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The Expendables Blu-ray Review (Article) - 11/29/2010 11:33:40 AM

Oh, and for the record, both Van Damme and Stallone have admitted that Stallone offered him a part.  Van Damme says he turned it down because it wasn't a deep enough story, or the kind of character piece that he is used to doing.  (Yeah, because "Kickboxer" and "Lionheart" were such high art.  Shut up, dude.) 

Stallone says that Van Damme turned it down because he didn't want to be among such a big cast, Van Damme felt he wouldn't get enough screen time.  Now THAT I believe.  (Any man who insists on showing his naked ass in every film he does obviously has an ego the size of the Chrysler building, and needs the camera on him.)

I think Chuck Norris is too busy making info-mercials for exercise equipment. 

The Expendables Blu-ray Review (Article) - 11/29/2010 11:29:59 AM

"The Expendables" was the second best movie of the summer (but for Iron Man 2).  To say there isn't a plot is just flat wrong.  There IS a plot.  Is it overly complex?  No, but there's a plot.  Do we know the life story of the characters?  No, but again, you know enough to care about them and see that they are people beyond just being faceless action heroes.

You want to write a review, Tim, I understand, but you don't need to be overly critical of the film just to distance yourself as a legit critic.  It's okay to like the movie, and it's okay to give an honest review that it's not Oscar material without calling it plotless or silly (although even I have to admit that Dolph Lundgren's scenes were tipping the film from cool to ridiculous).

There's a good sense of comraderie among the mercenaries, and the sub-plots for Ross and Christmas give a bit of depth beyond "these men kick ass." It's also really difficult to develop character when you have such a massive ensemble cast.  So, I get being critical, but you don't have to go overboard.

The Expendables was a B action movie (A- on a curved scale, if you went in with realistic expectations).  It hits all the high points of what an action movie should be.  It's the first decent action movie in the last decade, frankly.  There's no ridiculous Michael Bay spinning camera work, no shaky-cam "Bourne Identity" fight scenes, and no unnecessary CGI.  Just straight up action:  intro characters, set the stage, build a little interest in said characters, and then let them go to town.  It was pure, simple, and totally enjoyable.

Leslie Nielsen's 5 Greatest Appearances (Article) - 11/29/2010 11:03:54 AM

RIP Mr. Nielsen.

"This woman has to be gotten to a hospital."

"A hospital?  What is it?"

"It's a big building with patients in it, but that's not important right now."

Epic, sir.  You will be missed.

Black Friday Time Traveler%u2019s Shopping Bag (Article) - 11/26/2010 9:08:52 AM

I actually still have my shogun Godzilla figure.  He's not still in the box - in fact, he was WELL played with when I was a kid - but he is still sitting in my room.  My daughter has even played with him a few times (oh, those Barbies got roasted as I understand it).

I've never known anyone else who owned one or even knew that that toy existed.  That's awesome.

HALLOWS Has $24 Mil Midnight (Article) - 11/19/2010 4:23:16 PM

 Sad,  but not awful.  I still think the movie will destroy the records of the glittery undead.

MEGAMIND Defeats Unstoppable (Article) - 11/17/2010 11:21:47 AM

I'll wager that Deathly Hallows will pull down $105 this weekend, if not set the all-time November record.  (Anyone know what that is?  I seem the remember that it was James Bond a couple years ago, but I'm not sure of specifics.)

Here's GREEN LANTERN! (Article) - 11/17/2010 11:05:38 AM

I agree with most everyone else on the trailer.  It's Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds, not playing Hal Jordan.  It's too much of his usual silliness.  I don't want to see Van Wilder with a power ring.

With that said, Oa looks AMAZING, Sinestro, Kilowag, and Co. all looked GREAT!  Visually, I think it'll be an incredible movie.  I'm just worried that we'll see way too much Ryan Reynolds and no Hal Jordan.  (Also, WTF is his sidekick friend?!  Though I've been reading comics for 25 years, I'm relatively new to GL.  I don't remember anyone like that friend of his from the comics.)

Oh, and I'm thinking Hector Hammond's head isn't big enough.

DARK KNIGHT Babes & Tech (Article) - 11/12/2010 1:58:17 PM

Blake Lively or Natalie Portman as Poison Ivy!!!!

I think the "romantic" female could still be Catwoman, and they could use Poison Ivy or even the new, female Ventriloquist as the female villain.

Marvel's Point One Initiative (Article) - 11/10/2010 10:59:15 AM

Chad, this is one of your best columns in a while.  You went from your usual, enjoyable snark to full-on blasting sarcasm and angst.  (No, I'm not being sarcastic myself in these comments.)

Marvel and DC have both strayed SO far from marketing to their target audience with some cheap new gimmick, that they've lost complete sight of what worked back in the day:  great stories, great characters, good art, at an affordable price, marketed and sold to kids who were smart enough to read, understand, and care about things like plot and character development.  In fact, it worked SO well in the 70s and 80s that they now have a built-in audience for their new spate of films, cartoons, and even some awful TV shows (yes, I'm looking at you, Smallville).

Now, rather than looking to maintain that built-in audience by raising the current generation of kids to be the next generation of movie-goers, they're dropping the ball by alienating the kids and adults alike with these ridiculously expensive, abruptly short, and often horribly illustrated comics.  And don't even get me started on how Wolverine, Batman, Green Lantern, Deadpool, and even Iron Man are now showing up EVERYWHERE.  It's gone from "extra material on a beloved character," to the source of many "how does Wolverine find the time to be everywhere?"-jokes, to being just outright ridiculous and insulting to the intelligence of all comic readers, regardless of age.

Predators DVD Review (Article) - 11/10/2010 10:21:46 AM

I haven't seen this yet, since I've heard no good reviews beyond "Eh.  It's okay.  Better if you drink while you watch it."  Not exactly a rousing endorsement.

I actually enjoyed the first AvP.  It seemed to be moving the larger story along, gave us a little background to Weyland, and a bit more history to the presence of the Predators on Earth.  The second AvP was just offensive and brutal to a fault, and didn't have nearly enough Alien vs. Predator action (and the Pred-alien hybrid thing was stupid and illogical).  The first AvP was admittedly light in its PG-13 content, but AvP2 was over the top (particularly the attack on the hospital maternity ward - that was just wrong).

I just think they could have mined a lot more story out of where they were headed in the first one.  If only they had better writers on this series. (How often do we say THAT on this site?  LOL.)


Date Joined: June 5, 2009