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The Undiscovered Gate Which Leads Towards Galileo's Celestial Garden

A Place For Opinions, Parodies, Wild Accusations, Plus Cinematic And Worldly Reflections.

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It's Alive! Alive!!!

7/30/2013 7:18:08 AM permalink

It's been nearly ten years since I started "Life and Times of Igor."

But you can read about that in past blog entries here, and an external site. I tried posting the link, but the spam filter caught it. So here we go:

TheLifeAndTimesOfIgor dot BlogSpot dot Com

As I'm still addled with dial-up, posting can be a bit wonky so don't fret if things don't always work properly. Leave it to me to do the fretting.

As of now, the Prologue and Chapter One are up.

Happy reading.

Tags: life and times of igor

Dear Wiseguy: It's Done

3/21/2013 12:58:08 PM permalink

As of today, the novella adaptation of the original 2008 comic book script for "Life and Times of Igor" is complete. We're clocking in at just over 160 pages, as compared to the original 65 in the original script.

Now all that's needed is a final shakedown of the material as a whole, and then someone actually wanting it.

If all those variables fall into place, there's still a healthy amount of material from the original 120 page film script that could be adapted into the novelnovella format. I'd have to switch some details around for the original script to work with all the new material added, but that's done fairly easily enough.

I'd still also like to do the movie version, but this is probably as good as it'll get, and that'll probably have to be enough.

Tags: life and times of igor

For One Of Our Own

3/17/2013 4:03:03 AM permalink

How do I say this? It's not easy, so I guess we'll just say it:

Jakester, fellow Maniac, has left us.

Jarrod has a thread in the Maniac Forums if you want to say something there, or over at Corona.

So long Jakester

Tags: jakester mania

Flaming Ducks Take Flight!

3/13/2013 6:17:48 PM permalink

This entry was originally an announcement on how I was Theees Close to finishing up the "Life and Times of Igor" novella, its page count, and what other things would likely be involved in the finished product, depending on if I get an agent or publisher interested.

But after having revising a page and a half blog entry and trying for the last 15 minutes to get it past this damned screwy spam filter, I've decided to just launch a bunch of flaming ducks at the security program and say "to hell with it."

Prepare, dear Jarrod, to get your fiery quack on!

Tags: life and times of igor

Rebuilding The Life and Times of Igor.

3/9/2013 4:32:27 AM permalink

Oh, how the years have flown by. Or, in some cases, how they have closed in around you.

In the summer of next year, an anniversary will be reached: the original idea that founded "Life and Times of Igor," which then was a short film, which grew into a full fledged screenplay in 2006, and eventually a prequel storyline in 2008 which was promoted as a comic book.

A sizable portion of those I promoted these two projects two were very interested in the ideas, but ultimately they passed on them.

And as my manic writing fits came and went, so came and went other projects I felt were too similar to mine, so I would abandon my projects in fear of being called a plagiarist. 

Now, with the ten years nearly upon me, with gallons of ink utilized and entire forests of trees cut down to accommodate this crazy creation, not to mention Wiseguy's continued interest,, I must say I'm closing in on the completion of the prequel storyline as a novel or novella, with new materials added that didn't exist in any previous form.

According to my check list, I have half a dozen sections that need to be dealt with, a final chapter to be written, and a lead in into what will likely be an adaptation of the original screenplay into the new format.

This morning, while in town, I heard the Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton duet "Islands in the Stream" come across the airwaves. It reminded me of a scene I had devised around that very song from the original screenplay, and reminded me I had work to do, so I'd better get to it.

Tags: life and times of igor

"Breaking Dawn Pt. 1" Review - Chapter 1

11/19/2011 12:52:11 PM permalink

I Have knew it would happen eventually. And, of course, "Breaking Dawn" would be the catalyst.

So here I sit, prepared to revi
ew the penultimate in the "Twilight" series.

This morning, all I asked for was a quiet, relaxing day. I, by no means, got it.

I've made two trips into town today, and the second was to utilize an attempt to hit the Malco in Van Buren to see a certain movie of the "Twilight" persuasion.

If you're one of the few who've been here for the long run, you may ask yourself "Why not go on opening night like you've done in the past?" Simple: the happy fun back pains from my injuries sustain from work, plus the scoliosis I didn't know i had, and factoring the cooler weather which just make it all the more hellish, I decided to forgo being first in line for the opening night presentation. I, in short, did it for my own hopefully painless sanity.

Boy did I screw up.

I arrive about noon for the one o'clock showing, get my ticket, and sit down. Twenty minutes later, the fire alarm goes off and the crowds shuffle out of the theater, into the lobby, past the concession stand to find the popcorn popper is smoking like a wildfire.

That kind of stuff happens with electrical fires.

