amatorian's Blog

Worked up and Blown Apart

Final Verdict
(Tue 05/22/2007 09:26am)
What is the point of a critic?  What is the purpose?  I believe we have lost the way in this one and I haven't been helping it any. 

Critic - a person who judges, evaluates, or criticizes

Criticism - the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding

A critic of films could essentially still be one who could tell another of the better values inside a movie.  But, to me, the best of critics are those that tell you what they despise the most.  Perhaps not validate themselves with radical ideas, but have specific claims.  An idea for a movie may sound retarded, that does not necessarily mean the movie is.  But, should the movie be as such, it is the critic and the general populace's duty to inform the creator that they fucked up.

Building an ego up continuously is detrimental.  It causes one to not change or alter their style to work consistently.  There is a very good reason why I consider Munich a better movie than Schindler's List.  One is a step out of bounds and the other is not.  Fans of video games have said they wish not to see any more damned WW2 games, so we are seeing a possibility of more Vietnam (games tend to be a step behind Hollywood) to compensate.  I have seen so many WW2 movies that I get the point and there had better be something other than, “Nazi's bad, everybody else good!” mentality for me to enjoy it.  Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan is a better movie than Schindler's List because it deals with the details, not the whole, better. 

A critic is there to tell filmmakers when they have fucked up too badly.  Fans are there to tell them as well.  Critics should be listened to more often than fans because fans will pay to see anything.  I saw Spidey 3 knowing it would be worse than the previous installments.  Box office receipts do not a good movie make.  I guarantee you, Spidey 3 will not hit the billion mark worldwide.  But, I suspect Pirates 3 will. 

If it does otherwise, I will eat my own shoe.  I will videotape me slathering up barbecue sauce on my shoe in the event that Spidey three hits the billion mark and Pirates 3 doesn't.  I will put it here on my bulletin and do it.  Why?  My faith in film.  In movie makers and viewers.  That the catchy is not what's needed and there is more to what is required.  Standing upon the door of the precipice, needing for somebody to see great films out of nothingness, that is needed. 

I liked Van Hellsing, liked it a lot.  I say that as a punishing point.  If I can enjoy that movie, and not some other that people say is pure popcorn then you have nothing on me.  I have openly stated I loved Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale in a silly movie about Frankenstein VS Wolfman VS Dracula and will still say to you I didn't like a summer blockbuster.

Maybe my top ten list isn't worth a damn, but my worst of the year should damn well be respected.  Because if I can love and adore the movie Van Hellsing, then those that come afterwards that fail really aren't trying.

Amatorius

Must be Shot #1 - Paris Hilton
(Sat 05/19/2007 11:47pm)
This is merely me extrapolating the basis behind my belief that somebody must die before they do irreparable harm to the entire world.  Perhaps I don't get my point across effectively, perhaps I do.  But this bitch really does need to die.

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As a connoisseur of pornography I have been attempting over the last several years to really boil down the best of the best for my own personal tastes.  Perhaps, essentially, most guys are as such and within their hard drives lies an over-flowing abundance of pornography.  Gigs upon gigs of meticulously categorized video and pictures where most do not get watched all that often.  Variety is the spice of pornographic life.

Since I can proclaim myself a fan of all mediums of film including the triple X rated sort I have full capabilities to effectively review the Paris Hilton sex tape.  Warning, graphic content will follow in the form of dangerous words flung about as visceral attacks upon your mind.  The video has been out for quite some time, so what I say will most likely not be new, but I feel it’s a good beginning for this rant.

Paris Whitney Hilton was a socialite snob portraying her families name as a better-than-you club (which is a distinct possibility).  Worse than that is that she ended up doing so by excessive partying, showing off a more sorority girl mentality as far as sex and alcohol went instead of sophistication.  Born and raised in New York, a high school drop out and inheritor of anywhere from thirty to fifty million dollars her modeling career began early enough to begin the spiral.  By age nineteen people believing that she would become more than merely a New York tabloid phenom.

