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Batman's 7 Tips for Throwing a Great Superbowl Party

The Tao of Batman: Superbowling It

By Chad Derdowski     February 05, 2010


Batman's 7 Tips for Throwing a Great Superbowl Party
© Mania/Bob Trate

 

Fact: Batman is the best all-around planner in the superhero world. So who else would we go to when planning a Super Bowl party? Whether the big game is being watched at his swanky digs in Stately Wayne Manor or the original man-cave located beneath, everybody knows that Batman has the best pad for the best parties. Here are his rules for the perfect Super Bowl get-together.
 

7. Clean Up the Cave

“Let’s face it, chum: you live in a giant hole in the ground. It’s dank, it’s musty and it’s not exactly the type of place you want to show off to an Amazonian Princess or a guy who’s seen the surface of Mars. So dust off the giant penny and brush the dinosaur’s teeth. Move any offending artwork or furniture into another room. In order to create the perfect party atmosphere, take down those adorable baby pictures and put up some appropriate posters featuring the opposing teams. Or in my case, put those depressing Robin memorials back in the closet and brighten things up a little. It’s a party!”
 

6. Keep Some Spare Change Around for Betting

“Clark and Diana like to be all uppity about their unwavering dedication to justice, but you know damn well Hal and Ollie will throw down a bet or two. Nothing serious, of course: dig through the seats in the Batmobile and find some quarters to leave laying around should any impromptu wagering take place.
 
A word of advice: don’t bet against a super-speedster or a Martian. Anyone who has the ability to see into men’s minds or access to a cosmic treadmill (and therefore, time travel) isn’t playing fair, no matter what they say about truth and justice. And don’t trust Booster Gold as far as you can throw him.”
 

5. Put the Bat-Phone on Vibrate

“No one wants to be interrupted by news of a robbery or break-in during the two-minute warning. It’s not called shirking responsibility, it’s called “taking a break.” There are no windows in a cave, so you don’t have to worry about the Bat signal, but you ought to throw a towel over that blinking Bat phone and just tell Commissioner Gordon you’ll call him back. Seriously, it’s not like you can’t wait until tomorrow to catch the Joker. He’s just going to break out of jail again anyway.”
 

4. Have Some Fun – And Check the Weapons at the Door

“Here’s a fun tip: keep some little foam wedges in a basket next to all your chairs. Sooner or later, someone is bound to get upset about a bad call or a fumble and they’ll want something to throw at the TV. The last thing you want is for a Batarang or a trick arrow to go through a $75,000 computer screen.”
 

3. Don’t Hesitate to Decorate

“Spruce the place up a bit by buying paper plates and cups, napkins and maybe even pennants in the colors of the opposing teams. Since it always ends up being the Gotham Knights against the Metropolis Meteors every year, you probably still have some decorations from last year’s party in storage somewhere. Go ahead and reuse it. No one will know the difference: there’s only one world’s greatest detective.”
 

2. Stock up on Refreshments, But Be Careful

“If your friends are like mine, they’ll only be drinking ginger ale, but it’s a good idea to keep a well-stocked bar anyway. It’s an even better idea to just invite them to bring their own alcohol. The last thing you want is to be held responsible when somebody finds Speedy passed out in the bathroom in a pool of his own vomit.”
 

1. Have Fun – And Aim to Please

“Keep a few monitors tuned to the game and a few tuned to local news, just in case someone needs an excuse to cut out. Not everyone likes football, but everyone enjoys a good get-together. Keep the conversation light: don’t bring up Clark’s family or where Barry’s been all these years. And whatever you do, don’t discuss politics with Green Arrow.”

 

More Superbowl Superhero Action? Then Read: The Superhero Bowl: Marvel Vs. DC

More Superhero Advice? Try Wolverine's 8 Essential Rules for Dating

Or Galactus' 10 Rules for Healthy Living

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COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

Showing items 1 - 10 of 11
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hanso 2/5/2010 6:18:40 AM

Nice!  Batman should also advice people to set an small area to bust out the batman victory dance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC8DmmeWcZU&feature=related

DarthDuck 2/5/2010 8:13:35 AM

Fun list, would the Marvel party be held in Avengers Tower?

I'd keep the party to Wayne Manor, if memory serves there's not even a chair for Alfred down there.  "Quick Robin, deploy the bat-folding chairs!"

And don't worry about the villains.  They're all at their own Super Bowl party, which is probably a lot more fun.

dracor00 2/5/2010 10:07:10 AM

i love the second pic with the wondertwins making out

hilarious

Wiseguy 2/5/2010 12:54:58 PM

Wait, wait you forgot to add to have Power Girl, Black Canary, Poison Ivy, Cat Woman, Mary Marvel and Zattana performing, all  v.i.p.s with unlimited amount of alcohol cause we know what alcohol can do *)

wolfdan 2/5/2010 2:18:55 PM

Super Bowl is okay I prefer the MLS CUP and the 2009 MLS CUP was AMAZING. Kyle Beckerman and Robbie Findley's  Huge Upset Of DAVID BECKHAM AND LANDON DONAVAN'S LA Galaxy. I was an Instant Classic. I am so ready for MARCH 25TH.

GO CREW.

Ozymandas 2/5/2010 2:24:31 PM

Great article. The article with the Superfriends bugging out & the Wonder Twins making out in the corner is awesome! (I see dracor00 beat me to the punch but I had to say it!) I just looked at it again & noticed Robin checking out Wonder Woman's can & Batman putting the moves on Space Boy (or whatever you call him). Where does it come from? A Wizard article? Making it my new wallpaper!

themovielord 2/5/2010 10:51:53 PM

Ozy, the full image is here (size didn't allow us to have the whole thing) http://s17.photobucket.com/albums/b80/Viet_Guy/?action=view&current=mf1050.jpg

themovielord 2/5/2010 11:03:07 PM

Ozy, the full image is here (size didn't allow us to have the whole thing) http://s17.photobucket.com/albums/b80/Viet_Guy/?action=view&current=mf1050.jpg

redhairs99 2/6/2010 4:47:09 AM

Yeah that second pic is awesome!  I like the inclusion of Space Ghost, Brak, Moltar and Zorak!

Ozymandas 2/6/2010 10:34:12 AM

Awesome! Thanks for the link, movielord!

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