an integral character arc to Han Solo’s progression from self-absorbed outlaw smuggler to bona fide swashbuckling good guy hero, You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.

8. If you refuse to throw away your laser disc player because that device is still the only way you can enjoy the cleanest versions of some of the “extra bonus material,” You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.

7. If the mention of this single hyphenated word, Midi-chlorians  –  just made you put your fist through your computer screen and you are now unable to read the rest of this article, You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.

6. If you’re more familiar with the work of legendary comedian Art Carney through his role as friendly Kashyyyk trader Saun Dann in the in The Star Wars Holiday Special, than his portrayal of “The Archer” in the 1966 Batman TV series, You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.

5. If you look down you nose at collectors who only have the Hasbro versions of the action figures, (whether they’re in the original packaging or not) while enjoying the rush of superiority you feel because you still own, and proudly display, a pristine Kenner version, You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.

4. If proudly displaying the aforementioned Kenner version toys in your living room has cost you one or more romantic relationships, You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.

3. If you’ve ever given a satisfied and approving winking nod to another Star Wars fan after he/she (but let’s face it, it’s probably a he) properly recited the serial numbers of the trash compactor, (3263827) You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.

2. If you’ve ever happily waited in line for over 3 hours to get Michael Culver’s autograph (Captain Needa) while steadfastly refusing to wait the 20 seconds it takes for Jake Lloyd (a.ka. “Mannequin” Skywalker) to scratch out his own name at the same collector’s convention, You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.
…and finally,

1. If you’ve ever woken up from a blissful dream only to let out a blood curdling scream when the horrifying truth hits you - George Lucas did not (despite what you and all your friends fervently believed in 2002 would be a sincere and fair gesture of goodwill) kill off Jar Jar Binks within the first 3 minutes of Episode II, The Attack of the Clones, You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.
Thank you everybody. You’ve been a great audience. Try the Bantha Steaks, and don’t forget to tip your five-armed waitress.


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 Joe Oesterle says, read his story about the world’s heaviest Elvis impersonator. Not for Joe’s sake, but for your own.



Showing items 1 - 10 of 30
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Darkknight2280 3/24/2010 5:27:57 AM

IM a true star wars fan! I love every aspect of it , except Jar Jar, but i do enjoy making fun of him! I liked everyone of the movie (to me there were no "sucky ones") although the original trilogy movies are my favs! I have waited in line to get Capt. Needa's autograph and i have even waited in like to get Jeremy bulloch's autograph (incase you dont know who that is...he played Boba Fett in the original trilogy) I have also stood in line for 3-4 hours long to buy an exclusive Celebration II and III figure. I have stood in line in front of a target to get 1st dibbs on exclusive figures and it goes without saying i have stood in line for many midnight showings of star wars movies. My official religon is Sith! I know the history of Sith order and most of the Jedi order.

I love being a Star Wars Geek! 

Darkknight2280 3/24/2010 5:29:50 AM

Very true that we TRUE Star Wars fans have a love/hate relationship with George Lucas. i personally think he is a TERRIBLE director but an AMAZING story teller and writer. i think he should stick to that and leave directing up to someone else. Looking forward to seeing this documentary!

Wiseguy 3/24/2010 5:48:14 AM

What if I own the entire 1/4 scale  premium format figures line from Sideshow cause I don't think I qualify under these 10, maybe 9

Hobbs 3/24/2010 6:24:47 AM

This was a funny article.   I'm guilty of number 8 and 9 but otherwise I guess I'm okay.  LOL

mike10 3/24/2010 6:43:51 AM

As for #6, I only remember Bea Authur being in the Star Wars Holiday Special and that horrible song Carrie Fisher sang.  But that was 30 years ago. The only good thing that came from that was the animated story that I wish Lucas would put on DVD maybe as a extra on Clone Wars.

 I have to say Trekkies really don't have anything on Star Wars fans.

djphillips25 3/24/2010 7:16:00 AM

First off, Greedo shooting first is not a big deal. It didn't ruin the movie. It was a small addition to a small scene involving a one scene character and a sidekick.

Midi-chlorrians didn't ruin the mystery surrounding the Force. We still do not know anything about the Force or its origins. All we discovered is how the Jedi picked their candidates. We don't know if the midi-chlorians are sentient (being microscopic I doubt it), all we know is that their number determine the strength of the Jedi.

