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5 Ways That Wolverine Could've Been Sharper

Chad Breaks Down 5 Ways for a Better Wolverine.

By Chad Derdowski     September 15, 2009

5 Ways Wolverine Could've Been Sharper
© Bob Trate


Let’s dispense with the formalities and get down to brass tacks. X-Men Origins: Wolverine was a turd. You can blame the writers strike or you can blame the director, but the bottom line is that when you have a character as beloved as this adamantium-infused brawler, there’s no excuse for such a shoddy flick. In keeping with the theme of Logan’s unstable memory, we’ve decided to rewrite history a bit and play a game of “What if?” by offering a few suggestions on how the Wolverine movie could be better.


5.The Name of the Game
What’s the movie called? Wolverine. So how about actually giving the guy his own movie rather than making X-Men 4? Yes, the cameos are awesome: they’re one of the highlights of the X-Flicks. As big as the X-Universe is, there’s no way that everyone’s favorite characters can be included. Seeing a familiar face (or familiar powers) pop up in the background or as a name on a computer screen is a great way to appease everyone and delight the fanboys. 
But Wolverine didn’t have much more screen time in his own movie than he did in the other three X-Men films. In fact, with the amount of other mutants featured in this film, it just felt like an extended version of the fight at Xavier’s Mansion in X2. The whole movie seemed like nothing more than a vehicle for X-Men spinoffs riding the money-filled coattails of the most popular member of the team. It isn’t hard to imagine a board meeting in which a handful of popular X-Characters were chosen first and a loose script was then written to accommodate all of them. Booo!


4. More Badassery!
Wolverine is a badass. At least, he’s supposed to be. When X-Men Origins: Wolverine was announced, fans were promised a more visceral version of the height-challenged hero. We were supposed to get a Wolverine that was more like the guy we saw at the beginning of the first X-Men flick rather than the guy we saw weeping like a baby with a soiled diaper at the end of X-Men: The Last Stand. We were told there would be more blood, more guts and more all-around badassery and we got… pretty much the same Wolverine that we’d seen in the other films.
Where was the fabled berserker rage? Where was the “I don’t give a shit” attitude that Wolverine is so famous for? Where was the pre-X-Men Logan who doesn’t play well with others? In short: where was the Wolverine we had been promised?
Focusing more on Wolverine’s days with the Weapon X team and showing him to be a brutal killer would’ve given us more of a reason to root for him when he eventually gave it all up. The film could’ve been about his redemption and the people who took his newfound happiness away. And we could’ve gotten some really cool “We’re brothers: deep down, you’re just like me!” moments with Sabretooth and seen Wolvie doing his best to bury the monster he knows lurks within him. 
We could’ve seen a man struggling with his inner demons and trying to determine his true nature: man or animal? Instead, we just got a watered-down version with Logan being portrayed as a tender toughie who’s really a pretty nice guy and mostly pretty damn boring.


3. Change is Good… But if it Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It
Certain elements that work in comics don’t exactly translate to film. It’s understandable and expected that the characters we know and love won’t be 100% true to the source material when they appear on the silver screen. But unnecessary change is unforgivable.
Everyone knows the story of how an enraged and animalistic Logan fled the Weapon X program and hid out in the woods until he was found and nursed back to health (and sanity) by James and Heather Hudson. The movie replaced the Hudsons with an elderly couple and the whole process took place over the course of an evening. We understand that using the Hudsons as they appear in the comics might’ve opened up an adamantium can of worms that was too convoluted to deal with, but a great opportunity was missed to show a beautiful redheaded woman working with Logan until he regained his humanity and the jealousy on the part of her husband when Logan made advances towards her, setting the stage for the Cyclops-Jean-Wolverine love triangle of the X-Movies. It’s so obvious a blind man could see it!
Speaking of animalistic rages, the whole “adamantium bullet” was totally ridiculous and unnecessary. It has been hinted that Wolverine is prone to post-berserker rage memory loss anyway… why even bother with the bullet? Wouldn’t it have been simpler to just have him go into a fury while fighting the big bad and have an X-gene induced blackout?
And don’t get us started on Deadpool. The first 30 minutes of the movie featured a character similar to Wade Wilson, sans the classic costume. The last 30 minutes featured a character who was… uh… not Deadpool. What the hell was that thing? Mega Mutant? Weapon XI? Whatever it was, it was a hideous Frankenstein-like concoction so dreadful not even Magneto could love it. The term “epic fail” comes to mind.


2. Not-So Special Effects
When the movie got leaked on the internet, Fox executives were quick to point out that the film was unfinished. The score hadn’t been finalized and the effects were incomplete. When the movie was finally released in theaters, fans wondered if they were watching the leaked internet version.
Remember that movie Nothing But Trouble? It was a terrible film that was notable for featuring rapper Tupac Shakur’s in his first onscreen performance. Wolverine was a terrible movie that featured Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas in his first ever film role. Nothing But Trouble also featured characters wearing really crappy-looking nasty fat suits which seem to have been recycled for Fred J. Dukes, aka The Blob, in the Wolverine movie. You’d think that by now, after films like The Nutty Professor and Dodgeball, Hollywood would have perfected the art of a decent looking fat suit, but Wolverine set special effects back to the stone age (or at least back to 1991).
Furthermore, Wolverine’s claws looked like they were stolen from the set of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?! Rather than actually build a set of prop claws for Hugh Jackman to wear, Fox decided to just paint in some cartoon ones. At no point during that entire movie did those claws appear to have any weight or density to them or even look remotely real. For shame.
And if we can be a little nitpicky, where were Gambit’s signature red-on-black eyes? They already painted in Wolvie’s claws: would it have been that hard to paint in Gambit’s eyes? For all the cameos and mentions of Marvel characters, you’d think that this detail wouldn’t have been overlooked. Then again, judging by the rest of the special effects, maybe it’s better off that way.
All-in-all, we’ve seen better special effects on Syfy.


