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Blanks from the Wasteland

Another week in which television lives up to the column’s name

By Rob Vaux     August 15, 2010


A Bleak TV Wasteland this week..
© Bob Trate

 

The TV fires blanks at us again this week. Don’t worry: with Labor Day comes new shows and we’ll happily cover them all as they make their way to the bargain DVD bins of tomorrow. Hang in there.
 
Monday
Blade: Trinity (Spike, 9:00 PM EDT)
So threadbare has the television schedule become that we’re reduced to mentioning the shuddering collapse of the Blade franchise--chopped up by Spike like so much vampire sushi.
 
Deep Blue Sea (BET, 8:00 PM EDT)
Everyone knows the one, glorious moment which defines this film, but stick around afterwards for LL Cool J’s would-be eulogy. It’s kind of awesome.
 
Tuesday
Warehouse 13 (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
The ultra-hot Jaime Murray and the eternally hot Lindsay Wagner in the same episode? God bless you, Syfy!
 
Unnatural History (Cartoon, 8:00 PM EDT)
A prominent politician’s son disappears during a magic act, prompting Henry (Kevin G. Griffin) to take a look.
 
Gates of Hell (History, 8:00 PM EDT)
The History Channel examines cultural origins of the concept of Hell (very laudable), as well as possible locations for its earthly entrance. (Wait, what?!)
 
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (HBO, 7:30 PM EDT)
It’s inexcusable to even mention it but… well… they’re making a third film and you really need to be warned.
 
Zardoz (FMC, 7:00 PM EDT)
“Captain! the Pretense-O-Meter is off the scale! Also, there’s Sean Connery in a red diaper!”
Fairly warned thee be, says I.
 
Death Race (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
If The Expendables didn’t quite float your boat, take respite with this (literal) Jason Statham vehicle. It’s just as sleazy, but with many, many more examples of vehicular manslaughter. Also, less of that touchy-feely talky stuff.
 
Wednesday
Ghost Hunters International (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
The season comes to a close with a search for pirate ghosts… and presumably no Jack Sparrow in sight.
 
The Dark Knight (HBO, 6:15 PM EDT)
It’s on. Just sayin’.
 
Thursday
Burn Notice (USA, 9:00 PM EDT)
A con artist makes off with a woman’s life savings; Michael (Jeffrey Donovan) will presumably hunt him down and pound every last cent out of him.
 
Futurama (Comedy, 10:00 PM EDT)
It’s body swap time as the crew changes minds with each other and hilarity presumably ensues.
 
Moonlight (The CW, 9:00 PM EDT)
Mick (Jack Lor… er, Alex O’Loughlin) has a chance to kick the whole bloodsucker thing to the curb and become human again. I’m betting there’s a few snags in the fine print, however.
 
The Universe (History, 9:00 PM EDT)
The Universe examines the possibility of time travel, and how various theories could manifest in real life.
 
Stan Lee’s Superhumans (History, 10:00 PM EDT)
Stan the Man checks out long-distance runners, professional strongmen, human mimics and other folks who might be considered real-life superheroes.
 
Fact or Faked: Supernatural Files (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
Civil War ghosts and cattle mutilations fall under the team’s eye this week. Presumably in different locations.
 
Drag Me to Hell (HBO, 7:30 PM EDT)
Okay, the whole thing with the cat kind of bugged me, and you could kind of see the ending coming. Otherwise, Sam Raimi’s return to the over-the-top horror genre is a first-rate hoot.
 
Friday
Eureka (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
The whole Carter (Colin Ferguson)/Grant (James Callis)/Allison (Salli Richardson-Whitfield) thing comes to a head while the rest of the town starts turning to stone.
 
Haven (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
Yet another troubled townsperson exhibits yet another freaky mental power, creating yet another pointless mystery… like why this show is still on the air.
 
Jennifer’s Body (Cinemax, 8:15 PM EDT)
Seriously, it’s not that bad. Trust me.
 
Terminator Salvation (HBO, 7:00 PM EDT)
You can make a drinking game out of watching the veins in Christian Bale’s forehead bulge. Breathe and count to ten, big guy. The robots will wait.
 
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (ABC Family, 8:00 PM EDT)
The controversial third entry in the franchise finds Michael Gambon taking over as Dumbledore from the late Richard Harris, and Gary Oldman entering the picture as Harry’s possibly criminal godfather.
 
Saturday
Being Human (BBC America, 9:00 PM EDT)
Mitchell (Aiden Turner) continues to struggle against the beast within as details about his past come to light.
 
Lake Placid 2 and Lake Placid 3 (Syfy, 7:00 PM EDT and 9:00 PM EDT)
The third one is new. The second one is old. Betty White isn’t in either of them, and that means copious amounts of Suck will be handed out to all who dare tune in.
 
Intacto (Sundance, 10:00 PM EDT)
Those looking for something different should check out this film about a group of people who exhibit extraordinary good luck.
 
Mad Max (IFC, 9:35 PM EDT)
Why yes, it does seem to be on every week, doesn’t it?
 