Moments later, two fire engines arrive, one departs, and a trio of police cars back us away from the building. Half an hour later, the still smoldering popper has been wheeled out, a statement is made about giving us refunds, and the police, firemen of Ladder 1 of Van Buren, and the theater's crew return to the business at hand.

While I shuffle between leaning up against my truck, leaning up against a lamp post, and sitting on the not at all comfy concrete I'm approached by a girl from a small group of people that just has to know where I bought my shoes at. I'm still not sure what prompted that, but I told her the local Academy sporting goods store, and off she went.

Another girl about her age was with her small group and, having arrived late and not entirely knowing what was up, repeated her mantra of It can't close! It can't close!

Yes, my dear, it can and did shut down for the remainder of the day.

About an hour later after all this began, most of the filmgoers had left except for a small smattering of us waiting for our refunds, which was then changed into a promise our tickets would be honored at "a later date."

Fine, so I came home.

I think I'll just slam "Eclipse" in the Blu-Ray player and try to get the relaxation I damn well deserve.

As a final thought, one young man had his camera phone out and I'm wagering he has, or will in the near future, upload a video concerning the whole ordeal. If you see a tall, thin guy wearing glasses, faded tan cargo pants, and a black and yellow Hawaiian shirt then that's me. Your keywords will most likely be fire, Malco Theater, Van Buren, Arkansas, between the hours of 12:00 and 2:00 on Saturday, the 19'th of November.

Happy viewing.

Tags: twilight breaking dawn my life

"Breaking" Maniacs, Pt. 1

11/19/2011 5:30:32 AM permalink

I see Mr. Vaux is rallying the hypocrites again. A new "Twilight" movie must be in theaters.

Well of course it is. I've been waiting a while for it now myself, and up until this point had been too preoccupied to deal with bouncing the slings, arrows, and name calling away from a good franchise that has, admittedly, in the past suffered from its own success by means of those who produce it.

This is by no means a review, as I have not seen the film in question yet. I HAVE read the book, but that doesn't mean I know how the film unfolds. Jacob will likely be unclothed in it, and that's pretty much the only certainty I know about it.

No, this is about calling out the hypocrites.

Frankly, if you don't like it, then I have nothing against you.

Past remembrances bring up the fact I wasn't pleased with "New Moon," but cheered for David Slade and "Eclipse."  What this new two-parter will be like I've no clue, neither expectations, or visions of.

But expecting a fair review of any installment in this series by Rob is like expecting the guys at PETA to eat a cheeseburger, with extra blood please.

Time and time he's made his disdain for the series, even when the main topic has had nothing to do with it. "Vampire Diaries," and TV Wasteland come to mind. And the like minded hold hands, fall in line behind him, and cheer the eventual death of the characters and such.

Most recently, besides the "Breaking Dawn Pt. 1" review, comes the Mary Sue allegations. Bull shit, I say. I won't speak for the other five, but Bella and Crusher's attacks just illuminate the fact the man doesn't get them, so instead cuts them to their needs and pushes the rest into oblivion.

But it's the ongoing treatment by all the current vocal readers which is desparate case of "the pot calling the kettle black." More whining, more wailing, more debasing the fan base and calling the lot of it immature, while being suspiciously immature in the attacks.

These vocal complaints have come from, admittedly, one far end of the spectrum which is making fun of the other far end of the spectrum: angry little boys of all ages pissing and moaning (and their never ending disgust) about excited little girls (and their ever present approval).

I've been defending this series for YEARS at Mania, and actually managed to bring a select few (of the vocal members) out of their ignorance of the series, and actually watched as wiseguy didn't like the first of the series, but for some reason the second.
Go figure.

The "Twilight" series doesn't need me to sit here on my ass to defend it any more than it needs the cranky voices of everlasting ten year old boys to kick it down. It is an imperfect series, like a lot of others, that has more going for it that's good than bad.

As for why I haven't seen it yet, well hopefully that's being corrected tomorrow.

And for all those that want to continue pissing and moaning about the series in the way that you have, the next time you tell this fanbase to grow the hell up, then you really should consider taking you're own ridiculous advice, for you're no better than those that can't see beyond the title and can truly judge it in a fair manner.

Tags: twilight breaking dawn

Everybody Loves A Criminal

10/26/2010 4:23:05 PM permalink

Here in the last week of October, an email makes its way to my home computer. What follows should be made criminal.

The brief back story is that, early in August, I sent out twenty some odd promotional letters for "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story." Some have come back with the "thanks, but not for us" or the "thanks, but we're not taking on new clients as of right now."

That's all well and good, but there seems to be an increasing practice of WGA signatories fobbing letters sent to their offices to third parties to manage their slush piles. If the actual Guild knows about it, one should find out.

But here's the scam as it appeared in my inbox today.

(Your Name Here),

We have read your query letter for your screenplay, (Your Screenplay Title Here). We are a motion picture financing and packaging firm and many of the production companies and agencies forward query letters to us to evaluate and make recommendations. We will selectively consult with talent that we feel demonstrates potential.

