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5 Reasons Why Women Love Vampires
What Is It About Vampires That Get Women All Hot and Bothered?
By Liana Aghajanian
September 23, 2009
“I think that every girl deserves an Edward,” a fan writes on the ever growing page of the Facebook group “Because of Edward Cullen, Human Boys Have Lost Their Charm,” referring to the main vampire character in Stephanie Meyers’ NewYork Times best-selling Twilight series. The group (which boasts around 161,000 members) is just one testament to the fact that women are so keenly attracted to vampires, they prefer undead men to those that are living. Whether you fancy sparkly Edward Cullen, Anne Rice’s Lestat de Lioncourt, Buffy’s Angel, Southern gentleman Bill Compton, or Bram Stoker’s Dracula, you can agree on the fact that creatures of the night that survive on a nutritious diet of blood are attractive, charming and within the billows of your innermost desires.
5. They’ll Love You Forever. And Ever. And Ever
Unless a vampire meets his death via wooden stake or sunlight, chances are that if you happen to catch yourself one, he’ll always be around, trumping any hot blooded commitment-phobe man in your life. He’ll not only want to stay, he’ll make you feel wanted, just like when Bill Compton makes sure everyone knows that Sookie is his. We get it, Bill--Sookie is yours. Make no mistake, he seeks out your companionship for more than just sex. The idea that a vampire can control his lust for blood (i.e. his true nature) and make room in his tortured soul for the love he has for you is more than you can ask for and certainly the man who can’t even hand over the remote control doesn’t hold a candle to him. As a benefit, vampires rarely leave their human counterparts feeling suffocated, since vampires give us healthy space as soon as the sun comes up.
Lesson: Women want to feel loved and special, damn it. Make the effort, or you’re getting replaced by a vamp.
Someone bothering you? No problem, your vamp boyfriend will snap them in half. Want to discover the world? Let your fanged lover be your bank account and your personal tour guide, while he tells you about how he was friends with Leonardo Da Vinci and fought in the Spanish-American War. Rich, sophisticated and always in control, vampires have cheated death and in the process managed to not only possess more knowledge than a human could dream of but have gained the know-how of using it for their benefit.
Lesson: A woman who judges you based on your possessions isn’t worth your time, but we do like our men to know what they want and know how to get it. Having the ability to hold a conversation doesn’t hurt either.
3. Practice Definitely Makes Perfect
After centuries of practice, vamps are experts in the bedroom, meaning no directions or explanations required. With their impeccable balance of charm and burning desire for you, can you blame women for not minding being bitten? Sex and vampires might as well be synonymous, and because they appeal to our innermost animalistic desires, proving why women are drawn to them in flocks. In Twilight, Bella Swan can’t wait for the day she can jump Edward Cullen’s bones. Those might be teenage hormones talking, but you better believe she wouldn’t be doing that for any day walker.
Lesson: Love me tender, love me sweet, but a wild romp never hurt anybody.
2. They’ll Save Your Soul
Although at their inception, vampires were considered cold-blooded monsters, they’ve evolved through literature and film to become perhaps the only mythical creatures that not only look like us, but experience suffering and love like us too. Their inner turmoil and conflict of good vs. evil make them the perfect candidates for the hoards of women who would love to be “the one” to ultimately save their bad boy. Angel, the vampire cursed with a soul from Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a great example of the tortured, brooding vampire we’ve come to know and love. Bill Compton from the Sookie Stackhouse series, in an effort to redeem his past grievances, decides to mainstream into society and drinking only manufactured blood. This way, women get to have the perfect blend of a man that allows them to flirt with danger, yet manages to retain aspects of humanity.
Lesson: Feeling upset? Something got you down? It’s OK to have feelings. It’s also OK to do the right thing, no matter how much of your sensitive soul is bared. We’ll love you more for it, honestly.
It’s a well known fact that vampires generally don’t come in shades of ugly. Take for example, Twilight’s Edward Cullen, who is constantly compared to the Greek god Adonis, with his marble like skin and impossibly beautiful physique. Anne Rice’s Louis de Pointe du Lac from Interview with the Vampire is so beautiful, that Lestat falls in love with him and turns him into a vampire. Their on screen counterparts, Robert Pattinson and Brad Pitt respectively, who women go wild for, are proof. As an added bonus to looking great, they tend to literally stay forever young, an option practically every woman would love to have. With a vampire, who can turn you immortal with just a bite, it sounds mighty appealing.
Lesson: Any man can clean up nice if he tries. So try. In the wise words of Cher from Clueless, “It looks like [guys] just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so.” I concur.