David Duchovny directs Gillian Anderson and Chris Bradley Owens in the episode "William"
© Fox Broadcasting
April 22 April 28: "TV-Turnoff Week"
By: Sonia MansfieldDate: Monday, April 22, 2002
So today is the kick off for "TV-Turnoff Week."
What? You didn't hear about it. That's strange. Well, it's not like they could advertise on TV or anything, although I suspect that UPN wouldn't turn them away.
What's the heck is "TV-Turnoff Week," you ask? Well, some organization - whose slogan is "Won't someone think of the children" I'm sure - wants people to turn off their TVs starting today until April 28.
You know I'd do it, but, well, it's totally stupid. I'm not giving up TV... ever. I love my TV. If it were a man I'd marry it.
Who are the masterminds behind this evil plot? The TV-Turnoff Network, a "nonprofit organization that encourages children and adults to watch much less television in order to promote healthier lives and communities." Sounds like an organization that really knows how to party.
I think TV-Turnoff Network's efforts are misguided. They shouldn't go after all TV, just bad TV. I can fully support a "Bad TV-Turnoff Week." I'd have no problem switching off the television when THE FAMILY GUY or WOLF LAKE comes on. "Bad TV-Turnoff Week" would be all about teaching good judgment.
Well, until they take my suggestion of "Bad TV-Turnoff Week," the holy people at the TV-Turnoff Network can kiss my unaerobicized, white, couch potato ass.
So anyway, let me break down the week for you. Oh, and as always, check your local listings.
Monday, April 22
Cordy's back from vacation and has to comfort Angel on the loss of Connor in tonight's all-new ANGEL (WB, 8 p.m.). Plus, Wesley finds out the prophecy was a fake, so he kidnapped Connor and ruined everyone's lives for no reason. D'oh.
Chunk alert! THE GOONIES are on TBS at 7:30 p.m. And this David Duchovny directs Gillian Anderson and Chris Bradley Owens in the episode "William" © Fox Broadcasting
Hey, what's the deal with those crappy skits on near the end of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE? And what was up with Anthony Michael Hall joining the cast in the '80s? Well, find out for yourself by checking out BIOGRAPHY: SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (A&E, 9 p.m.).
Check out THE POWERPUFF GIRLS and JUSTICE LEAGUE tonight starting at 8 p.m. on the Cartoon Network. You won't be sorry.
TUESDAY, april 23
Dawn the whiny cry-baby accidentally casts a spell that locks everyone in the house in this rerun of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (UPN, 8 p.m.).
Michael become king of the earthbound aliens after Max's near death, which spells trouble for everyone in this all-new ROSWELL (UPN, 9 p.m.).
Clark fights yet another kryptonite-infected man (yawn) who seeks to relieve the suffering of the elderly and sick by turning them into ashes in tonight's SMALLVILLE (WB, 9 p.m.).
It's 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. in tonight's all-new 24 (Fox, 9 p.m.) and Victor Drazen and Jack debate responsibility for their respective actions. Yeah, I'm sure some good, healthy debate will solve all of this madness.
Check out THE POWERPUFF GIRLS and SAMURAI JACK on the Cartoon Network starting at 8 p.m.
Hey, remember that movie EXCALIBUR? Well, BBC America does and they've got it at 9 p.m.
WeDNESDAY, april 24
Archer and Mayweather are placed in an internment camp while exploring a planet in tonight's all-new ENTERPRISE (UPN, 8 p.m.). I hate when that happens.
John rents a haunted house in tonight's WOLF LAKE (UPN, 9 p.m.). Hey, as long as it doesn't have roaches. I mean, roaches are damn scary.
Hoping to end his nightmares of guilt, Greg demands that Gil find a job for Rochester, the star he replaced, while Jimmy tries to make Alison jealous by paying attention to Susan the Monster in tonight's all-new GREG THE BUNNY (Fox, 9:30 p.m.). Hey Jimmy. I'm jealous.
Get your 'toon fix by checking out THE POWERPUFF GIRLS, followed by JUSTICE LEAGUE, starting at 8 p.m. on the Cartoon Network.
Comedy Central has got SOUTH PARK at 10 p.m. Sweeeet! It's a rerun though. It's the one where Kyle suffers from a rare kidney disease and Cartman may be the only one who can save him.
