BEOWULF and HEAVY METAL 2000 Lead a Slow Week.

By: John Thonen
Date: Tuesday, October 17, 2000

This week feature no new, major studio video releases, but it does offer a pair of films likely to receive undeserved attention from many fans. Up first, the long delayed, $15-million animated sequel to the cult hit, Heavy Metal, the aptly named Heavy Metal 2000 from Columbia/Tri Star.

I'll confess right up front that I am not a devotee of the 1981 original, but it did have some inspired moments and was generally funin a mindless, hormonally over-charged teenager sort of way. Sadly, the folks behind this sequelprimarily 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle' co-creator Kevin Eastman and his pneumatic, B-movie queen wife Julie Strainfall far short of their uneven predecessor. Strain provides both the visual inspiration for the main character and that character's voice. Standing 6'1' in real life, with breasts the size of Albuquerque, Strain is a pretty good choice as a model for the film's warrior heroine but, even after some 100 film appearances, she remains a terrible actress, incapable of even the most rudimentary bits of characterization.

The decision to make the new film a feature length story, rather than an anthology like the original, was also foolhardy. In Heavy Metal, if one story wasn't your cup of testosterone, maybe the next one would be. In the sequel, either you like it or you don't. Last, but far from least of the film's faults, the animation is generally disappointing, particularly in comparison to the original. Heavy Metal 2000 is available on VHS and on DVD, with the latter available as either a standard or Special Edition package; I have, unfortunately, only seen the former. I doubt Eastman will suffer for the losses he incurred when this film failed to find theatrical release, but the next time Julie convinces him to squander his millions, let's hope it's on something just for her, not movies for us.


Next, I'd like to suggest that all fans chip in to buy a sympathy card for Christopher Lambert on what has been a seriously bad year in a not particularly illustrious career. Earlier this year, Lambert saw the belated sequel to one of his better films, Fortress go direct-to-video. Then, the latest sequel to Lambert's main claim to fame, the Highlander film series, failed to find an audience. Now, yet another moderately budgeted genre-action film featuring the stone-faced Gaelic star, is relegated to DTV release, as Buena Vista Home Entertainment brings us Beowulf.

The good folks at Threshold Entertainment, purveyors of the less than immortal Mortal Kombat film and TV series, reportedly shelled out something in the neighborhood of $20-million to produce this dismal, dark and dreadful tale. The film has virtually nothing to do with the classic poem that provides its title, and seems to take place in some sort of medieval future which features spears, swords, babes, monsters and castles.
It's all pretty confusing and not particularly interesting, though co-star Rhona Mitra (reportedly the visual inspiration for the Lara Croft video game character) is one dazzling visual aspect of the proceedings. Unfortunately, the other visual effects, also courtesy of Threshold, are not so impressive, sharing that same vaguely cartoony look that plagued the Mortal Kombat films.

On the opposite end of the budget world, is Spartan Home Entertainment's release of Ancient Evil: Scream of the Mummy from veteran no-budget filmmaker David De Coteau. This slasher-styled variation on 1942's The Mummy's Tomb is no great shakes, but it delivers the goods for undemanding fans. When you consider that this was shot in four days, on a budget only slightly larger than the combined chest measurements of Julie Strain and Rhona Mitra, you have to be impressed. There's no pretension on display here, just good old reliable drive-in quality dreck.

Speaking of drive-in dreck, the good folks over at MTI Home video are also offering Chained Heat 3: Hell Mountain, an enjoyably bad variation on the women-in-prison theme, this one taking place in a post-apocalyptic future. I've always had a soft spot in my head for this deliciously politically incorrect exploitation sub-genre, and this ode to cheap sets, meager effects, bad acting and bare breasts more than satisfies my sad desires. However, if there is ever a shortage of silicone in this country, this movie may well be to blame.

