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The Boy Who Cried Editing
a Not-to-be-taken-seriously story by Arcturus
It was a typical day in the Anime on DVD nursery. Most of the children were talking about anime (although few were actually watching it). Flood busied himself by reading newspaper articles aloud to everybody. The others didn?t listen to him, of course, because they were too busy making fun of him for the infamous ?bra incident.? AmericanPieFlute spent most of his time complaining about the kids in the playground across the street. Kris Granholm, as usual, was playing with the legos.
?So, what did you make this time?? BChaney asked Kris. ?Oh, I see. It?s another rectangular box.?
?Yeah. I don?t know why, but I?m obsessed with making these things!? a wild eyed Kris responded.
Meanwhile, the other children continued playing. Unfortunately, none of them could get into the toy chest, as it had been locked by Wolve.
Just then, the nursery door opened. ?Yay! It?s story time!? Most of the children quickly ran to the usual area for story reading.
?Hello, children,? Father_V said with a slight chuckle in his voice. ?How has everybody been today??
?Fine, except that panty thief came back!? a frustrated Cyber_3 said.
Meanwhile, outside the nursery, the panty-thief in question (who happened to be wearing an ADV hat and a Dirty Pair shirt) ran off into the sunset. ?Whatta haul!?
Back in the nursery, Father_V laughed. ?Oh, don?t worry, Cyber_3. We?ll catch him eventually. But in the meantime, I?ll read a story to you, as soon as you settle down! That means stop picking on the rest of the children, asagiri2040 and da Original S Man.?
As soon as the two bullies of the nursery had calmed down, Father_V opened the book he was holding. ?It?s called ?The Boy Who Cried Editing.??
Father_V cleared his throat. ?Once upon a time in a land far away, there was a town where people loved anime. Everyone watched it, and dub and sub fans lived together in harmony.?
?Does such a place exist?? Arcturus asked, inquisitively. Geoduck wordlessly thwapped him upside the head, for no particular reason.
?One day,? Father_V continued, ?a troublesome young lad yelled ?Editing, editing!? Everyone grabbed their pitchforks and torches and ran to his house. ?What?s being edited?? they asked.
??I just got Tenchi Muyo in Love!? the boy said. ?Pioneer replaced the original Japanese closing song with that awful English version!? Of course, the townsfolk already knew that the English version was the original, and explained it to the boy.
?The next day, the same boy cried ?Editing, editing!? The townsfolk rushed to his house to see what was the matter.
??Look at this copy of Armitage III: Polymatrix! There?s no Japanese track! It was edited!? Of course, everybody knew that no Japanese track existed for Armitage III: Polymatrix.
?One day later, the same boy cried ?Editing, editing!? But nobody paid attention to him, and the fact that Initial D was being edited. And because of that, when Initial D came out, everybody bought an edited title. And then the boy was eaten by wolves.?
Father_V closed the book. ?And so, children, what?s the moral of this story??
?Don?t edit anime DVDs?? Nuriko ventured.
?Don?t edit manga?? Osaka said.
?Don?t put profanity in English dubs?? NJR said.
?No, actually, the moral of the story is??
Father_V couldn?t finish, of course. The children, with their extremely short attention spans, had resumed their previous activities. He merely smiled and closed the book.