Maniac Grade: B+
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"LISEY'S STORY" by Stephen King
November 15, 2006
I'm a longtime Stephen King fan. There, I said it. I tend to think of myself as a Reader Of Good Books, but every now and then I like to get down with a nice greasy cheeseburger of a novel, so whenever ol' Steve squirts out another novel, I'm there at the bookstore on day one, trotting up to the register with a lump in my jockeys. So when King's book dropped a few days ago, I was there, baby.
Or rather, SlamWife was there, because I had some other crap to do. So she picked up a copy for me, and had it waiting for me on the coverlet of the bed when I came home that night. Damn, that SlamWife is a good woman.
So I brushed my teeth, put on my pajammies, and curled up with King's latest opus... and fell asleep after reading twenty pages.
And that's as far as I've gotten.
So why the review? Well, I can drop a little 411 about the book just based on those twenty pages, and the brief time I spent manhandling the book itself. And these things are important-- the sort of things you may want to know before making the purchase yourself. For starters, well...
...apparently Stephen King wants everyone to think I'm gay. Or if not gay, he wants everyone to think I'm a 45-year-old single woman who spends her Saturday nights curled up on the couch with a tub of Cool-Whip and a salad spoon, reading schmaltzy romance novels. Know why? Because when you take off the slipcover of the book, the hardcover itself is all done up in this hideous pink, purple and green floral print , with words like "Baby Luv" slopped into the mix. I'm the sort of SlamShut who likes to take his latest book with him to the doctor's office or, God forbid, the DMV if I'm gonna be forced to wait, but I'll have to think twice before doing that with "Lisey's Story," because King has decided to wrap his latest work in a cover that look's like Aunt Tillie's shelfpaper. It's friggin' hideous. Matter of fact, it's so sickeningly saccharine that it's actually, well, horrifying. Which, I guess, is appropriate.
So on to the novel itself. From the wee bit I've read, this is not standard King fare. If you go into this expecting something like his last book, "Cell," which opened with a good dose of juicy violence, you're going to be let down. This is the "Bag Of Bones" King at work here. And what's really nice is that he tells you on page one that the correct pronunciation of "Lisey" is LEE-SEE, so you can instantly berate people in cocktail luncheons, bus station bathrooms, and panicky backwoods hobo burials who pronounce the book's name incorrectly. And if you're a guy like me, that's the kind of information you want to get right up front.
So that's what I've got for now. I'll check back in later with a full review after I've actually read the darn thing. Or who knows, maybe I won't. Like I said earlier, I've got crap to do, and some of it's important, like explaining to a friend of mine why I think ball-peen hammers are funny. Come on-- 'ball," "peen." You do the math.