THURSDAY, april 25
For some Batman and J'onn J'onzz learn first hand why Diana is called Wonder Woman © 2001 Cartoon Network
Grissom and Catherine investigate the stabbing death of an 80-year-old woman who lived in a run-down house full of cats in tonight's all-new CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (CBS, 9 p.m.). I hope some nice crime scene investigators work hard on my case when I'm found dead in my house full of cats. Oh come on. You know that's what's in store for me!
Piper and Paige team up with a wizard to stop the coronation of a new Source, which just happens to be Cole in tonight's all-new CHARMED (WB, 8 p.m.). I'm sure this task requires the girls to wear sexy tank tops, so don't worry.
You know, he said he'd be back and he was right. Check out THE TERMINATOR on TBS at 7:30 p.m.
THE SHINING is on Cinemax at 7:30 p.m. I've got only one thing to say about that. All work and no play make Sonia go crazy. All work and no play make Sonia go crazy. All work and no... well, I think you get my meaning.
FRIDAY, april 26
A bogus transgen lures Max into White's trap, where she learns the truth about the mystery marks appearing on her skin in tonight's DARK ANGEL (Fox, 9 p.m.). You know, I have mysterious marks on my skin too. Oh wait, they're just pimples. Nevermind.
You like video games-turned movies? Then you'll probably like MORTAL KOMBAT: ANNIHILATION (TBS, 7:30 p.m.). Although it's not nearly as good as the director's cut of the movie based on Frogger.
Turner observes an ancient Native American ritual, encounters undiscovered species and learns of a rare blood disease during a murder investigation in Seattle in this all-new STRANGE WORLD (Sci Fi Channel, 8 p.m.). Wow. Busy guy.
Crichton is plagued by unnerving visions in a hypnotic cliffhanger that ends the series' third season in tonight's FARSCAPE (Sci Fi Channel, 9 p.m.).
In the series finale, Kai, Xev and Stan rush to thwart an alien plot to eliminate Earth in tonight's LEXX (Sci Fi Channel, 10 p.m.).
With the Asgard being threatened, a beautiful young android may be the key to its survival in tonight's STARGATE SG-1 (Showtime, 10 p.m.).
And don't forget about JEREMIAH on Showtime at 10:45 p.m.
SATURDAY, april 27
ARMAGEDDON (ABC, 8 p.m.) is a good example of bad Hollywood blockbuster filmmaking. It had a great cast Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi, Owen Wilson, Liv Tyler, Michael Clarke Duncan, Billy Bob Thornton and the worst piece of [expletive deleted] script ever!
Kick ass alert! THE POWERPUFF GIRLS and SAMURAI JACK are on the Cartoon Network, starting at 9 p.m.
IFC has got Peter Jackson's (the man behind the LORD OF THE RINGS movies) DEAD ALIVE at 9 p.m. It is the grossest movie I've ever seen. Well, not including that one where Michael Douglas was making out with Gwyneth Paltrow. I mean, that's just freakin' sick, man.
Head in a box alert! Starz has got SEVEN at 7 p.m.
Some people think SUPERMAN (Sci Fi, 8:30 p.m.) is a good movie, so they watch it over and over again. Me? I just like to see Christopher Reeve up and walking around again. Hey, don't give me any crap. I'm just saying what you're all thinking.
SUNDAY, april 28
Bart gets Homer as Hulk in THE SIMPSONS © 2002 Fox Broadcasting
Hank learns that Dale's father is gay in tonight's all-new KING OF THE HILL (Fox, 7:30 p.m.).
Andy Richter controls Malcolm's universe as an embattled psychiatrist, probing the boys' naughty behavior patterns in a session framed by flashbacks to past episodes in tonight's MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE (Fox, 8:30 p.m.). Isn't it a little soon for clip show episodes?
David Duchovny is back in tonight's all-new THE X-FILES (Fox, 9 p.m.). Well, sort of. He co-wrote and directed this episode, in which Doggett catches someone in the X-files office trying to steal documents pertaining to Mulder's sister.
Claire is inexplicably drawn to Billy after he gets out of the hospital in tonight's all-new SIX FEET UNDER (HBO, 9 p.m.). Hey, Claire is just like every other woman. She digs the bad boys.
Check out THE SIXTH SENSE on ABC at 8 p.m. I promised myself I wouldn't make any "I see dead people" jokes. Sorry.
UPN is giving you a second chance to catch last Wednesday's ENTERPRISE tonight at 9 p.m.
Remote Patrol is our weekly Television column.
