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So it turns out 2 2 really does equal 5!

11/21/2006 9:37:40 AM permalink

Turns out Ziploc is not only keeping food fresh, it's saving our lives from the evil terrorists. I flew to California on my honeymoon a couple months back. It was a great time. I won't bore you with any details other than this exciting tidbit of valuable information I learned while flying the friendly skies... it might save your life. Now, we already know that carrying liquids, such as water, shaving cream or visine on a plane is dangerous, right? I guess its sort of like the Joker's plot in Batman (1989) ... lipstick won't do it alone, but lipstick mixed with hairspray: a lethal combination. So these items were banned from your carry-on luggage. Okay, you all knew that part... but here's the good news: there is a safe alternative. ZIPLOC. That's right, now you can carry these potentially freedom-threatening items on a plane, but only if you have them safely secured in a giant Ziploc bag! I guess the .02 seconds it takes to break the seal and open the plastic container is just enough time for some courageous flight attendant to spot the possible wrongdoing and (a) alert the authorities or (b) take matters into their own hands. Whew! Thank god for S.C. Johnson & Son and their fine products! Stupid stupid stupid. And... okay, mildly off the subject here, but while I'm talking about stupidity, how 'bout the Commisions Act? Now anyone can be arrested (presumably because they wanted to bring water on a plane without a Ziploc brand freezer bag - clearly an act of terrorism), and they don't even have to tell you why! Nope! And they can hold you as long as you like and they can even torture you! Don't worry though - we're saving lives! We're ending terrorism! Yee-haaawww! Check this out: It's 1984, people! Okay, okay... I'll get off my soapbox now, before they drag me off and beat me. ----------------------------------------------------- "The broad mass of the nation ... will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one."

Tags: miscellaneous rex

Avengers: Ultimate Jerks!

11/14/2006 10:59:11 AM permalink

I don't know about you, but I found both of the Avengers animated movies to be Ultimately dissapointing. Not only was the animation sub-par and the storytelling only slightly above the level of a G.I. Joe cartoon, but the whole team is comprised of a bunch of assholes! They're led by Nick Fury, who is a general or something, and since he's the "tough as nails leader", he's got an excuse. He can be as much of a jerk as he wants. But the rest of the team? Super Dicks! (not to be confused with this kind of Super-Dickery, but similar) Captain America: frozen in ice for 60 years, he is thawed out to complain, feel sorry for himself and disobey orders! Giant-Man: The team's resident scientist, he treats his wife and everyone around him like shit! Iron Man: Drunken playboy, his cavalier attitude clashes with everyone on the team! Bruce Banner: sometimes he's a sniveling scientist dick who pines for his ex-girlfriend! Sometimes he's a big green asshole who turns on his teammates! Wasp: the only nice person on the team. Black Widow: The Russian lady! Thor: The lovable hippie. He's actually pretty nice, probably because he's not collecting a government paycheck. The rest of the team are probably so dicky 'cause they're going into battle with limited knowledge of what's really going on, and most of them just don't want to be there. Sorta like the real army! Ultimate Avengers 2 introduces us to Black Panther, who, being from a foriegn land, is actually a pretty nice guy. Well, he's nice to Captain America. He treats the rest of the Avengers like shit! In the olden days, Marvel wowed fans by creating characters who weren't just steel-jawed champions of justice who always knew right from wrong. They gave us Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four and a slew of others who had trouble getting a date, financial woes, and were occasionally a little selfish. Nowadays - Super Dicks! Pick up a recent issue of Civil War and you'll find Mr. Fantastic ignoring his wife and Tony Stark not only spying on Spider-Man, but also turning on his buddies! Dicks! ... and most comics these days have ventured into the whole "decompressed storylines" thing, which I guess means that stories take 6 issues to finish up so they can be collected in a trade, but also gives us even more of their jerkish ways. Invariably, this leads to a lot of downtime... Now, I'm a fan of the man's work, but I have to admit that Brian Michael Bendis is often guilty of this. I remember picking up that first issue of House of M, being so excited to see if it lived up to all the hype. What did I get? A bunch of superheroes, in costume, sitting in Tony Stark's office talking. Yup. A bunch of Super Dicks hanging out. (I know, it took a long time to get to that punchline, but I couldn't resist) As usual, I leave you with a link to the finest competition of our times... the Annual International Round-Robin Beard-Off.

Tags: comics, miscellaneous rex

bloggity blog blog

11/6/2006 11:38:04 PM permalink

When I was asked to start writing a blog for the legendary and illustrious Comics 2 Film, I naturally said yes. A platform? For me? To write whatever I want? My god, what a glorious idea! I've been known to throw down with a rant or two from time to time. 50% of the time I'm not even making any sense, and the other 50% of the time I'm drunk, but by god, I do love me a good rant. And now I've been given a forum. Only problem is, I'm completely strapped for ideas as of this writing. The pressure of being able to write virtually anything has left my mind a complete blank... So let me try to shake a little rust off by giving you a taste of what you'll be getting if you feel like taking the time to read this. Also, I'm practically retarded when it comes to using a computer, so I'm gonna try and get a little practice utilizing basic HTML, or whatever this is called... Bad language. I'm not saying I'll swear all the time, but in general I tend to say a lot of off-color things. I like to think of myself as being fairly good at it. Swearing is an art form - anyone can throw out some GD's and MF's like a sailor with tourette's, so I do try to bring a certain elegance to the craft. So if you don't like naughty words, stop reading now, lest I forcibly insert my verbal ham javelin into yon auditory cornhole. motherfucker. Spelling errors. Not too many of these, hopefully. I like to pride myself on my spelling ability. Plus, I use spellcheck. But I'll let a few slip by from time to time to make sure you're paying attention. Grammatical errors. You will notice a complete disregard for the English language. Okay, so that's it. Really, I'm just trying to figure out how to blog here, and making a pathetic attempt at being funny, in the hopes that it will make you like me more, and want to keep reading this. Come back soon - I promise it'll get better. And now, I leave you with the Third Annual Round Robin Invitational Beard-Off.

Tags: miscellaneous rex

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Date Joined: June 15, 2007