Of course, sometimes bad is good and sometimes bad is bad. Jeez, I never thought I'd be quoting Huey Lewis, but this week's trio of terror titles from Image Entertainment is proof that old and obscure doesn't always it's worth wasting two hours of your life. The Cosmic Man is a 1958 B&W turkey that might best be described as a no-budget rip off of the classic The Day the Earth Stood Still. John Carradine stars as an invisible man-styled alien with a soft spot for crippled kids and a big golf ball as a space ship. Then there's Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks: The Special Edition, a 1973 amalgam of horror clichés memorable only as the low point in the career of one time musical, matinee idol Rossano Brazzi (later seen in The Final Conflict). The 'Special Edition' status is apparently the result of the addition of a couple of horror-oriented sexploitation shorts from the '70s, which I would not be surprised to find are more entertaining than the feature. Image offers yet another 'Special Edition' with Bloody Pit of Horror, an Italian tale of fashion models who find their abandoned castle photo shoot is being watched over by an unwelcome and rather perverse voyeur. Once again, a couple of shorts justify the 'Special Edition' claim, with one of them devoted to muscleman 'star' Mickey Hargitay (sort of the Schwarzenegger of his day) and his then wife, starlet Jayne Mansfield.

With a genuine Friday the 13th falling barely two weeks before Halloween, it was a foregone conclusion that everyone's favorite psycho, Jason Vorhees, would have to make an appearance. This week, Paramount Home Video offers up entries 3 & 4 in the ongoing Friday The 13th film series. So, if you like this kind of thing, and somebody must, then here it is

The new found popularity of DVD has brought about a number of re-releases, and A-Pix Home Entertainment this week offers one of its worst, one of its best, and one somewhere in-between. On the bad side, The Fear. This is basically just another FT13 clone, ever so slightly enlivened by making the killer a living totema killer made of wood. Yep, Pinocchio goes psycho. John Buechler's full-body suit looks great in stills, but doesn't work too well when he's moving. Wes Craven does a cameo, and almost-names Ann Turkel and the late Vince Edwards star. This spawned a sequel, so there must be some wooden headed fans of this one out there somewhere.

A-Pix also offers up the overlooked and all too generically titled The Surgeon, (originally Exquisite Tenderness ), a pretty decent medical thriller with an excellent cast. The story is nothing special, but the cast (Isabel Glasser, James Remar, Peter Boyle, Charles Dance, Malcolm McDowell), aided by director Carl Schenkel's strong visual style, make this one well worth a look. And don't miss the very sexy sequence with the gorgeous Glasser and the pug ugly Remar in a pool.

Smack in the middle, on a 'watchability' ranking, is A-Pix's re-release of an old Vestron Video title, Steel Dawn, which originally garnered some attention when star Patrick Swayze became a heart throb thanks to Dirty Dancing. Swayze's flying high again these dayswell, flying drunk, anywayand this South African-lensed Road Warrior tale isn't the worst way to pass the time. Swayze's real life wife, Lisa Neimi, and the always enjoyable Anthony Zerbe co-star.

MGM continues to roll out the 007 titles, this week unleashing Special Edition DVD's of The Living Daylights, Never Say Never Again, Octopussy Diamonds Are Forever and my choice for the best Bond film of all, From Russia With Love. If your are at all a Bond fan, and aren't already buying up this wonderful DVD series, then do yourself a favor and start now. Also available in a non-Special Edition 6 disc, or tape, box set featuring Diamonds, Daylights, Russia, and Octopussy, along with You Only Live Twice and A View To A Kill.

Over at Paramount Home Video you can find the VHS and DVD re-release of the original 1963 The Nutty Professor, starring Jerry Lewis. This one also gets my vote over Eddie Murphy's remake, let alone its lame-ass sequel. This is probably Lewis' best film, with the unctuous Buddy Love perhaps giving us a glimpse of the real Lewis. Also with the under-rated Stella Stevens and no special effects to speak of. You remember. They called it 'acting.'