Full fame for her was to begin with the Fox reality television show The Simple Life where with her co-star Nicole Richie they would attempt to actually work for once in their life.  Reality television is a monster in creating those that need not be famous becoming such because they have the funds or gusto to attempt.  Hilton is no different.  In late November of 2003, just one week before the first episode of the Simple Life, the three year old home made sex video got leaked to the internet giving her reality show a major ratings boost and launching her into popularity.  Renamed 1 Night in Paris the next year when sold on DVD, has become a classic of celebrity porno right up there with the Pam Anderson sex tape from years beforehand.  It also spurned the attempted (and failed) re-launch of professional wrestler Joan (Joanie) Marie “Chyna” Laurer’s career with her own homemade sex tape (not leaked but freely given up for money) 1 Night in Chyna.  With that excuse Joanie had hoped to do what her Playboy spread had done, but failed.

Hilton’s home made sex tape is probably one of the worst ever seen, actually making the Chyna one better (perhaps only because once we see her getting fucked we know for sure there is no penis hiding around there).  Paris seems to be constantly staring at the camera, using the green tinted night shooting mode, posing for it.  Amateur porn’s tend to be bad to begin with; poor lighting and single camera positioning can end up really fucking it up.  This one, though, is far worse because Paris is enjoying sex about as much as a nap.  Her face only lights up with enjoyment knowing that there is a camera watching her.  As a high point, her cock sucking skills look awesome and can only be the reason why somebody would do anything with her after seeing her uninterested glazed eyes.

Still, the flesh of a multimillion dollar whore (did I just type that?) did seem to be embraced by the vast public to the point that we have all felt to this day like paying attention to her.  With almost a sick satisfaction in her self-destructive behavior we await her next attack on our senses with the incompetence usually reserved for those mentally handicapped (no offense to the handicapped). 

Since the debut of her two breakout roles, one in the nude, she has been able to go on with celebrity and garnish even further amounts of money.  Several movies made in which she acts, badly, had her in supporting roles.  Eventually leading up to being the lead.  The best of these I can only assume is House of Wax (it’s the only one I’ve seen).  Although I am an avid believer in watching a movie before fucking with it, I still say House of Wax would be her best movie because she dies in it.  On top of that she has written an autobiography (with somebody else’s help), created perfumes, designed Japanese handbags and lent her name to the chain Club Paris (which she was fired from in early 2007 for not doing schedule appearances).  In all each year she has steadily gained further monetary value above her inheritance.

In her personal life over the last four years she has been engaged three times, all to high-end multi-million dollar heirs.  My guess would be to preserve the bloodline of archaic hierarchies.  She has spoken that she is on a sexual hiatus and is no longer having one-night stands, which could be questionable considering how many lecherous activities she accounts for in life.  Her fame would have granted her the ability to help out P. Diddy on the ‘Vote or Die’ campaign trail except it was eventually found out that not only had she never voted she was not even registered.  In 2006 an event manager successfully lodged a three-year restraining order against her over harassment.  Details couldn’t be found.

Absolute despise for the woman can be easily tallied up.  We are not even going into her recent stints with the law over drunk driving, we know it, and it’s still fresh in our brains.  In a poll by the Associated Press and AOL she was voted the second “Worst Celebrity Role Model of 2006” right behind Britney Spears (oh yeah, I’m gonna rip into that bitch eventually too…primarily out of boredom).  Guinness Records is placing her in the 2007 edition as the “Most Overrated Celebrity”.  How could you blame them when she compares herself to Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana?  Didn’t care much for Princess Di, but Monroe?  How large an ego must she have to pull off that fuckstain of a moment?

We give her far too much credit and my question when it comes to celebrities like herself isn’t so much whether or not she’s amusing (her antics kind of are entertaining) but more for the question of whether we should support her by inundating children and teens with her idiocy.  How many girls look up to her?  Want to be like her?  Do we want to live in the future world of brain-dead women with nothing more on their minds than money and telling everybody how awesome they are? 

In the end it comes down to recent events and best described in her own plea to her fans.  “I LOVE YOU ALL!!!” followed by the statement made by her friend, “…she provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to our otherwise mundane lives.”

All that after her already lacking incarceration was called by her mother as an outrage and injustice.  Fuck you Paris…your life is worthless, meaningless and if you were to die tomorrow the great change to this planet would be one of a collective sigh in relief.

