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Mania Review: The Adventures of Tintin (Article) - 12/23/2011 2:27:19 PM

My Mom used to tell my brother to stop playing with his Tintin.  In my home growing up it was another word for...well. 

Whedon on 3D Avengers (Article) - 12/23/2011 2:17:00 PM

From the answer it seems Whedon isn't enthusastic about 3-D.  In fact I would expect he'd be climbing up the walls excited to be doing this movie in 3-D -if he was really into it.  This sounds like a man who is trying to talk himself into it, or at the very least to be a 'team player.' 

I am not a fan of 3-D.  It's an expensive gimmick and will hopefully die off in time and be resurected again in about 25 years.  Where it will die again after a couple years, then 25 years later we'll have holodecks but I'll be too old to indulge in my high school cheerleader fantasies. 

Battle: Los Angeles Blu-Ray Review (Article) - 6/24/2011 2:54:02 PM

I normally cheer for the aliens and other creatures killing humans, but I actually rooted for the marines in this movie.  It was a great flick. 

Gordon Remakes WarGames (Article) - 6/24/2011 6:17:19 AM

Forget that sequel and forget a remake.  Make a proper sequel with Matthew Broderick and Alley Sheedy.  And don't make it about their kids, make it about David sitting there in front of a computer: a burn out of the dotcom crazes, cuz that's a major plot point these days and he's just logged off from a 300 hour marathon session of WoW; while his woman is in the other room enertaining other men, hoping to get David's attention because he's paid her no mind in years and she ain't leaving him, because he "needs" her.  And well, he was smart enough to have a little money leftover.  Make her materialistic and self serving this time.

So he's sitting in front of his computer staring at a blank screen wondering how his life turned to utter crap.  He's childless, approaching 50 fast, his wife is cheating on him under his own roof and he's a failure; from one of the princes of the boom of the internet now reduced to living his life in a little electronci world.

When suddenly his computer kicks back on and he hears a familiar computerized voice talking to him and it says "Would you like to play a game...again?"

Have it directed by Uwe Boll.  Make Jason Statham the "other" man.  Secretly sent by the government to protect David from the machinations of the now evil "Joshua."  Who killed his "father" Dr. Falken and the rest of the people of NORAD who stopped his last attempt at playing his game. Because David and Jennifer are the last hope for humanity.....   

I need another drink.

 

The Machine Girl Blu-Ray Review (Article) - 5/28/2011 11:54:19 AM

"Heads are blasted with the machine fun leaving only a gaping hole"  I want a machine fun.

6 Films Where the Critics Were Wrong (Article) - 5/25/2011 4:19:22 PM

If critics said: the Rocky Horror Pictures Show is a sad movie that will be forgotten forever and nobody will ever view it again.  They would be completely and utterly wrong.

If they said: it was the greatest turd since king kong ate his weight in food and was constipated for two weeks then dropped a log the size of long island. 

They'd be right.  Rocky Horror sucks.  Two good songs and people getting together to celebrate this turd, does not a good movie make.  The critcs were still right. 

If you were to ask me whether I would rather be hooked with barbed hooks through my manhood or sit through the Rocky Horror Picture Show, I admit, I would choose Rocky Horror...but I'd have to think about it first!

 

Diesel Becomes MACHINE (Article) - 5/20/2011 2:32:59 PM

I'll watch it.  Sign me up! 

10 Things I did Since the PlayStation Network Went Down (Article) - 5/13/2011 4:50:15 PM

If you were Conan O'brien or Seth MacFarlane, masturbating would be on this list.  Two or three times.

The 5 Best Smallville Episodes Ever (Article) - 5/12/2011 11:39:05 AM

Okay, who the hell watched this show long enough to get the best episodes?

The Green Hornet Blu-Ray Review (Article) - 5/10/2011 6:24:44 AM

Jay Chou was the best thing about this movie.  And as far as The Phantom and The Shadow, at least those films knew where they were going...well....mostly.  I don't know where this film was intending to go at all. 

The beginning with James Franco was all right, I mean if his four bodyguards are stupid enough to be all standing behind their boss, doing nothing except waiting to be shot.  They would obvoiously be dumb enough not to search or take a gun that appears to be two desert eagles strapped to each other.  Two very big hand cannons on their own let alone joined side by side.  What the hell, that's funny. 

The movie was stupid and not the "good" stupid. 

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DarkXid
Date Joined: July 7, 2007