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (ABC Family, 7:30 PM EDT)
The gloves come off as Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) returns, helping to keep the Harry Potter pot bubbling until the new movie this fall.
 
Sunday
True Blood (HBO, 9:00 PM EDT)
Russell (Denis O’Hare) plots vengeances for his recent downturn in fortune, while Bill (Stephen Moyer) warns Sookie (Anna Paquin) of coming danger.
 
The Gates (ABC, 10:00 PM EDT)
The FBI comes knocking, sending the community into an uproar.
 
Final Destination 2 (Syfy, 7:00 PM EDT)
I hope Ali Larter enjoyed the check. That is all.
 
Predator 2 (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
It’s better than you might think… though again, with Syfy cutting out the “pussy face,” there’s really no point.

COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

Showing items 1 - 6 of 6
1 
Wiseguy 8/15/2010 4:12:32 PM

Thank GOD for tivo. I just finished last season's Smallville and I'm now moving on to the last 5 episodes of Fringe, then Justified. And let me say WOW, Smallville was really good and Fringe has me at the edge of my seat.

Gotta get all these in before Sept so I can keep up with Sons of Anarchy and the last season of Smallville without falling too far behind.

Now you know why I hardly ever comment on the weekly reviews. I like to watch 3 and 10 episodes at a time and make a weekend out of it

 

karas1 8/15/2010 5:25:28 PM

***************Eureka Review*****************

Wherein: Carter, Grant, Fargo and Kevin go camping, Eureka’s AIs go crazy and Henry comes clean with Grace

The Plot: After Kevin apparently sends his Emo robot to spy on Jo in the shower, Carter invites him camping in order to do a little male bonding and play father.

But the robot wasn’t sent by Kevin. It was called to the smart house by Sarah who wanted to “borrow” its emotion programming with which to reprogram Deputy Andy so that she could have a robot boyfriend. Unfortunately, this somehow infects other AIs around Eureka who start acting odd. Virtual Vince at Café Diem gives customers healthy but unpalatable raw kale instead of the unhealthy meals they ordered and Allison’s MRI machine tries to dissect Larry’s brain.

The Titan Rover, Tiny for short, meets Kevin’s Emo robot and takes a shine to him, hiding him away with her to take on her trip to Titan. Unfortunately for everybody, the stowaway is detected and returned to Kevin.

While Jo and Allison deal with malfunctioning AIs, Carter, Fargo, Kevin and Grant set up camp in the woods, but Kevin freaks out when Carter and Grant start arguing over Allison and runs off. While Carter and Grant look for Kevin, Tiny escapes and heads for the woods to look for Emo. Thinking Tiny is attacking them, Carter and company lead Tiny towards a trap prepared by Jo but Tiny overtakes them and menaces Kevin. Realizing at the last moment that Tiny just wants Emo, Carter has Allison give Tiny the little robot and Tiny releases Kevin.

Back in Eureka, Kevin gives Carter permission to court Allison and Carter and Grant officially declare “war” over her.

Meanwhile, Henry finally admits to Grace that he is from a different timeline and doesn’t remember their marriage. Grace is, predictably, unhappy about this. They decide to separate and think over what they want to do about this situation. It’s about time Henry came clean with Grace. She deserved to know from the start. Though, like Henry, I wouldn’t have had the slightest idea how to go about telling her.


I found the plot this time a little clumsy. I figured out that Tiny wanted Emo pretty early and that short circuited the tension of her chasing Carter. However, the episode was filled with so many wonderful character bits that I really didn’t care. I loved Fargo’s high tech tent, it was so him. I also loved his talent for evasive driving (though I have to ask where was his AI car?). I loved Carter’s clumsy attempt to provide fatherly advice to Kevin. I loved Grant and Carter squaring off over Allison. I loved Fargo channeling the Terminator again and Allison channeling Ripley in Alien 2 (Get away from her you B*TCH!). I loved Carter jumping in harm’s way AGAIN, and that Kevin realized what he was doing instead of taking it for granted like the rest of Eureka does. I loved Grant and Carter putting aside their differences to save Kevin. Therefore, while it didn’t have a surprising plot reveal, I found it to be a very entertaining and satisfying episode.

Next week, it’s game on between Carter and Grant. I can’t wait.

 

redhairs99 8/16/2010 6:48:46 AM

Rob, Jennifer's Body is terrible...trust me.

Wise, you're just now finishing up last season's Smallville?  Man, I'm gearing up for the final season already.  Can't wait!  Though I will miss Callum Blue's awesome portrayal of Zod, the final season appears to be shaping up to be huge!

Eureka was good as always.  I'm not really sure why Henry never told Grace that "he" was falling for her when admitting everything about the time-travel deal.  As for the Grant/Carter/Allison triangle, I'm not a fan.  It just seems so forced.  I'd rather than have some other thing keeping them apart instead of force-feeding us this triangle with Grant.  I really think Grant's character should be more concerned with the whole "man out of time" arc instead of chasing after Allison.

LittleNell1824 8/16/2010 8:52:51 AM

I haven't watched Eureka yet, hubby's working a lot hours. It's sitting on the DVR waiting for a time when we can watch together.

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