DISCLAIMER: I've had a lot of Grape Kool Aid today, so I'm most likely not in my right mind. This happens often, especially when I get chocolate ice cream from Braums. That's how my sketch "The Remains Of Babe Ruth..." was created. It was funny for a day, and then it died...at least for me. My friends still get a kick out of it though. Not entirely sure why.
I'm weary of good ideas, because they always cause me the most trouble.
One case in point: The Life and Times of Igor. Back in 2004, when I first came up with the project (after being inspired by some mysterious force while watching reruns of M*A*S*H), I had no idea I'd be spending the next 4 years of my life trying to get the damned thing made in one fashion or another.
2004 was a good year for good ideas to be weary of. That was also the year the WGA could've gone on strike, not to mention there was Mel Gibson's movie about some guy called Jesus who went and died on two planks of wood. Something like that, didn't catch the name of the movie.
I took those two ideas, (and since there's a lot of religious madness in parts of my family,) I immediately took it upon myself to make grand proclamations about a new porno movie coming out called The Passion Of Chris!
The tagline was "feel his passion," or something like that. I'd go on to describe the poster as having some good looking guy tied up to two planks of wood, with a naughty smile on his face, etc.
I'd also described it as the final 12 hours of Chris' virginity.
The thing is, the joke was supposed to end RIGHT THERE That was it, all over, said and done.
But I couldn't let the damned thing rest. No, it was too much of a good idea. So one Monday morning I sat down and concocted this story of a mainstream writer\director who ends up doing porno movies to pay the bills.
The script went out, and not a single person even dignified it with any kind of response. (Although looking back now I realize they were in de facto strike mode, but even after the new contract was signed no one bothered say a word on the subject.)
So "The Passion of Chris," and it's intended sequel "The Next Temptation of Chris," was shelved.
I did revisit the idea of reworking the movie, and even came up with a new way of promoting it:
In 2004, a Jew hater made a movie about a bunch of self loathing Jews who went around, got real angry, and decided to kill the head Jew.
Another good idea. Guess what happened to it.
So here I am, facing another good idea. It's the bit about "Go Super Panties, Go!" I'm sure you already figured that one out.
But I must backtrack.
When I first started researching what would become The Passion Of Chris, I discovered the Adult Video News. It had movie trailers, it had gossip about its stars, it hyped the latest projects, and it also had things of real concern, such as the topics of AIDS, safe sex, the notion of "how far is too far?" and so on.
The AVN also described how one starlet visited a fan of hers that was in the hospital. (True story. I have the article here on my computer still.) There were articles on the issues of Freedom of Speech and how the police were raiding legitimate businesses and arresting people who both worked there and were browsing the aisles.
In short, it wasn't just about playing hide the salami, it was a real business, with real people, facing real issues and hazards of their own. And that served as a real means of telling a wacky story. It's the human side of what we'd normally see as just a smutty business.
And I was hooked.
On AVN's website there were trailers from what would become my beloved Digital Playground, an adult business ran by women no less. I devoted one morning to downloading one trailer (which must've taken an hour, damned dial up service) and was amazed that not only did it have a real story, not only did it have decent lighting and camera framing, but it was also in the widescreen format. Porn had caught up with mainstream Hollywood, and that also played a huge factor in how I went about writing "Chris."
That, and the fact Janet Jackson had lost her top and everyone was becoming frigid so I wanted the "out there" comedy that wasn't afraid of an accidental loss of clothing.
Every so often I check in on Digital Playground to see what they're up to. Last year, or the year before...can't remember when it was exactly...DP released what was called the biggest adult production in all of history, and it was called PIRATES.
That sucked me in. It had a real and true professional script. It had an abundance of CGI animation. It had great sets, honorable costumes (while they stayed on at least) and even a Hollywood premiere on the big screen and an edited release for the mainstream dvd market.
Digital Playground had taken naughty movies to a whole new level. And they're doing it again: this September PIRATES 2 will be released. Again, with the grandiose sets, script, settings, and costumes...while they stay on, of course.
I haven't seen the trailer (goddamned dial up service) but I have seen the behind the scenes images posted on their website.
And I'm amazed.
It must be like when Peter Jackson realized "anything is possible" and he set out to make "Lord of the Rings." Well, now it seems anything is possible in smutty town, which brings me to today.
Superheroes amaze me: Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Superman, and so on.
So why haven't we had a superhero porno movie yet? Let's face it, superheroes are sex symbols, whether we want to admit it or not. Wonder Woman's super panties have gotten smaller as the years have gone by. Don't believe me? Compare the tv show to more modern incarnations of her uniform.
Supergirl wears very short skirts, yet I don't really know why to be honest. And Superman...well, how do I put this? He's not exactly fond of boxers, if you know what I mean.
So, just like Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! is being remade, maybe I can pitch the idea of a super hero porno movie to Digital Playground, starring Jesse Jane. (I insist on Jesse Jane...because she's, you know, like talented and stuff.)
And why not? They've got 2 pretty reasonable adult features under their belt. They've got movies like "Cheerleaders" and "Babysitters" sitting on shelves of adult book shops, not to mention the "Island Fever" series.
Beware of good ideas. They're usually only good for about a week, if that, and then I turn around and wonder "what the hell was I thinking?"
PS: I think someone should go knock on the doors of Arkham Asylum, to see if MxM is there. He's been awfully quiet lately, and it makes me wonder if Christian Bale finally caught up with him.
PPS: I'll provide the link, if anyone's intrested. I don't have to remind you it is, most defenitely, NSFW.
http://www.piratesxxx.com/pirates2/index_home.htmlTags: pirates, life and times of igor, digital playground, the passion of chris