Back in Black (and Browder)

By: David Michael Wharton
Date: Monday, July 25, 2005

Ah, first week back, another Comic-Con in the rearview, and even a week later, I'm somehow still slightly jetlagged and hung over. But I can only rely on the mensch-like generosity of Mr. Davis for so long, so I guess I'd better get back on the proverbial horse. Or in this case, back on the proverbial Stargate.

But before we do that, one quick digression. Somebody was complaining in the comments a while back about my using CST times on all the show listings. Well, I've been converting from PST for 27 years now, bunky. It's payback time. You're lucky I don't switch everything over to the Australian time zone just out of spite.

Ever since I took the reigns of this column, lo those many months ago, I've been occasionally peppered with emails when I've offended this or that fan base through journalistic sins of commission (the multi-week CHARMED fiasco) or omission. Chief amongst the latter has been the STARGATE franchise. As I've said before, I've got nothing against STARGATE. I liked the movie quite a bit, but I missed the boat since, when it premiered way back in 1997, I didn't have basic cable, much less Showtime. Now, eight years and two networks later, I figured I might as well give it a shot, so I've been watching SG-1 since its season premiere two weeks ago. I'd like to say I did this out of devotion to this, my column, and you, my readers. But that'd be a load of horse apples, as we don't actually say here in the South but movies keep insisting we do. I checked it out for two reasons and two reasons alone: Ben Browder and Claudia Black.


Just for the record, I'm not coming to the table as one of those who erroneously blames STARGATE for FARSCAPE's premature cancellation. Anyone who does even the slightest amount of research will realize that the situation surrounding 'SCAPE's departure was complicated by a good half-dozen catalysts, and anyone who thinks the crew of Moya got the boot just because Sci-Fi decided to bring in Jack O'Neill just doesn't understand how television works. The only baggage I brought into "Avalon" was a love for Browder and Black and a desire to have them win me over as Colonel Mitchell and Vala, just as they had as Crichton and Aeryn.

After an admittedly small sampling of two episodes, the results are mixed. The very best of the good news is that Browder and Black are as good as ever. I think it's going to take a while for me to get used to seeing them in these new roles: not because they aren't up to the task of overcoming typecasting, but simply because the two of them did such an outstanding job in FARSCAPE that those characters are and forever will be burned into my brain just as indelibly as Kirk or Luke Skywalker. It does help that the writers have made efforts to steer Mitchell and Vala clear of most of the characterizations that would remind FARSCAPE viewers that, on balance, we'd rather be watching these two in season five of that show than season nine of this one. Mitchell is more straight-laced than Crichton, as befits his military position, though he does seem to share that wayward astronaut's penchant for finding his way into situations that go from bad to worse to worst with alarming speed. And Browder's talent for physical comedy is already proving handy in scenes such as the battle against the holographic knight in Merlin's cave.

Black's new role, meanwhile, shifts her in the exact opposite direction as Browder's; whereas Aeryn was often the straight man to Crichton's fish-out-of-water silliness, Vala's sense of impish impetuousness is more in line with Chiana. It's a role that suits Black well, and it's nice to see her get the chance to serve up a full course of the comedic skills she sampled for us in FARSCAPE. Furthermore, one of the wiser choices made by the STARGATE writers is not to have even a hint of sexual chemistry between Mitchell and Vala, instead relegating those sparks to Vala and Daniel. To be sure, Black and Browder have stellar onscreen chemistry possibly the best I've ever seen but any attempts to set those two up would feel too much like "been there, done that," and would probably be a little offensive, frankly, to the FARSCAPE fans who might be migrating over.

Comic writer and general curmudgeon Warren Ellis recently said in his semi-daily mailing list that the charm of casting Black, Browder, and even Beau Bridges (geez, what's with all the b's?) is that these newcomers, and by extension, the writers, seem bound and determined to "take the piss" out of the series by turning it into almost a parody of its former self. Like I said, I haven't seen enough of SG-1 to nail down its tone, but what little I've seen prior doesn't seem any more or less tongue-in-cheek than the current incarnation. Ellis also complained how sad it was to see Browder struggling under the weight of a subpar show. I certainly wouldn't go that far. SG-1 is, at its core, an adventure show, and doesn't necessarily seem to aspire to much beyond that. Which is perfectly fine. No, I don't think it's anywhere as good as FARSCAPE. Feel free to send angry letters. I just don't. Nor is it as good as BABYLON 5, any of the Whedon series, or X-FILES back when it was good. At worst, it's still a tick or two above much recent TREK (the high points of last year's ENTERPRISE excluded), if only because, even though the storytelling is fairly pedestrian, the show earn points for telling those stories in a world that can't rely on 40 years of history and nostalgia to keep it afloat. It's fun, it's already made me laugh several times in two episodes, and it's a delight to see Browder and Black back on my screen. If it doesn't particularly challenge me as a viewer, I can forgive it for that, because maybe it's not trying to. There's certainly a place for popcorn fare, and God knows I'd rather see a show that merely tries to entertain and succeeds like gangbusters than one that strives for greater themes and ends up empty and ridiculous (*coughcoughpointpleasantcough*).

