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Shock-O-Rama: Vampires (Article) - 1/20/2013 9:59:30 PM

I don't mean to personally criticize those who liked Vampires, but quite frankly, Carpenter needs to be strung up and kicked in the nuts repeatedly for what he did to the terrific book, "Vampires, Inc." by John Steakley (and perhaps you all didn't realize it was a book adaptation).  Dare say, he did worse to this film than Will Smith did to Matheson's classic.  At least Carpenter let us know this was, "John Carpenter's Vampires" in the title, so the massive re-writes were not surprising. 

While Woods was absolutely the right choice to play Crow, the opening scene was great, and the recreation of the motel scene was decent (although having the vampire just slash everyone vs. an all-out hand-to-hand as was in the book was lame), Carpenter took everything that was great about the book and trashed it.  A personal objection is the way he followed the Hollywood trope of making the Catholic Church evil.  In the book, they are financing the war against vampires, knowing that almost everyone they recruit to fight will eventually die a horrible death, which casts a pallor over the communications Crow has with the Vatican.  But there is no betrayal by a church member; in the book it is a female reporter who gets close to the team by pretending to be writing a story about them.  In the book, the central story is the vampires trying to get to Crow to turn him, because of his effectiveness, not some lame thing about a black cross that will give the vampires the ability to walk in the daylight.  If such a thing existed, it would be kept at the Vatican where vampires can't tread, not some lame monestary where the untrained monk's only defense against master vampires is a pitchfork. 

I could give a 2500 essay on my problems with the movie, but the biggest offense was the ending.  First off, having Baldwin's character shoot a giant cross with a crucifix while driving past it in a pickup truck is about the dumbest thing I've ever seen in a movie.  And then having the master vampire and about 30 other vampires just stand around while watching the truck zoom away (and after the master vampire had outrun a truck going 70 mph earlier in the film) was beyond retarded.  To make it worse, Crow, the ultimate slayer, allows Baldwin and the woman who turned him to leave - a head start - which would never, ever happen according to how the character was written.  Just stupid.  The book had an awesome ending that I won't spoil.  You really, really need to read the book.

Comicscape: Amazing Spider-Man #700 (Article) - 12/31/2012 6:44:35 PM

I think what gets the fans all riled up (self included) is the way Marvel keeps screwing with perhaps the most beloved character in all of comicdom.  It's obvious that Quesada is in way over his head and a talentless hack to allow these things to continue.  Yes, part of what makes the character of Peter Parker so great is that he is constantly getting crapped on.  Fine.  But it was real-life stuff that most people reading the stories could relate to.  Have MJ divorce/cheat on him?  Could accept that; happens.  Or have Parker screw around with the Black Cat.  But to make a deal with the devil is well beyond the scope of relatable normalcy, on any level (aside from the fact that it is completely stupid - give up your marriage so your 70/80 year old aunt can live another 5 - 10 years is beyond retarded, and something the character of Aunt May would never have allowed). 

And to top it off, they kill Peter Parker in the Ultimate Universe so some other dopey charcter can take over.  Why not be creative enough to creat a super hero for Morales instead?

TV Wasteland: Submitted For Your Approval (Article) - 12/31/2012 6:08:55 PM

Strongly disagree that "The Dead" is "fairly indifferent."  Very effective chiller about an American soldier navigating his way through the zombie apocalypse in Africa.  Part of what makes it so effective is that the zombies are back to the early Romero silent variety; none of this loud moaning crap.  Silent, deadly, killers that . . . just . . . keep . . . coming. 

Shock-O-Rama: Complete Guide to Cabin in the Woods (Article) - 9/23/2012 10:38:16 PM

No list of monsters is complete without the Woodland Critters from South Park.  Hail Satan!

10 Greatest Moments in Batman History (Article) - 7/18/2012 6:46:24 AM

BetenoireVagabondster - Resurrection started when Superboy-Prime altered reality from the paradise dimension in which he was trapped, causing Jason Todd is restored to life, breaking out of his coffin (Wiki page quote, but in my memory).  He was then in a coma, had memory loss, and then picked up by Talia and put into the Resurrection Pit.

Abraham Lincoln's Five Oddest Traits (Article) - 6/20/2012 7:43:15 AM

redvector: That's complete nonsense that Lincoln was bisexual in any way.  It is based primarily on the fact that Lincoln shared a bed with other men on a regular basis prior to his marriage.  That was quite common back then, given the dearth of hotels in rural America.  I was recently at a Laura Ingalls Wilder museum in De Smit, South Dakota, and the home that she used to live in, they would border approximately 20 people a night who would all sleep on the floor in a 20x20 room.  That's just the way things were done back then.

Slam Dunk Amazing Spider-Man Clip (Article) - 6/13/2012 6:16:03 AM

Looks incredibly lame.  First off, why do the writers think having Peter Parker showing off amazing skills while he's trying to keep a secret identity is a good thing?  Secondly, if they're going to have him dunk a basketball, that's the best shot they have of him doing it?  Not encouraging.

Walking Dead: Beside the Dying Fire Review (Article) - 3/20/2012 11:24:33 AM

8)  Forgot to add that I agree with the commentator from above that Michonne was much too far away to have struck the zombie.  Additionally, she supposedly swung her katanna with only one hand and with a shoulder-width stance, not stepping into it.  Sorry, that's just plain lazy writing.

Walking Dead: Beside the Dying Fire Review (Article) - 3/20/2012 11:20:08 AM

1)  The zombies were not eating Rick's (or anyone else's) horse in the beginning of the episode - it's a dog.  Hence, we have no idea when the zombies began to venture out of Atlanta.

2)  Dr. Jenner told the group that it takes about 2 hours to re-aninmate after death.  So it makes sense that after Rick killed Shane, he was by the body for a few hours before Carl found them.  That gives the zombies 2 hours to head towards the shots, and thus not be in the woods when everyone was walking around the woods.

3)  Biggest error I saw was that it was established the zombies were coming out of the woods behind Rick and Carl.  Then it should have been easy for them to run to the house.  But when they start to move away, they notice that the zombies have already moved out of the woods ahead of them, and blocked their way to not only the home, but also the barn.  Lazy writing.

4)  Lighters cannot light gasoline.  Not hot enough.  Would be nice if that movie/t.v. trope were retired.

5)  Get rid of ninja zombies on the show - where did the one that grabbed Patricia come from?  They were out in the open.  And if they did see nearby zombies, why weren't they running?  Nice nod to a recent zombie kill in the comic book, though.

6)  Hopefully the writers will be reading all of the criticism of Lori's reaction to Shane's death and flesh it out in the first episode next season to make it more rational why she acted that way.

7)  Unless the actor who plays Carl stops aging, how much longer can he be on the show?  Going to age rapidly, particularly with 7 months in between seasons.  Perhaps they'll just ignore it.

Good season.  Look forward to more.

The Walking Dead: Judge, Jury, Executioner Review (Article) - 3/5/2012 1:50:19 PM

Forgot one huge bitch about last night - like in Buffy, where every time someone got turned into a vampire they also acquired Matrix-like Kung Fu moves, it seems that the zombies here all acquire ninja stealth techniques.  How in the Hell does Dale walk up to a partially eaten cow, turn around and face the direction he just came from, and see a zombie standing right there.  Very, very lazy writing.  Also, why would the zombie leave a partially devoured cow to attack something else?  It's already got its meal.  Could have easily had Dale happen upon the zombie (or perhaps more than one zombie), turn around to run and trip.  Much more believable.

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