LinnieG's Blog

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What I’ve noticed about working at the movies is that people aren’t douchebags on purpose. Like having blue eyes or freckles, douchebaggery is something that people are born with. Fortunately, it’s something that can be overcome with perseverance, dedication, and an understanding of basic etiquette. Here are some tips on how you can overcome your douchebaggery at a movie theatre…because that’s where I work, so it’s an environment I’m very familiar with.

1. Know what movie you want to see when you get in line. Nothing is more irritating than having a huge line of people being held up because some idiot doesn’t know what he wants to see. It may not seem like something so terrible, but bear in mind that everyone behind you (read: everyone who wanted to see the 7:00 show and left the house at 6:55 because they have poor time-management skills) will complain to the poor sap who got stuck selling tickets. This also applies to the snackbar. Know what you want when you get in line (if you’re in the back of the line, you have more time to make up your mind). Nothing is more irritating than having someone stand there and stare at everything, because whoever is behind him will immediately start complaining. Case in point: it’s the opening night of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and a woman is taking a very long time deciding what kind of candy she wants. The man behind her demands that I ignore her and serve him so that he won’t miss the movie. The man and the woman begin to argue, and it’s fifteen minutes before anyone is served their popcorn. Just know what you want.

2. Point two – be on time. If you want to see the 7:30 show of Untraceable, leave your house at 7:00. That’ll give you enough time to get to the theatre, get your tickets, get your snacks, and settle in just in time to see Diane Lane do her very best Jodie Foster imitation. Bear in mind that the people serving you your snacks are moving as fast as they can and that they’re under a lot of pressure. They’ve been standing on their feet for five hours, and they’ll be standing on their feet for five more hours. Nothing ruins their mood like someone telling them to hurry up with the popcorn. Also, the person selling you your ticket doesn’t know how long the previews are. We just aren’t given that information. If you show up twenty minutes late, we don’t know how many of those minutes were devoted to previews. Do us all a favor and don’t be late.

3. People who leave garbage in the theatre are the biggest douchebags of them all! Yes, the ushers are being paid to clean up the theatre after each showing, but they only make $7.50 an hour. Would you sweep up a filthy, popcorn-filled theatre for $7.50 an hour and feel happy about it? I didn’t think so.

4. Bring your ticket stub with you when you leave to use the bathroom/get snacks/whatever. Just stick the thing in your pocket after you buy it. It’s just easier for everyone when you have your ticket stub.

5. If something is wrong with the movie – it won’t start, the sound is out-of-synch, the picture is off – it isn’t the usher’s fault. Yelling at the usher won’t fix the problem, and it puts everyone in a foul mood. You need to find the manager, who is usually located at a Customer Service desk. Politely ask where the manager is, and politely tell him or her what the problem is. Do unto others and all that jazz.

6. Be polite when demanding a refund. If something is wrong with the film (it burned up, it stopped unexpectedly, etc), you’ll get your refund. If you don’t like the film, you need to leave within the first thirty minutes in order to get your refund. This policy can vary from theatre to theatre, so ask if you’re in doubt. Also, you’ll get exactly the amount you paid. If you paid $9.00, you’ll get $9.00. If you used a pass, you’re out of luck because you didn’t pay anything. You can talk to the manager and get a new pass, if the film broke down/malfunctioned.

I can regale you with tales of douchebag customers until I’m blue in the face. Hopefully, some of these tips will help the douchebags out there curb their behavior and overcome their douchebaggery.