Kino on Film becomes more aggressive in its marketing of their unique film library, this week unveiling a DVD of Guy Maddin's feature debut, Tales From the Gimli Hospital. Fans of David Lynch, Luis Bunuel, Jean Cocteau and even Alejandro Jodoworsky will be the likely fans for this early example of the peculiar world that exists in Maddin's mind, and films. Not for all tastes, but irresistible to those who can embrace it.

Kino also offers this week; a startling no budget film from 1953 that was then viewed as a vulgar piece of exploitation, but is today seen by many as a surrealistic art film: Dementia/Daughter of Horror. This B&W journey into a young woman's madness is filled with dream and nightmare, all photographed in a style recalling German Expressionistic films. While replete with the sounds of its seedy, city slum setting, there is no dialogue in the film, only narration. All this, plus an unrecognizable cameo by future Johnny Carson sidekick Ed McMahon. By the way, this is the film playing at the theater invaded by The Blob in 1958.

On a more upbeat note, Buena Vista offers up an irresistible package this week with a 2-disc DVD set of the wonderful Toy Story and its sequel, as well as a 3-disc set featuring both films and a third disc filled with outtakes, interviews and other extras. These are the films that finally made me accept CGI as the future of film, and they are damn fun movies besides.

Unseen, in these quarters is Pioneer's release of Boltneck, originally entitled Big Monster on Campus. This one, involving a nerdy teenager who ends up with the transplanted brain of a serial killer following a fall into an empty swimming pool, has been on the shelf a couple of years. Still, director Mitch Marcus has the effective Knocking on Death's Door and the ambitious Haunting of Hell House to his credit, and told Fandom he was proud of this one, so it may be worth a look, on VHS or DVD.

That's it for the week's releases, but there's still bits of past and future business before I wrap things up. If you were intrigued by my recent article on J.R. Bookwalter's Witchouse 2: Blood Coven but haven't checked it out yet, then Full Moon Video has the DVD for you. Just released is the debut of their new 'Lunar' line of DVD special editions, and this one is jam-packed with extras. Included are: a director & his star commentary, making-of documenatary, a tour of film locations in Romania, and a look at Casteel Studios there, a couple of music videos from the film, and a selection of stills.

The good folks at the DVD Review website (www.dvdreview.com/) recently shared a couple of Easter Eggs regarding Anchor Bay's recent DVD of Lucio Fulci's The Beyond. For those of you unaware of Easter Eggs, they are hidden treats stashed away on discs for the entertainment of truly obsessive fans. It seems that on the 'Images from the Beyond' menu page, if you highlight the 'Menu' entry, then press your remote's 'left' arrow and then 'enter,' you can view a gory trailer for Fulci's Cat In the Brain. On the 'Audio Setup' page, you can highlight 'resume' and press the left arrow, which will reveal the original opening of the U.S. version of The Beyond. I'm sure most of you are saying, 'who cares,' but I know there are a few sad souls out there excited by this tidbit. I know I was.

On the news front, Columbia/Tri Star has announced plans for a DVD sequel to John Carpenter's Vampires. The theatrical film seemed primed for such a follow-up, featuring DTV friendly stars Daniel Baldwin and Sheryl Lee, but instead, the sequel, entitled Vampires: Los Muertos will concentrate on the further adventures of Tim Guinee's character, Father Adam Guiteau. Carpenter will exec-produce the film, which will be directed by his long-time friend, Tommy Lee Wallace, who also did Halloween 3: Season of the Witch, TV's It. With this and the recently announced Tremors 3: Back to Perfection, DTV seems to on the verge of a comeback.

Next week, we'll be offering Black Lace, with an accessory not usually found in the Victoria's Secret catalog; we'll get bugged by Star Trek vets, get bewitched by a woman Nicholas Cage dumped, and go foaming-at-the-mouth mad for Marilyn Chambers and lots of other Stuff. For now, I'm off to my weekly skeet club meeting where we'll be blasting DVD discs of Mission To Mars and hoping Skeet Ulrich shows up so we can repay him for The Chill Factor.