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Toy Maniac: 7 Total Recall Toys We Wished We Had
I remembered it for you for wholesale
By Robert T. Trate
July 27, 2012
If only we had these today or in 1990
© Carolco Pictures
In 1990 I saw a trailer for a film called Total Recall. A guy (Arnold Schwarzenegger) learns that he isn’t who he believes he is. He becomes a wanted man and must travel to Mars to find out the truth. Watching the trailer over and over again, I was sucked in. I was 15 at the time and, though it might sound strange, I still asked permission from my parents to see the movie. I really wanted to see Total Recall. They said no. Perhaps it was the R rating (how could they have known that the F-Bomb was used 28 times in the film?) or that they didn’t want to spend the money, but I never saw Total Recall that summer. They did, however, buy me the book. It’s still tough for me to say this but, after I saw the movie, I thought the book was better. I still like the film and appreciate it so much more now for the cheeseball-olla sci-fi pulp novel it is. My imagination, however, got the better of me and despite Arnold being in my head for Quaid, I know I got a better performance out of him.
What amazes me still to this day is how the movie has endured. Further more, I can’t believe that there are no toys for the film. Sure, in 1990 toys for rated R movies where about scarce as a non-special edition comic book cover, but now? At Comic Con this year, NECA alone had new toys for Predator, Aliens, and Terminator (see pics), all of which pre-date Total Recall. So if I had my way or could go back in time, here are my wishes mixed with practicalities for Total Recall Toys.
Doug Quaid/ Hauser
Accessories: Guns, extra head wrapped in towel, Mars Money
1990‘s Special Features: Numerous phrases via voice chip that, over time, would all sound the same. Variant figures would have a glowing red nostril.
Toy Maniac: This is the essential figure and one that we will probably see soon form the likes of NECA. After all, if they can do Arnie as the T-800 and Dutch, why not Quaid?
Accessories: A switch in his back that uses his arms to reveal the little dude in his belly.
1990‘s Special Features: Glowing eyes for Kuato and a voice chip that says “Free Mars” and “Quaid”.
Toy Maniac: It might be or could have been the first Marshall Bell action figure ever. All right, besides that reason you just always have to have a funky alien in the group and who better than the leader of the resistance?
Mary (aka the 3 Breasted Hooker)
1990‘s Special Features: Duh
Toy Maniac: This one would not have flown back in 1990. Today, just pick up any Entertainment Earth catolgue and look through the Anime Statues. What’s the one thing you always see? “Removable Clothing”. Today, this would be the second figure they would make, right behind Arnie’s Quaid.
Accessories: Multiple guns and a brief case
1990’s Special Features: Quickdraw action when the switch in his back in pushed down.
Toy Maniac: Today, the badassary that is the Michael Ironside would easily get a figure made. In 1990, he would only have been made to have someone for Quaid to beat up.
Accessories: Thumbelina (the little person hooker)
1990‘s Special Features: A switch in her back that allows her to kung fu kick.
Toy Maniac: You have to have a female figure in the line for the ladies. I highly doubt Sharon Stone’s Lori would have gotten the green light with her being in Basic Instinct and on the cover of Playboy at the time the film was released.
Quaid in Disguise
Accessories: Removable Head that reveals Quaid
1990’s Special Features: The head would have to slide away in pieces whereas today it would have been a whole different head.
Toy Maniac: This would be (or probably will be) the third figure in the line.
Accessories: A voice chip featuring the voice of Robert Picardo and the headlights would work.
1990‘s Special Features: Despite being a cab designed for two people it would barely fit Quaid.
Toy Maniac: Every toy line has at least one vehicle and this is the obvious choice.
Robert Trate writes three weekly columns for Mania: the DVD Shopping Bag, the Toy Maniac, and The Geek Life. Follow Robert on Twitter for his for Geek ramblings, Cosplay photos and film criticisms.