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The 7 Toughest Movie Holy Men

The 7 Toughest Movie Holy Men
© Warner Bros/Robert Trate

 This Friday sees the release of Priest, featuring a cadre of futuristic holy men who do battle with the undead. Like the Jedi, they possess heightened abilities that border on the mystical, as well as a plethora of bad-ass weaponry to put the harm on any vampire who comes within stabbing range. But they’re not the first preachers, rabbis, swamis or other holy men to drop the hammer on the unrighteous of all varieties.  Here are seven that top the list of the toughest.

7. Rev. Philip Shooter, Hot Fuzz

As the spiritual leader of the Neighborhood Watch Alliance, the aptly named Rev. Shooter is content to remain in the background. But when someone threatens his little hamlet of Sandford and its coveted “Village of the Year” award, he’s ready to rumble… with a pair of pistols concealed in his frock to put down any pesky cops who ask too many questions.

6. Father McGruder, Braindead

McGruder only has about five minutes of screen time in Peter Jackson’s gloriously twisted zombie flick. But not only does he uncork a fresh can of whoop ass on the first flesh-eater he lays eyes on, but he provides the single greatest line that any man of the cloth has ever said in any movie ever. Talk about getting a lot out of a little…

5. The Hebrew Hammer

Santa’s on the warpath, and it’s up to the world’s most kosher bad ass to set things right. Part IDF commando, part Hassidic enforcer, part pimp, The Hebrew Hammer is all that stands between an evil Kris Kringle usurper and the destruction of Hanukah as we know it. But this mensch is going to represent and Moses help you if you stand in his way. Kish-kish bang-bang, baby.

4. William of Baskerville, The Name of the Rose

You know when Sean Connery puts on a monk’s hood that he’s not going to be the “turn the other cheek” variety. A devout Jesuit sent to investigate a baffling series of murders, William doesn’t resort to fisticuffs the way the other holy men on this list do. But his detective’s instincts know no 14^th century  peer and his dedication to the truth never falters, even when the Inquisition threatens to get medieval on his ass. Don’t mess with this one, boys. We’re betting Q branch has him tricked out with some pretty nasty gadgets under his robe.

3. Jerry Connelly, Angels With Dirty Faces

Two kids grow up in a rough neighborhood. One of them escapes the law and becomes a priest while the other one gets pinched and becomes a crime lord. The priest – Father Connelly, played by Pat O’Brien – hasn’t forgotten his roots, however… as in one scene where he knocks a less-than-respectful poll hall patron unconscious with one punch. He follows it up by interposing himself in the middle of a police stand-off, stepping into a tear-gas-infested warehouse to talk James Cagney’s killer into giving up. You’d better bet his flock is in their pews promptly at 9 every Sunday. Bad things happen to those who ain’t.

2. Chieh Yuan, The Shaolin Temple

Shaolin monks learn kung-fu so that they need never use it… except when warlords butcher their father and they’re played by Jet Li. The Shaolin Temple served as Li’s film debut, and while not the first movie to depict the famous monks, it’s certainly one of the greatest. And seriously, no one else on this list can touch what the Li’s slightly dirty apprentice does here.

1. The Preacher, Pale Rider

Is he a ghost? An avenging angel? Or just a humble country preacher with a half dozen bullet scars in his back? We never find out for sure. All we know is that he’s played by Clint Freaking Eastwood, and when he smacks down a band of local thugs with an axe handle, he’s just getting warmed up. The tagline for Pale Rider reads “…and Hell followed with him.” When Clint gives you that glare that cuts daggers right through your soul, you know exactly what it’s talking about.