Amatorius

Play on to the Future!!
(Fri 05/11/2007 10:40pm)
Game remakes are not yet a common item.  We still find them here or there, and usually they tend to be sequels on a new platform, with new technology instead of a complete overhaul.  Since I was five years old I have been playing the multitude of games allotted by Sega and Nintendo.  Eventually that added Sony and most recently Microsoft to the fold.  These companies had other companies working on games for their systems and all around the amount of hours I have spent attempting to best a level or a game in it’s maximum of capabilities has been a tad bit overwhelming.

Primarily because I am also a RPG player.  Never done tabletop, hear it’s fun, but I have been playing RPG’s on console systems since I found Final Fantasy 2 (IV actually) on the Super Nintendo and Shining Force on the Genesis (as well as it’s predecessor Shining in the Darkness).  Am I the grand master of old school?  Hardly, but I have a long love of Squaresoft and many other companies with their own achievements to the field of immersion into another world similar or completely unlike or own.

Squaresoft recently has been porting and then reworking several of these beloved games.  People cry outrage over it, seeing it as nothing more than a marketing ploy (which it most likely is), and demand they stop.  Recently it was revealed with the success of the complete overhaul of Final Fantasy III that Square is going to keep going and do the same thing with IV, then V and then VI.  Having had gone to the extreme of getting a translated copy of V for emulation years before it actually hit the states, the question for me is if this is a bad thing.

In no way is it a bad thing.  As technology grows previous technology becomes either harder to find or unreliable.  PSOne games are a niche environment and to come by them through natural ways is difficult, especially when most of the classics nobody wants to get rid of.  I have a copy of Xenogears because I hold no hope out that it will be included in a Squaresoft collection later on.  What they are doing is maintaining by technology.  Even emulators are being left in the dust as operating systems get to the point of being unable to run outdated software.  Putting these games on new consoles (or handhelds such as the DS which is where Square is doing all this) is not just a financially sound idea but also something the fans can hope for. 

I have the PSOne copy of Chrono Trigger because I fucking love that game!  But, for the life of me, it has taken me years to find a working copy of Chrono Cross (not as well-done as the original, but definitely good).  To me Square doing this is much like digitally re-mastering old movies (not digitally altering) and putting them on DVD, or now HD-DVD/Blu-Ray.  Making sure these classics last over time.  I would love to see this happen more.  With the downloadable abilities being offered by XBOX, Playstation and Wii through their respective online capabilities this problem is becoming less and less.  Especially with the Wii, I love what Nintendo is attempting to do there. 

What I would ultimately love to see, though, are collections by companies.  We only get these occasionally, usually with arcade classics.  Why can’t we have a giant collection of the Shin Megami series on one PS3 blu-ray disc?  Would the needed programming changes really be that hard to accomplish.  I have the XBOX copy of the Mega Man collection because it was important to me to keep a hold of a classic game (although simple by many of today’s standards) series that I still love.  Same with Sonic the Hedgehog.  Reissuing not only helps the company but also the consumer, keeping us with fresh copies of games we love and adore so that as we get older we don’t think back and say, “I would really love to play that game again.” But are unable to.

Embrace the marketing ploy, remember that the only reason you still have good high quality copies of classic movies is because they understood the need for re-issuing for preservation and enjoyment.  Play!  Play these classics to your hearts content, relive your glory moments of childhood and hopefully indoctrinate your own children in that which indoctrinated you.

Amatorius

Nauseous
(Thu 05/10/2007 05:13am)
Demographics.  We have heard the term over time used in consequence to film and television.  Essentially it's a pretense that based upon a limited study a producer can determine who a product will apply to.  This has been the single reason for the demise of more television than movie products.  But, the sentiment adheres to movie in a worst way.  Those putting their money on the line wanting to make profit. 

They step in, they alter, they wish to appease everybody.  It's as if there was even a way to do so.  There have been many successful attempts that have went against the demographic assumption.  Must media adhere to a set of rules or even standards that enforce the same product repetitively.  No.  Still, that is what we get.

Infinitely.  Unending torturous similarities.  Popularities, cliche's and wannabes that never end.  Should our eyes endure such hateful scorn?  Is it a needed thing that we must judge a movie upon merits comparable instead of it's own?  Bleeding forth is the goddess of artistic endeavor upon the celluloid frame and we cannot stop it.  As viewers we have a choice, yet we still go.  Even I have been part of the machine, there is no stopping it.  Big business is and always has been the same.

Hope is all we have.

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