If we are going to proceed our procedures are as follows:

We must first receive from you a signed industry standard release form which we will send you.

We will require an electronic version of your script in either a PDF or Word Doc format.

We will need 5 -7 business days to read and evaluate your script.

After that we will arrange a mutually convenient time for a one hour phone consultation in which we will cover the script from both a content and business perspective. In our experience we have found that even seasoned writers are unaware of their responsibility in bringing material to fruition and do not know the steps they must take to insure their own success. We also find that frequently the material is not as ready for the marketplace as the writer may believe.

Although we do have a management division, we are not at this time offering to represent, package, or finance the project. We reach out on projects that pique our interest as a way of getting to know a writer and their work. The cost of the consultation is $100.

You will have ample opportunity to ask whatever questions you like. It is one-on-one and confidential.

The next step would be your reply to this email requesting the release form.


(Their Name Here)

(Their Company Here)

(Their Website Here)

If someone like this should come calling, tell them to go to Hell.

There's no telling which agency sent my original letter to these, because any one of them could be guilty -- and a few of them are. These signatories are held to higher standards to maintain their status. I'm surprised even they would fall to these levels.

Tags: screenwriting

Flip This "House of Usher"

10/15/2010 5:49:56 PM permalink

Why Is It I Hear Lady Gaga Singing "Alejandro..."

As I've continued to grow increasingly disinterested in mainstream Hollywood I've made it an ever subtle quest to find something else to embrace and, hopefully, enjoy.

Questioning Maelstrom and other Maniacs on the topic of anime was the first major step I took in changing the directional winds which blew me into Japan. Some of it has been very successful ("Ouran High School Host Club," "Full Metal Alchemist, FMA: Brotherhood," "Maburaho," "Final Fantasy Advent Children,") and some has not ("Godannar!").

But that's the nature of this beast -- I have to rely on outside voices, my own natural curiosity, and my possibly sharp instincts or lack thereof.

I keep a wishlist of movies online at Amazon as I encounter them, and the same goes for the more unique offerings at TLA Video dot com. They've divided their offerings into the worlds of smut (all male,boygirl, etc.), indiecult, and mainstream Hollywoodetc.

Outside the adult offerings, the Hollywood standards (which are way overpriced, by the way), and some often really, really weird crap in the cult section, I took to the non-adult, not exactly heterosexual movie offerings that were available.

Oddly enough, some of those offered in the queer cinema section was mainstream Hollywood movies, but promoted from a dramatically different angle. "Alexander Revisited," "Troy," "Brokeback Mountain" and such are given the OMG! HE'S NAKED promotional angle, which shouldn't surprise me.

Also in this lot was the Australian indie flick "Newcastle," which was promoted in the above style mentioned and as "gay friendly," which really wasn't the deciding factor here. "Newcastle" was a coming of age surf flick, and it was more so the surf flick aspect that appealed to me as it was the middle of winter and, as I can't swim and I'm never going to lay bare foot upon surfboard, it would be a good way of living vicariously through someone else's eyes in paradise.

I've done what I can to champion "Newcastle." Plus the young man who portrayed Riley in "Eclipse" shows off earlier acting chops as the lead character's younger brother Fergus in "Newcastle."

I ordered a second surf movie in that particular shipment, but it was so effing weird in nature at times I'm just not even going to acknowledge it.

...And When Did Abercrombie & Fitch Start Making Horror Movies?

I keep scanning the same sections in TLA and found, of all things, an updated version of "The Fall of the House of Usher," simply re-titled Edgar Allan Poe's "House of Usher."

"Usher" and "Newcastle" have something in common -- they feature guys not wearing shirts on the front cover. Again, not exactly the selling point I'm searching for. To paraphrase a bad Tom Cruise outing, they had me at Edgar Allan Poe.

I wrote the name down and searched for it on Best Buy's kiosk's. Hey, they've got a copy for sale online, and for seven or eight bucks cheaper than TLA. I purchased a gift card, went home, and had it sent to my house.

It arrived last Wednesday, and I sat down and watched it.

Poe is one of those authors you can discern their original style from imitators and wannabe's. Dr. Seuss is another such author. "Usher" opened with an obviously Poe composed stretch of words which failed to match the image being presented.

The narrator speaks of how the Usher residence is crumbling, but the chosen location looks nothing like the decrepit property being described -- that was the first strike against this version.

Another blow came in the fact that, as I put it to one of my friends, just because you can put a bunch of good looking guys in front of a camera and direct them doesn't necessarily mean you should. Hell there wasn't one male individual cast in this film for his acting abilities. I silently wonder if their screen tests went along the lines of "take your clothes off and look pretty -- great, you've got the job."

