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Toy Manaic: 20 Most Loathsome Star Wars Figures
Sentences delegated to all!
By Robert T. Trate
January 06, 2012
With the return of Star Wars the Clone Wars tonight on Cartoon Network, the Toy Maniac wants to discuss his favorite toy line, Star Wars. Now in all fairness to the flowing scrapes of plastic, they weren’t all given a fair chance. There are by far way cooler Star Wars figures and characters out there that shine better than these. Many of these figures, Dengar in particular, have even had better versions produced. Each figure on the list is analyzed by design, character, and portrayal. Anything and everything is taken into consideration to place a figure on our 20 Most Loathsome Star Wars Figures list.
20. Emperor’s Royal Guard (1997)
Charges: The original figure is better.
Exhibit A: No feet to stand on, literally.
Sentence: To be repainted and made into a Black Hole figure.
19. Jedi Luke Skywalker Theater Edition (1997)
Charges: Being too limited and not handed out properly.
Exhibit A: The lecherous old man that offered the 8 year old in front of me $40 for his.
Sentence: To lose your luster for all time.
18. Anakin Skywalker (Tatootine) Phantom Menace (1999)
Charges: For reducing the great Darth Vader to whiney kid who said “yippee” and “wizard”.
Exhibit A: This figure is the first of several lame figures of Jake Lloyd. The next few figures come with different accessories, that’s all.
Sentence: To be buried in the sand and forgotten.
17. R5-D4 (1996)
Charges: For a character that only blew his top in the first movie he barely deserves a figure.
Exhibit A: For having weapons added to his hull.
Sentence: To be sold into a group lot sale at your local flea market (minus the rocket of course).
16. Dengar (1981)
Charges: Being incredibly lame.
Exhibit A: He looks as if he was a broken Stormtrooper dressed as the Mummy for a Halloween party.
Sentence: To only be played with by the goofy cousin who didn’t know any better.
15. Prune Face (1984)
Charges: For only having a few frames of screen time.
Exhibit A: He is dressed for Endor but never turns up during the fighting.
Sentence: To have his identity questioned as either a Battlestar Galactica or Buck Rogers figure.
14. Snaggletooth (1979)
Charges: You aren’t the Blue one.
Exhibit A: This was the run of the mill Snaggletooth figure. The Sears exclusive is way cooler.
Sentence: Your gun will be taken away and given to a much cooler figure. Now stand in the background for atmosphere.
13. R3-T7 Power of the Jedi Sneak Peak Attack of the Clones (2002)
Charges: For being the lamest of all the sneak preview figures.
Exhibit A: Who cares about a background Droid?
Sentence: To be taped to the back of another figure and sold as a two pack at Wal-Mart.
12. Jar Jar Binks (Tatootine) Power of the Jedi (2001)
Charges: For being an even dumber version of a character we only ever needed one of.
Exhibit A: The tongue. Did kids really want recreate that scene?
Sentence: To be incased in plastic forever and never know the joys of being played with.
11. Han Solo Power of the Force (1995)
Charges: Those shoulders and his inability to ride in the cockpit of his own ship.
Exhibit A: The first Han Solo figures in year and he looks as if he is on steroids.
Sentence: To be stuck outside your own ship and watch it fly away without you.
10. Luke Skywalker Power of the Force (1995)
Charges: For looking like Mark Hamill after the accident even though the character’s costume is before the accident.
Exhibit A: The face and the Ceremonial Luke figure which got it right.
Sentence: To be discarded to a shoe box and live out your final days in darkness.
9. Super Battle Droid Attack of the Clones (2002)
Charges: It does not have the ability to stand (the picture is an optical illusion).
Exhibit A: Simple physics, as this figure is too top heavy.
Sentence: To forever be the first to fall in an attack.
8. Anakin Skywalker (Hanger Duel) Attack of the Clones (2002)
Charges: For being an incredible figure that cannot hold his lightsaber.
Exhibit A: The missing arm and lame magnet gimmick.
Sentence: To be placed under a magnifying glass and melted into the sidewalk.
7. C-3PO with Battle Droid Head Attack of the Clones (2006)
Charges: Unnecessary humor during an epic battle.
Exhibit A: The Battle Droid Head.
Sentence: To have no place in the Republic or the Trade Federation.
6. Jango Fett (Final Battle) Attack of the Clones (2002)
Charges: For having the weakest magnet in the world placed between your shoulders.
Exhibit A: The now headless figure.
Sentence: Permanently headless for all time as the dog ate the head.
5. Holiday Darth Vader (2005)
Charges: Being a villain and attempting holiday cheer.
Exhibit A: Having been painted red and packaged with a holiday cheer.
Sentence: To only be removed from storage for one month of the year.
4. Anakin Skywalker (Lightsaber Attack) Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Charges: For being the one figure we always wanted (Anakin pre-Vader) and not living up to the dream.
Exhibit A: The bad mullet and poor sculpt.
Sentence: To have your remaining arm severed and both your legs lopped off.
3. Darth Vader (Rebuild Vader) Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Charges: Recreating the worst moment in Star Wars history.
Exhibit A: The burnt potato head.
Sentence: To sit on the shelf at comic book convention and have no one buy you.
2. WA-7 (Dexter's Diner) Attack of the Clones (2003)
Charges: For saying the words “Jawa Juice”.
Exhibit A: This is actually the figure of a waitress robot, not kidding.
Sentence: To sit in the storage locker of a collector and never know the touch of a human child.
1. Yarna D’al Gargan Legacy Edition (2008)
Charges: For dancing poorly and making Jabba look pretty.
Exhibit A: Looking like Mrs. Potato Head.
Sentence: Making the number one spot on the 20 Most Loathsome Star Wars Figures.
Check out Robert’s “Top 100 Star Wars Figures” here on Mania. Special thanks for Rebelscum.com for having the most comprehensive list of Star Wars figures on the Internet.