Mark Millar’s acclaimed comic book Kick-Ass is finally hitting the big screen and soccer moms and concerned dads everywhere are self-righteously freaked out. It seems the character of tough-talking 10-year-old Hit Girl is cause for all this hand wringing. These parents believe children are the future, and they’d prefer that when 5th grade girls use the “C” word or the “F” word it’s done in reference to Nickleodeon’s Carly and Freddie.
The fact is ever since Jackie Coogan scallywaggled around the slums with Charlie Chaplin, movie audiences have always found a special place in their hearts for the cute little underdog kid with a bit of an attitude. In honor of the Kick-Ass release, here are a few of our favorite foul-mouthed characters from the silver screen,,,
7. Eric Cartman – South Park
Don’t judge this misunderstood child without realizing he is dealing with some major issues. His mom/dad is a small town hermaphroditic whore, his teacher is a transgendered ventriloquist, his friend Kyle’s mom is a big fat bitch AND she has stupid hair, and on top of all that, his best friend Kenny dies on an almost weekly basis. Is he crude? Yes, is he a dick? Yes. But every gang needs a dick friend, and Cartman fits that bill perfectly.
6. Tanner Boyle – Bad News Bears
Feisty, fiery and ready to throw fists at a moments notice, the less than sure handed shortstop for the Bears may have had some nasty things to say about his teammates, but you have to give the scrappy little towheaded racist this much, he had their backs whenever someone from another team had anything bad to say about his multi-ethic squad. Chris Barnes who played Tanner in the original films, is said to be embarrassed of the character, and refuses to grant interviews or even talk about the movie off the record. Tens of thousands of movie-goers in the ‘70s however still hold a special place in their hearts for the spirited tyke, and have made Tanner one of the most popular boys names over the last 10 years.
5. Stifler’s Brother – American Pie
You really don’t have much chance at not being a potty-mouthed prick when your mom is a loose and boozy cougar and your brother is the accidental sperm-guzzler Steve Stifler. But Matt Stifler proves being the repugnant relative of the break out star of a gross-out teen comedy has its advantages. Mainly, you get to star in your own sequel, and if you play your cards right, you might be able to have sex with three college cheerleaders in one Spring Break weekend.
4. Doughboy – Boyz N the Hood
Once upon a time in South Central L.A., a pudgy little Raiders fan received a daily dosage of verbal abuse from his mother as well as a number of thorough ass-kickings from the local big kids. Doughboy may not have ever learned how to temper his mouth in front of his elders, but he did know a thing or two about street justice. Whether it was confronting a bully who stole his brother’s football, or bustin’ caps in the asses and other body parts of the men who brutally gunned down his relative, Doughboy reacted without ever giving thought to his own wellbeing. Sadly for Doughboy he was destined to be a statistic of blackon-black crime, but we will always remember the street-wise 10-year-old little brother who enjoyed teasing his sibling that he’d stuck his ding-a-ling in Ricky’s girlfriend.
3. Teddy DuChamp – Stand By Me
Verbal abuse from your mom is one thing, but having your old man press your ear to a hot stove is a whole other level of child abuse. And as we can clearly see by now, child abuse is a gateway to the casual use of naughty words. Sure Chris Chambers doesn’t mind talking salty, and his home life is no picnic either, but for pure bat shit crazy gutter spewing remarks, Jesus H. bald-headed Christ, no one beats Teddy DuChamp. We love hanging with Teddy during this movie, but in real life we’d all probably have an assfull of this kid before first day of school recess. The sad thing is, the fictional Teddy DuChamp is way less obnoxious than the real life Corey Feldman.
2. Ralphie Parker - A Christmas Story
For every rule, there is the exception, and Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle obsessed Ralphie Parker is our exception. Ralphie comes from a loving home, even if the living room is illuminated by the glow electric sex. Ralphie doesn’t swear because he’s been abused–although it could be argued that bunny outfit is a form of cruelty–Ralphie swears, because he, like many of us before have heard our own father’s works in profanity, the way other artists work in oils or clay. Ralphie dropped the queen mother of all dirty words, and was punished for his behavior with a gob full of sight-stealing Life Boy. Still, the punishment was a fudging lot more lenient than Schwartz was getting down the block.
1. Little Kid in Convenient Store
And finally, we have no idea if this clip is real or staged, or how this kid has been raised by his parents, but the fact that he is at least as fluent in the F-word as the store’s owner happens to be in her native Korean gets this course little language gangsta an honorable mention on this list
Kick-Ass is here, check out some of our Movie Maven Kick-Ass coverage. Here is Tara's interview with Mark Millar and John Romita, Jr. If you missed it last month, Tara got to check out the premiere in Austin at South By Southwest, check out the red carpet coverage
Rumor has it Buddy Hackett had a very interesting “oral” contract to perform his stand-up routine in Las Vegas during the early sixties. Want to find out why the word “oral” is in quotations? Visit Joe Oesterle’s blog and find out.
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