The third blow is the one delivered by my own creative kick start I was briefly given by watching this while also considering how this could've been made better. And there was a notion that had occurred to me. There was a chance for some really dark and obsessive happenings to take place, but most of those notions are filtered through my dad's death earlier this year and how I've had to step up in his absence, even with my physical limitations.

I've never read Poe's original work, but I hope to do so soon. As for this update, I'll only say this: if you're looking for something that has guys half naked most of the time and two of them making out in the first ten minutes or so, then this is for you.

If you actually want a good movie, go find yourself a copy of "Newcastle." And if you're into man candy, well so much the better for you.

PS - If you do order "Newcastle" from TLA, be prepared to receive the all male catalog in your shipment, which contains explicit images from their adult offerings. If such viewing options aren't your cup of tea, get it from Amazon. You have been duly warned.

Tags: house of usher, edgar allan poe, newcastle, movies

The WB, Me, And The Prince Of Tides

9/7/2010 12:56:03 PM permalink

...and they shouted out loud, to the roar of the crowd: "same old story, more dollars than sense"...

So we all know that at commercially ideal times, the prices come down to take advantage of current trends to further cash in on modern times in an effort to further bleed the consumer when heshe's already down to their final two pints and looking for a reason to give it up again to live again.

"Smallville" and the WB are the main culprits this time, and I'm the empty body they sucked dry as of this morning. The latest season is on DVD and Blu-Ray, but since I am behind the times in the aspects of previously released installments, I'm the fish hooked upon the chance to spend twenty dollars in order to catch up on what I didn't get to see.

I own seasons one and two on DVD, and after sensing the wriggle of season eight on Blu-Ray for just twenty-five bucks earlier this year, well let's just say I'm an easy fish to catch. And after having the chance to walk the aisles of Best Buy this morning, I found the third and fourth seasons on DVD for just twenty bucks a piece, so the phrase of the day is "Let the bleeding commence."

But I looked down and happened to see an irregularity among the collections: upon the packaging for season four was a sticker proclaiming the pilot episode of "Aquaman" was included.

You may remember this marketing gimmick from a few years back. Back then I'd hoped to get a hold on such a purchase and experience the glow of a double whammy done well.

Now I know I'm an idiot...

Here's the thing: I stepped in my front door, bouncing a bit with joy seeing as how I'm finally getting to fill in the blanks for "Smallville" and as soon as I open it up, the first and third plastic holders fall off the packaging.

Strike One.

The fact that the plastic was cheap was annoying, but I could work around that. And I could very likely fix the fallen pieces with a dab of super glue. So preparations were made and I spent the remainder of the morning applying this god awful glue to the packaging, the plastic, and, somehow, my fingers.

I let it set. And set. And set. I opened it up...and it fell apart again.

Strike Two.

After messing with it for an extended amount of time, I sadly realized that even super glue wouldn't be very super in this fix. Where are you, Tom Welling, in my desperate hour of need?

I've now sworn to find X many slimline replacement cases to put all six discs in. I just hope I can, they seem to have gone the way of the dinosaur, but I'm resourceful when it comes to finding this type of necessities. I realize who killed the prince of tides, how can you tell how it used to be when there's nothing left to see...

The only good things (if there are any) that comes out of this is I did manage to get the "Aquaman" pilot. But even this came with a hitch or two.

I don't know how many of you were able to see a copy of it, and I'm not prepared to do a proper review of it right at this moment, but the fact that it was obviously filmed in the essentially standard widescreen presentation but chopped off on both sides for the promotional DVD is something that just further kicked me down.

Justin Hartley, blond pretty boy extraordinaire, had the title role before he was shuffled back to Metropolis. Watching just forty minutes (or thereabouts) told me this could easily have been a modern day "Baywatch" if they'd executed it correctly. I don't necessarily know if the "Baywatch" comparison is fair or not, and frankly I don't understand how said lifeguard show stayed on television for as long as it did, but I'm betting "Aquaman" could've surpassed it creatively.

It also could easily have been a laughingstock.

But there certainly was something ineffable there. Or maybe it's appealing to my Parrot Head instincts. I'm not entirely sure which yet.

I would've given it a full season to at least see where it could've gone.

Strike Three. You're Out.

But Hartley's on "Smallville," the WB is shoving my cash down their pants, and I'm stuck here trying to decided if I should give in to my obsessive ways and buy a new copy of season four since I literally had to throw away the previous collection's packaging  (I did save the discs and the inlay book) or just abandon all hope ye who purchase things with the WB logo on it.

Or, if I'm really lucky, seasons one through four will be reissued for Blu-Ray and we won't have these packaging issues again...

PS - If anyone's wondering, the above quotes come from "The Prince of Tides" available on Jimmy Buffett's Hot Water album.

Tags: smallvile aquaman wb dvd

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Date Joined: March 17, 2008