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5 Comics That Should Be Rated R Movies
Comic Movies That Need to Keep It Real
By Chad Derdowksi
October 05, 2009
People have been saying it for a long time: Comics aren’t just for kids anymore--especially superhero comics. Hell, even if they were for kids, the only people that are reading them are over the age of 20. So why do movie studios insist on making family-friendly superhero movies? Sure, characters like Superman or the Fantastic Four lend themselves to a PG rating, but there are a whole lot more who don’t.
Here are a few costumed heroes who we think deserve an R rating for their next big screen adventure.
The 2003 movie kinda missed the boat (and starred one of the worst actors of our generation) but the character is too sweet to lie dormant. It’s time for a Daredevil reboot, and it’s time for an R.
The man needs to take his boots off to count the number of girlfriends he has buried. He’s suffered nervous breakdowns. He’s had his secret identity outed to the press. One of his former lovers became a porn star and sold his secret identity for drugs. What part of that says PG-13? And we haven’t even gotten into the organized crime side of things… or Bullseye, a character so depraved he deserves no less than a hard-R rating, not a stupid bullseye carved into his forehead.
Bring Frank Miller on board as a consultant and give Daredevil fans the movie they wanted the first time around.
He’s a mercenary and a murderer and he carries two big swords, an assortment of bladed throwing objects, a few grenades, several guns and… how can this be anything but an R rated movie? We don’t want to see Deadpool just cracking jokes and cutting bullets in half like he did in the Wolverine movie. He’s the Merc with a Mouth, and leaving out the “merc” part doesn’t do the character any justice.
Let’s see a body count pile up. Let’s see limbs severed and bones broken. Let’s see Deadpool put those swords to good use. It doesn’t need to be terribly gory; it just needs to be terribly violent.
The Main Man has been kicked around Hollywood for a few years now and now the former Mr. Madonna, Guy Ritchie, has signed on to direct. Word on the street is that the movie is shooting for a PG-13 rating.
You might argue that Lobo appeals to the eternal 13-year-old that exists within all of us, but that 13-year-old has a lust for blood, gore and violence that a tamer rating just can’t satisfy! Would any self respecting 13-year-old let a group of old ladies and religious fanatics decide what they can handle? Hell no! When we were 13 we were sneaking into Friday the 13th movies and convincing our parents to rent Faces of Death. If the 13-year-olds of today aren’t doing the same, then there truly is no hope for the future.
For the sake of every bloodthirsty and violence obsessed child out there… please make Lobo a film worthy of its target audience. We’re talking about a character that killed everyone else on his home planet and even offed Santa Claus. He needs an R. Don’t worry–the kids will find a cool uncle to buy them a ticket.
And while you’re at it, put Rob Zombie on a strict diet and training regimen and cast him in the lead role. We don’t know if he can act, but damn that guy looks just like Lobo.
2. Swamp Thing
It doesn’t matter if they’re going to make this as a straight-up horror flick about a man turned into a walking heap of vegitation or if they’re going the Vertigo route and telling a story about a plant elemental who fights werewolves and has crazy psychedelic sex with a pretty lady from the Balkans when she eats his tuber root (get yer mind outta the gutter: we’re talking about potatoes here): the concepts in this story demand an R rating.
We’re talking about the grandfather of all Vertigo books here! The first mainstream comic to abandon the Comics Code and go strictly for an adult audience. We don’t need an R rating based on violence and gore, but we we’d like an adult movie tackling adult themes, something the series did quite well when penned by the legendary Alan Moore. Swamp Thing fans deserve it and Swamp Thing himself deserves it.
He’s allegedly the best there is at what he does, but what he did best in his most recent film outings was cry a lot and charm the pants off of ladies both onscreen and off. That’s not the type of behavior fans of Marvel comics have become accustomed to over the past 35 years since Wolverine first graced the pages of The Incredible Hulk.
The entire X-Franchise is in desperate need of a reboot, but since a Wolverine sequel is probably the next thing on Fox’s mutant plate, how about getting it right this time? Remember that time Wolverine snuck into the Hellfire Club’s headquarters through the sewers and left a bunch of bodies floating in the muck? How about that time he cut Magneto’s head off? Remember when he put his claws through Sabretooth’s skull? Fans do, and they want to see that level of carnage displayed on the big screen.
Or to put it simply, if you’ve got claws, use ‘em. Those things ain’t can openers.
We understand the real reason why these films aren’t treated the way they should be. It’s not about reaching a wider audience, it’s about making more money, and a PG-13 rating will allegedly bring in more ticket buyers than an R will. But sooner or later fans will stop coming to see these movies unless they get the proper treatment they deserve. Violent characters call for violent movies. Hopefully Hollywood is listening.