Alright, I can already hear you die-hard SG-1-ers out there firing up the vitriolic emails. By all means, bring them on, but please do recall that this is not a blanket condemnation of your show, merely a summary of my thoughts here at the beginning of a season that may yet win me over. I'll certainly keep watching as long as Browder and Black are working the 'Gate. In the mean time, send your thoughts, counterpoints, and character defamations to tvwasteland@cinescape.com, and I'll run the best in a future column.

But don't get me started about SG: ATLANTIS. Watching an episode of that show was like watching poor Mitch Pileggi stand in front of a firing squad for 44 minutes.


The Week Rerun

I refuse to do a "Beam me up joke." - By now of course everyone has heard about the departure of poor Jimmy Doohan, "Scotty" to several generations of fans. He's already been eulogized elsewhere by far more skilled wordsmiths than I, but I'll only say that he always seemed like a warm and charming fellow, and I regret that he was one of the TOS crew that I never managed to catch at a convention. Wherever he is now, one thing is for certain: he's royally pissed that Shatner outlived him. If I were Bill, I'd be keeping my eyes on the skies, lest Doohan's ashes de-orbit into his skull in a fit of bitter irony.

Can he explain why BLADE 3 sucked as badly as it did? - David Goyer talks about his new SF invasion show THRESHOLD (not to be confused with INVASION), dismisses any assistance the success of LOST might have provided in getting an SF show greenlit on a major network, and spends more time than is strictly necessary discussing flatulent French bulldogs.

In other news, my wife just began drooling - In a bit of news that bodes well for the morass of tedium SMALLVILLE was threatening to become last season, James "Spike" Marsters will be joining the cast this year as the show's riff on Braniac. No word yet on whether he'll be green or sporting those funny little head dots, but I'll bet dollars to 12th-level-intelligences that the writers find some way to get him into leather pants before his stint is over. At any rate, at least he'll be on a better show than poor David Boreanaz over on BONES…


Send all questions, comments, and speculations about my parentage to tvwasteland@cinescape.com. Keep your head and hands inside the television, folks…


MONDAY, JULY 25

DARKNESS FALLS (6:30 PM CST, FX) Specifically, on the film career of Emma Caufield.

AMERICAN PIE 2 (7 PM CST, USA) Pie harder.

SHAUN OF THE DEAD (7 PM CST, Cinemax) Gee, with the success of this flick, it sure would be nice if somebody would get around to releasing SPACED here in the states.

HISTORY DETECTIVES (8 PM CST, PBS) "Cherokee Bible; Slave Banjo; United Empire Loyalists." Slave Banjo sounds like it should be the name of an unsigned rock band that advertises via flyers stapled to telephone poles.

ENTOURAGE (8:30 PM CST, HBO) "Oh, Mandy." Mandy Moore. Aquagirl. Let that simmer.

RUN LOLA RUN (10 PM CST, IFC) TRU CALLING + German Jason Priestly = Lots and lots of running.


TUESDAY, JULY 26

DINOCROC (6 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Perhaps the greatest dinosaur movie of the modern age. Oh, and JURASSIC PARK is on at eight, too.

NOVA (7 PM CST, PBS) Examining research into using hydrogen as the fuel source of the future.

SONG OF THE THIN MAN (7 PM CST, TCM) Dashiell Hammett's inimitable Nick and Nora investigate a murder on a gambling ship. Followed by more thin goodness throughout the night.

SITUATION: COMEDY (7 PM CST, Bravo) A new unscripted show that follows a group of amateur writers trying to sell their sitcom scripts. Another episode follows at eight. (Series premiere)

DIRTY JOBS (8 PM CST, Discovery) "Chinatown Garbage Collector." The worst part of being a Chinatown garbage collector is that a half-hour after you clock out, you want to collect more garbage.

SHOOTOUT! (8 PM CST, History) Remembering the 1942 Battle of Guadalcanal.

EMPIRE (8 PM CST, ABC) "The Lost Legion." Octavius constructs a time machine and travels to the 31st century to enlist the help of the Legion of Superheroes to restore him to the throne.