Jar Jar Binks. He gets a bad rep. Sure he was annoying. But before the Na'vi, before Gollum, there was Jar Jar. He was the first photo-realistic CGI major character in film. As annoying as he was, he looked great. Jar Jar alone should have won Episode I the visual effects oscar. He was also created as a comic relief, as well as a character for the kids. George Lucas did create Star Wars as a film for families (at the time sci-fi was dominated by more adult oriented films). Lastly, we would not have a Galactic Empire if it were not for Jar Jar. It was Jar Jar that recommended to the Senate that Palpatine be given emergency powers, which led to Palpatine seizing power and forming the Empire. As far as I'm concerned, that scene alone made up for all his annoying behavior.

ddiaz28 3/24/2010 8:29:00 AM

While not a professed Star Wars geek like Darkknight, and while not being guilty of any of the above (well maybe the first, I often prance around the house in Lea's slave outfit for kicks), I too think to be a true star wars fan you have to like them all.  I do, even Jar Jar.  He never bothered me  when I first saw Ep 1.  It wasn't until all the hate started piling on and it sort of became infectious that he started to irritate me a little.  Despite that I still love the flims.  But seriously, there are so many huge Star Wars fans that absolutley hate the newer films.  How can you be a fan if you hate half the saga? 

I understand the aspect of preserving the originals and always being able to see them, but I don't understand the anger with changing them.  I enjoyed the SE versions.  If I were Lucas, I would even go and redo the effects again for the 3D version so they can visually match the newer ones.  "Blasphemy!!!"  I would love to see a CG Yoda on Degoba instead of that stiff ass puppet.  "Kill him now!!!"  Could you imagine how much more exciting the fights against the Death Star and light saber duels could be made nowadays.  You can't tell me the Darth Vader vs Obi Wan fight or even the Vader vs. Luke fight in the originals were even a 10th as exciting as the fights between Obi Wan and Qui Gon vs Darth Maul or Anakin vs Obi Wan in the newer films.  I say let the purists have their original versions, and let me have new ones.  "Cut off his balls!!!"

Ok imaginary crazed fans, that was going too far!

ddiaz28 3/24/2010 8:36:40 AM

I've got one more to add.  If you are suing a company for religious discrimination because you are a Jedi and they didn't let you wear your hood You Just Might Be Obsessed With The Star Wars Saga.

No joke, check it out ... www.thestar.com/news/world/article/781107--jedi-to-sue-over-religious-rights

monkeyfoot 3/24/2010 8:45:56 AM

I'm a big, big fan of the Star Wars saga, though not an obessed fan. I have no real memorabilia, per se. I love all of the movies but some are to me flawed (the first prequel mainly). But even through those flaws I love the entire epic as a whole. It is something no one else in cinema has attempted or succeeded  to the vast extent that Lucas has. Disney would probably be the closest. I mean it's STAR WARS!!!

I agree with Darknight. Lucas is a fantastic storyteller but not that big of a director, IMHO. But that's kind of beside the point in the great scheme of things. I still consider George Lucas to be THE most influential filmmaker in the history of cinema, and we all owe him more than we can ever thank him for.

Almost a year ago, I sent in a scoop about The People vs. Lucas and how they were asking for video submissions. I thought some of our fellow Maniacs would've liked to send in a submission but for some reason this webiste never used it or has even mentioned this documentary until now, so if you wanted to put something in this film and didn't hear about it somewhere else I guess you missed out.

Hobbs 3/24/2010 8:59:33 AM

We all have opinions that is for sure.  I actually think Lucas is a good director and horrible story teller. Do you guys really think his scripts are good?  His ideas might be good but with the exception of the original Star Wars it was Kasdan that wrote Empire and Jedi and Kasdan had fights with Lucas on the story for Jedi.  Kasdan wanted to make it more like Empire in the serious department vs. Ewoks taking down the Empire but Lucas said no. 

Greedo shooting first does not change the story, its changes the characater of Han Solo...and being a main character it is a big deal.  If it would have been some sidebar creature than yeah, who cares but that was huge.  Just like when he had Luke screaming as he was falling in Empire...thank God he changed that back BTW. 

ddiaz,  you have some points but I actually think the Darth/Luke duel in both movies was 1st rate. I would much rather see real people fighting it out than CGI people doing impossible flips and looking as fake as it does.

As far as the prequels are concerned, the first two did suck and I can't watch them without wanting to poke my eyes out but the 3rd one....now that was more in the tradition of the original movies and it worked.  Not perfect but niether were the original ones.  My biggest complaint is actually Hayden who can't act.  Hey Hayden, you don't have to scowl in order to look evil...your actions would have defined the character just fine.  Look at him once he turns, I swear the freaking guy never stopped scowling. 

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