1. The Final Cut
What could’ve been a big step towards spinning off a new chapter in the X-Franchise ended up feeling like Jaws 4 – a lackluster, low budget installment that does nothing but put a little more tarnish a once great series. A sequel is all but inevitable at this point. Let’s hope this time around we actually get a movie that’s as indestructible as Wolverine’s adamantium claws rather than one that feels like it’s been left out in the rain to rust.


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Chopsaki 9/15/2009 3:01:01 AM

An R rated wolverine would of cured most of these problems, a new director would of cured the rest. The only problem is you alienate half your audience and at the end of the day sadly it's all about the benjamins.

ponyboy76 9/15/2009 3:06:16 AM

I agree with some points you made but isn't this article like quite a few months late?  I agree Fox definitely used this as more of a vehicle to spin-off other characters instead of it being a full on Wolverine movie. I didn't despise the movie, but you are right, it could have been so much better. It was at least better than X3 in my opinion. They didn't make Logan as much of a pussy than he was in X3. He was about as badass as he was in X2 during the mansion siege.
I do agree that they could have easily used the Hudsons but then they would have had to kill them off and fans would have been pissed.
I really didn't have a problem with the claws. They looked like they did in all the X movies. Maybe a little longer and shinier but that`s it. That's definitely nitpicking.

And they definitely should have showed him actually working with the Weapon X program instead of always seemingly being the voice of reason in the bunch. I mean if that were true then what sins would he have to atone for. Logan has always been a killer. "i'm the best at what I do" says it all. But in the movie they never show him kill anyone, except for the bad guys. Why the hell would he feel guilty about that? Fox, I guess wanted audiences to like him, but to me, that just made him unbelievable as the Logan I know.

The fat suit was bad. I'm pretty sure Gambits eyes glowed a few times especially in the poker table scene and Will Am I was fine, but he really didn't do much. Reynolds was great as Wilson. The Weapon XI was just stupid. It would have been enough to have Logan and Sabretooth cut the shit out of each other or even have him fight the whole Weapon X team, instead of dude with their powers.

Making Emma Frost , Silver Fox's sister was silly and so was the adamantium bullet. The bullet was the worst case of poor writing I've seen since X3. "Hmm, how do we erase Logan's memories?, I know a magic bullet!" Genius!!

hanso 9/15/2009 4:13:34 AM

1.  Remove it from Fox studios.

2.  Remove it from Fox studios.

That's the whole list basically one through 10.

Dazzler 9/15/2009 4:29:32 AM

I am buying it today for Blu Ray.

I am actually ok with Wolverine beng prequels oddly enough since Wolverine's past is actually interesting or has been made interesting.  Better than Vader BS. 

X2 and X3 sucked anyway.

Nobody really cares about continuity anyway in movies in or outside of movies for storyline stuff.  Regarding X1 anyway. 





Darkknight2280 9/15/2009 4:31:05 AM

We need disneys legal and fionancial muscle to remove it from fox's hands! We need to get wolverine back so we can make a better movie!!! LET IT GO FOX!!!

DarthDuck 9/15/2009 5:56:18 AM

X2 sucked!?!?!?   Sorry I can't let that one go.  There is no way you can honestly believe that X2 sucked!  Maybe you didn't like, everybody likes different things, but to say it sucked?

As for the list, 'The Name Game' - I would agree as well as extend it to Sabretooth.  It was my understanding leaving the theater that most of the people had no idea that that Victor was Sabretooth.  There is no use of this name in the first X-Men movie and if all your knowledge comes from the movie, you would have no way of knowing who the hell 'Victor' was!

And my nit-picking thing you didn't mention...How the hell is Wolverine fooled by fake blood and a not dead chick.  Heightend animal senses and all, he could tell she was alive or smell the fake blood.  Gimme a break...

Hobbs 9/15/2009 6:24:56 AM

I'm surprised I just read X2 and X3 sucked...two different movies...and in fact if you like Wolverine I'm surprised you didn't like part 3 because that's what it was closer to. 

The movie could have been better.  I'm hoping we get the Wolverine we were all hoping for in the next one.  Advice to Fox and Jackman. STICK TO CLAREMONT/MILLER story as best you can and it will be the top movie of the summer.

monkeyfoot 9/15/2009 6:30:20 AM

I agree with alot of what is said. I did think the film was OK, especially for the fans of the X-men movies and not the actual comic, which is what that movie was geared towards. But purely from a dramatic "tell a really good story" aspect, we all know there were better ways of doing it.

My main hope is that now that they've gotten the obligation of doing an X-men 4 semi sequel they wil proceed into a much more Wolverine type of storytelling. And one way I think could help very much is please do not have Gavin Hood direct the sequel -please! You will need a much gritier and real directing than what he gave us in this one.

dragon261 9/15/2009 6:38:03 AM

The character of Wolverine is over used and overexposed. Both on screen and in the comics. There was an X-men before Wolverine. There are other X-Men with compelling stories to tell.

dragon261 9/15/2009 6:40:57 AM

And I have no interest in seeing another X-men themed movie as long as the film rights to it remain in Fox's shitty hands.

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