RESCUE ME (9 PM CST, FX) "Reunion." Tommy finds out about Sheila's miscarriage. But how will Jesus fit in this week? Tune in and find out!


WEDNESDAY, JULY 27

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE? (7 PM CST, FOX) So they think I'll actually watch?

THE BANGER SISTERS (7 PM CST, Oxygen) A leading contender in the contest for "Movie Titles Most Easily Converted Into Porn Concepts."

GHOST HUNTERS (7 PM CST, Sci-Fi) My favorite guilty pleasure from last season returns with the guys investigating a haunted Louisiana bed and breakfast. (Season premiere)

MYTHBUSTERS (8 PM CST, Discovery) "Border Slingshot." Examining whether one could actually launch immigrants over the border using a giant slingshot. Seriously. I say if you allow yourself to be launched from a giant slingshot, you deserve your greencard.

ROAD HOUSE (8 PM CST, Spike) Lovers of mullets rejoice! Sony just announced plans for a ROAD HOUSE 2. As for me, I'll be sticking my head in the oven now.

MASTER BLASTERS (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "The Blasters of Oz." Amateur rocketeers blast crap into the sky. (Series premiere)

GODS AND MONSTERS (8 PM CST, IFC) Brendan Fraser proves that, despite appearances, he can actually act.

OVER THERE (9 PM CST, FX) "Pilot Episode." Steven Bochco takes on Iraq. (Series premiere)

ROBIN AND MARIAN (9 PM CST, TCM) Sean Connery and Audrey Hepburn play…er…Robin and Marian.


THURSDAY, JULY 28

DEATH BECOMES HER (6 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn get magically transformed into zombies. Doesn't technically count as a zombie movie, since there are no instances of entrail-devouring in the movie.

THE FUGITIVE (7 PM CST, TNT) Starring G'Kar as the One-Armed Man.

ARMY OF DARKNESS (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Bruce Campbell waves his boomstick at primitive screwheads.

THE PUNISHER (8:35 PM CST, Showtime) I never thought I'd say this, but I think I preferred Dolph Lundgren.

WILLARD (9 PM CST, Starz) Possible Henry Jones, Sr.'s least favorite movie ever.

FRIDAY, JULY 29

STARGATE SG-1 (7 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Origin." Daniel and Vala's messing around with the communications device has drawn the attentions of an unfriendly group of "deities."

BACK TO THE FUTURE (7 PM CST, TCM) At least it actually deserves the "classic" designation, unlike pretty much everything aired on AMC.

STARGATE ATLANTIS (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Runner." The team discovers a mutilated Wraith corpse and meets a new pal. And I think he has dreadlocks.

CHILDREN OF THE CORN II: THE FINAL SACRIFICE (8:45 PM CST, AMC) See above AMC comment.

MONK (9 PM CST, USA) "Mr. Monk Goes to the Office." Monk investigates the case of an assailed stock analyst.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (9 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Fragged." While Adama convalesces, Apollo leads a rescue mission to Kobol.

JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 (10 PM CST, Showtime) I got those peepers at Target, four for a dollar.


SATURDAY, JULY 30

K-PAX (7 PM CST, ABC) Kevin Spacey plays a mental patient who may be an alien and may just be bananas (but either way, he certainly enjoys eating them) (bananas, not mental patients) (at least, I don't think he eats mental patients) (but I haven't ever seen this, so who knows?).

PAYCHECK (7 PM CST, Showtime) The only reason Uma Thurman did this movie.

BLOODSUCKERS (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Vampires. In. Space.

JERRY MAGUIRE (9 PM CST, TBS) Remember the good old days when Tom Cruise was only mildly eccentric?

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (9 PM CST, Cinemax) I'll be honest: I don't get it.

DAGON (10 PM CST, Sci-Fi) One of only a handful of cinematic Lovecraft adaptations that actually kinda work.


SUNDAY, JULY 31

STIGMATA (7 PM CST, WGN) Patricia Arquette bleeds for Jesus.

THE TRUMAN SHOW (7 PM CST, TBS) Remember the good old days when Jim Carrey thought he might actually win an Oscar?

THE 4400 (8 PM CST, USA) "Rebirth." Trouble comes looking for a 4400 with the ability to heal chromosomes in utero.

SIX FEET UNDER (8 PM CST, HBO) "Ecotone." You know what this show needs? Zombies. And not these namby-pampy DEATH BECOMES HER-style zombies. I mean the entrail-eating kind.

THE DEAD ZONE (9 PM CST, USA) "Grains of Sand." After rescuing an infant from the wreckage of a van containing migrant workers, Johnny stumbles onto a ring of immigrant-traffickers.


This concludes our broadcast.