23.5 DEGREES- The Professor’s 2009 Popcorn Predictions - Mania.com



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23.5 DEGREES- The Professor’s 2009 Popcorn Predictions

Et in multimedia ego?

By Professor W     December 06, 2008


What movies will you be watching in 2009?
© N/A

 

It’s that time of year when we start to look forward to next year’s big movies. These are just some of the movies I can’t wait to see in 2009!
 
Quality of Boredom
Aaron Sorkin directs Bond 23, based on his original screenplay. This time around there are no car chases, no shagging, just a ninety-minute discussion between James Bond and “M” about the geopolitics of oil and global terrorism. Sounds electrifying! Rated “Zzzz”.
 
Bruce Wayne and the Joker make a Porno
The two enemies get together in a money-making project only to discover that they have deeper feelings for each other than they previously imagined! Stars Christian Bale and [to be announced…].
 
Norma Mia!
Sure-fire guarantee to be the feel-good hit musical of 2009. Tim Burton directs the musical comedy adaptation of Hitchcock’s Psycho played to a soundtrack of the life-affirming songs of Leonard Cohen, orchestrated by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Screenplay by David Lynch. There’ll be no dry eyes in the house, as the touching, new song, “Blood is thicker than water”, accompanies the shower-scene dance routine. Fun for nearly all the family! A tour de force from Christian Bale as Norman and Norma Bates.
 
The Insatiable Hulk
The touching and dramatic story of an Iowan man’s addiction to donuts. Stars Tom Hanks, bulking up again for this role. Includes Health & Safety warnings.
 
Iron Man: The Rust Years
Robert Downey Jr returns to our screens to face his most terrifying enemy, himself! The UK reggae band, WD-40, have reunited to write and perform the soundtrack.
 
Scraping the Barrel
Robert de Niro and Al Pacino are together yet again for a tale of two retired NYPD mavericks and their crazy attempts to cope with arthritic joints, shortness of breath and failing memory – all while struggling on a police pension! Certain to win at least one Best Actor Oscar!
 
The Seventh Custard Pie-Fight
Ingmar Bergman’s last, posthumous movie is a complete change of direction for him. This is Bergman’s final word on his chilling 1957 masterpiece, The Seventh Seal. The Seventh Custard Pie-Fight is an immensely profound, yet hilarious, feel-good movie where Good and Evil are terrifyingly pitted against each other in a wacky custard pie-fight with side-splitting consequences for humanity. Stars Jim Carey, Ben Stiller and Adam Sandler. Soundtrack by Philip Glass.
 
Quentin Tarantino’s “Little Women”’
The Master is back with his explosive, action-packed adaptation of the Louisa May Alcott masterpiece. Replete with sassy, occasionally racy dialogue and state-of-the-art CGI action scenes. Samuel L. Jackson and Angeline Jolie star. You’ll laugh, but mostly you’ll cry! Soundtrack by Guns ‘n’ Roses.
 
On our TV screens we’ll be able to watch MTV’s long-awaited follow-up to The Osbournes: Sigourney Weaver and the Seven Aliens. A wacky and sometimes breath-taking insight into the home life of the strangest family on the planet! This domestic comedy series will terrify and move you to tears. After Sigourney has put all the aliens to bed each night, we share her adventures as she tries to sleep peacefully! Reality TV at its very best! Must see!
 
The only thing that will distract me from these exciting movies will be this year’s must-have Christmas present, which I just know will be in my stocking: The Da Vinci Cod Cookbook! A collection of all the recipes from meals depicted in the paintings by the great Italian artist, Leonardo da Vinci, compiled by ‘Mary Magdalene’ and Martha Stewart. Some of the recipes date back to the first century! Once you’ve decoded the recipes, you can cook delicious dishes as shown in the Master’s paintings! But, beware, one of the dishes contains a highly toxic combination [I would suggest that readers avoid The Last Supper--Ed]! This is going to be the greatest cookbook in 2000 years! May also contain nuts.
 
Happy holidays!

COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

Showing items 1 - 2 of 2
1 
StarlightGuard 12/6/2008 11:57:10 AM

Ed, you sneaky bastard, you've somehow leapt from the realm of Maelstrom into here?

Something tells me that "Bruce Wayne And The Joker Make A Porno" will be an enormous hit.

Not sure if Hanso would like it though.

Is Maelstrom writing this one? Does it include lines such as Come now Bruce, we have ways of making you excited!

LadyBrowncoat 12/7/2008 2:15:00 PM

 Actually, when it said "To be announced" playing the Joker?  It's me.  Yeah, I just couldn't turn it down once I read the script.

1 

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