5 Reasons Why GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra Will Suck Comments - Mania.com


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shadowprime 8/5/2009 6:55:31 AM


I don't understand, frankly, the obsession over reviews.

I guess I should offer a qualifier. When I look for reviewers to follow, I choose them based on whether, reading their review, I can tell if I will enjoy the movie. Yeah, that is a pretty narrow, self-centered approach, granted, but... why ELSE would I (or anyone else) read a review anyway? I know my tastes. I know what I like, and what I don't, generally. I would be amazed if ANY "GI JOE" movie got a great critical reception. I don't expect it. I frankly don't even care. If it is "fun" (totally subjective) I will be pleased, and if it isn't, I won't. That simple. I am not expecting filet mignon. A good roadside burger will suffice - for ME. (How do you think the average movie reviewer would react to a showing of 2hrs of the GI JOE cartoon? To a session of reading GI JOE comic books? Honestly?)...

I have enjoyed plenty of movies that got so-so reviews, and some that got TERRIBLE reviews. I have been bored to tears, or even actively put-off, by some movies that got great reviews. Don't misunderstand me, this is not some sort of anti-intellectual attack on movie critics as snobs (although with some reviewers, I think that is a valid criticism). I am not celebrating every low-brow comedy or blood soaked horror movie over every critically-acclaimed "serious movie" or foreign favorite. I am just saying that I have very little concern over things like Rotten Tomato cumulative scores and the like. I don't see movies, or not see them, based on polling data.

It seems to me that many track critical reception and box office to validate their viewpoint, or to attack those who disagree. "See - I told you this movie was great - look at the reviews! Look at the box office!" or "See - told you this movie stunk! Look at the reviews, look at the box office!"  When folks do that, it seems to me that what they are really saying is "I liked the movie, and a lot of people agree with me, so THERE" or "I didn't like the movie, and a lot of people agree with me - so THERE". Well, fine, if that works for you. Frankly, my answer is... no offense... "So WHAT?".  I have never yet walked out of a movie saying "Wow, I really liked it  - because it got good reviews or made a lot of money". And I have never walked out of a movie saying "You know, I just didn't like this movie, because it isn't doing well at the box office and most critics weren't impressed.."

Clearly, the studios recognize that there ARE people swayed by those things. In part, they hope for a big opening weekend for just that reason (and for the quick influx of cash!)... if a movie opens big, some people will assume it is worth seeing. Got that. It just doesn't influence me one way or the other. And some people clearly DO care about critical consensus, in deciding what to see.

As I noted earlier - I haven't seen GI JOE. No clue if it is "good" or not ... if it is good, or entertaining, or tedious, or stupid, or any other thing. Some of the previews left me going "meh" and some looked like the movie might be goofy fun. So I am not defending JOE. Just saying... arguing the merits of a movie via what is, essentially, polling data, never made much sense to me, on a personal level.


TheSleeper 8/5/2009 7:08:00 AM

I don't think this is even about the reviews.  You just look at the trailer and it looks terrible, like a Spy Kids movie or something like that.  

How many times have you seen an awesome trailer, then seen the movie and realized the trailer had all the good parts?  With GI JOE, even the trailer looks terrible!  That is not a good sign, believe me...

longzot 8/5/2009 7:15:16 AM

Anyone expecting Schindler's list is crazy.  This is pure popcorn fodder.  All I want is shameless entertainment.  Sure Sommers sucks yak balls, but the first two Mummy movies were remotely entertaining (no they couldn't hold Indy's jock, but it was a nice diet version of the franchise).

Also, anyone that didn't find those damn twins in Transformers annoying needs to be smacked with overcooked pasta.

redhairs99 8/5/2009 7:22:32 AM

Shadowprime, I swear I heard the line in the trailer where Baroness or some chick sarcastically said "Real American Heroes."

Anyway, my hopes aren't high for this, so maybe it'll be somewhat enjoyable.  Although, I went in to Transformers 2 will very low expectations and still came away wondering WTF did I just watch.  I will say that as far as Sommers goes, The Mummy was pretty good in my opinion.  Now, Mummy 2 and Van Helsing, yes those were quite bad.

Darkknight2280 8/5/2009 8:23:47 AM

I could give a SQUAT about a review for a movie..all i care about is if i had a good time watching it. Esentially reviews and reviewers are pointless and unneeded. But for the midless zombies and drones out there they still survive. Its all based on opinions, we all have them just like assholes, and yes no matter what they ALLLLLLLLLL stink, mine included! :) Why complain you ask? Well its because we love the sound of the clicking on our keyboards! :) I know i do :)

The world will pause a moment the second AVATAR releases in December. ZThen we will wonder why James Cameron has been married to a ship that sunk 100 years ago. lol But it will be worth the wait..i hope.

hanso 8/5/2009 8:30:09 AM

If you give squat about reviews, why did you bring them up when you pointed to LatinoReview and AICN giving positive ones?

rudewordsmith 8/5/2009 8:31:08 AM

 Hanso, in bringing up the cartoon (those of us who have) we are merely pointing out something: This shit was born silly (even the comics were cheesy at times), grew up silly, and who cares if it stays silly? Not every movie based on a comic or cartoon needs to be "re-imagined" into some brooding, mature dramafest. That's just an attempt for adult geeks to justify their fondness for something from their childhood so they don't feel like the nerds people take them for.

There's nothing wrong with loving cheesy shit from one's childhood. But to demand that every beloved property be "matured" up so one doesn't feel guilty for still liking it? That's silly in its own right.

Will the movie be silly, over-the-top, and stupid? All signs point to yes. But the property, itself, has been all three for several decades. So where's the problem? A serious, straight-faced G. I. Joe would be, in my opinion, less fun and more far removed from the G.I. Joe most of us grew up with. Plus, it wouldn't be G.I. Joe.

As for the Transformers vs. G.I. Joe comparisons... Look, so long as this film isn't filled with fart jokes and unnecessary testicle sight gags... Well, Hell, it'll already deserve the pass Transformers didn't get.

Wiseguy 8/5/2009 8:45:07 AM

Hanso, doesn't care for fun or cheese. He wants everything to be a TDK clone

Saintsashes 8/5/2009 9:06:14 AM

This will fight Transformers 2: Revenge of the retarded for the worst movie of 2009. Who will win? And who will care? What happened to the days where story was more important than CGI? I'd rather watch Sylvester Stallone in Cobra than watch G.I. Joe.

hanso 8/5/2009 9:07:50 AM

That's not entirely true you tongue waving basterd. I will do without the cheese thank you very much.

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