DVD Shopping Bag: Expendables 2

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DVD Shopping Bag: Expendables 2

I love you to pieces!

By Robert T. Trate November 20, 2012
Source: Mania.com

Stallone and the gang return
© Lionsgate

SPOILERS

All right, admit it. You sat through the first Expendables movie and liked it enough to watch the second. The concept, not the story, is great. Take all the classic eighties action stars and team them up for an adventure. The first movie worked and made a ton of money. A sequel is the next logical step. So, who didn’t we get for the first film? No matter, because now we’ll get them, too. Who wouldn’t want to be in an Expendables movie? I sat back and was ready to enjoy the equivalent of fast food film making with Simon West’s follow up to The Expendables.

This time around, Church (Bruce Willis), strong arms Barney (Sylvester Stallone) and his Little Rascals into recovering a package from a downed aircraft. When one of Barney’s team gets brutally killed, the others swear to track down the madman and kill him. That madman is played by none other than Jean-Claude Van Damme. Of course, Barney and his band of heroes find something to fight for other than revenge, but it’s all the same.

As fast and as fun as it was to consume this junk food movie, I was also sickened by it. Now, I understand that not all of these actors are the best. They are actors of a physical nature. Yet, despite their ages, many have learned how to deliver a line or two while firing a gun. However, my biggest problem with the film was the writing. Yes, the writing. The plot is completely believable. A Black Ops Operative hires a band of mercenaries to retrieve a package. When that mission goes wrong, the mercenaries take matters in their own hands. What I found so gut wrenching was the one liners. I honestly believe that each was made up on the spot. For the two or three good ones in the film (watch the Schwarzenegger and Willis exchange) there are as many bad ones as their are bullets. Obviously the writer of 16 Blocks, Vamp, and a Sweet Valley High episode doesn’t know how to write dialogue. Or perhaps he does and Simon West can’t wrangle his cast?

Here is my suggestion. Higher a writer who knows both pop culture and the cast that he is working with. The Expendables is the equivalent of an Ocean’s 11 movie. By which, I mean the original film with Frank Sinatra. It is to be played for laughs. Yes, we have some of the greatest action stars of all time ripping the screen apart. However, when their back and fourth is the equivalent of Teletubbies talking, the film flounders. Big time.

My other complaint was the actual screen time and appearance of the cast. Jet Li only appears in the opening adventure which has nothing to do with the actual story. Chuck Norris appears and disappears as quickly as arrived. Kudos to Chuck for getting in a Chuck Norris joke, though. Yet it is Dolph Lundgren who actually has too much screen time. His character delivers nothing to the point where I wish he would have died in the first film.

Yo Stallone, take back your new star vehicle and wrangle up some help. It’s a fun sandbox you have created and I would still saddle up for another adventure. Jason Statham is a great right hand man for this type of film. Only, don’t saddle him with girlfriend jokes that make him into more of bitch than the one he is dating. Have a meeting with Kevin Smith (Willis has his number) and get him to punch up the dialogue. Then, and I mean this with all sincerity, take back the director’s chair. You went out on the best note possible with John Rambo and Rocky Balboa. Do the same for The Expendables.

Top 5 Picks of the Week:
1. Game of Thrones: The Complete First Season (Blu-ray/DVD Combo + Digital Copy) (Collector's Edition)
2. Transformers Prime: Season Two
3. Heaven's Gate (Criterion Collection) [Blu-ray]
4. The Expendables 2 [Blu-ray + Digital Copy + UltraViolet]
5. Doctor Who: Limited Edition Gift Set

ACTION / ADVENTURE / KUNG FU/ THRILLERS / WESTERNS

American Warships Starring Mario Van Peebles, Carl Weathers, Johanna Watts

Another Kind Starring Jamie Law, Nate Miller, Laura Ramadei and Patrick Woodall

The Expendables 2 [Blu-ray + Digital Copy + UltraViolet] Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li

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Eyewitness Starring Donald Sinden, Muriel Pavlow, Belinda Lee and Michael Craig

The Hanged Man (UK PAL Region 0) Starring Steve Forrest

Puppet Master II

Ramrod [Blu-ray] Starring Joel McCrea, Veronica Lake, Don DeFore and Donald Crisp

Ramrod Starring Joel McCrea, Veronica Lake, Don DeFore and Donald Crisp

Schizo: Remastered Edition Starring Lynne Frederick

Stricken Starring Brett Gipson, Christina Tellifson David Fine

The Survival Games Starring Andrew Olson, Konrad Case, Mischa McCortney

The Trap Starring Richard Widmark, Lee J. Cobb, Tina Louise and Earl Holliman

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Zorro [Blu-ray] Starring Stanley Baker and Alain Delon

Zorro Starring Stanley Baker and Alain Delon

ANIME

Cluster Edge: Collection 2 (2012)

Galaxy Express 999: The Complete Series 1

Grave of the Fireflies [Blu-ray] Starring Ayano Shiraishi, Tsutomu Tatsumi, Akemi Yamaguchi

Inuyasha the Final Act Set 1

InuYasha: The Final Act, Set One [Blu-ray] Starring Houko Kuwashima, Kappei Yamaguchi, Kouji Tsujitani

Soul Eater - Complete Series Starring Micah Solusod, Laura Bailey, Brittney Karbowski

Soul Eater - Complete Series [Blu-ray] Starring Micah Solusod, Laura Bailey, Brittney Karbowski

Tenchi in Tokyo: Box Set Starring Petrea Burchard, Matthew K. Miller and Jennifer Darling

CARTOONS

Cinderella II: Dreams Come True & Cinderella III: A Twist In Time (Three-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo in Blu-ray Packaging) Starring Jennifer Hale, Christopher Daniel Barnes, Andre Stojka

Cinderella II: Dreams Come True & Cinderella III: A Twist In Time (Three-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo in DVD Packaging) Starring Jennifer Hale, Christopher Daniel Barnes, Andre Stojka

Cinderella II: Dreams Come True / Cinderella III: A Twist In Time (Two-Disc DVD Collection) Starring Jennifer Hale, Christopher Daniel Barnes, Andre Stojka

Cinderella Starring Ilene Woods and Eleanor Audley

Dragons: Riders of Berk Starring Jay Baruchel and America Ferrera

Pokemon Black & White Set 1

Transformers Prime: Season Two Starring Peter Cullen and Frank Welker

CLASSICS

Black Magic Starring Orson Welles and Akim Tamiroff

Pitfall Starring Dick Powell, Raymond Burr and John Litel

COMEDY AND LOVE Mania Style

Alter Egos Starring Danny Masterson, Sean Lennon, Joey Kern and Kris Lemche

Criterion Collection

Eclipse Series 37: When Horror Came to Shochiku (The X from Outer Space; Goke, Body Snatcher from Hell; The Living Skeleton; Genocide) (Criterion Collection)

Heaven's Gate (Criterion Collection) [Blu-ray] Starring Kris Kristofferson, Isabelle Huppert

Heaven's Gate (Criterion Collection) Starring Kris Kristofferson, Isabelle Huppert

HORROR

Backroad Starring Jennifer Peebles, Matthew Carter Courtney Rose

Backslasher Starring Eleanor James, Emily Eaves and Jason Impey

Big Tits Zombie Starring Sola Aoi, Mari Sakurai and Risa Kasumi

Caretaker, The Starring Clint Dowdell, Colin MacPherson, Lee Mason Anna Burgess

Cuckoo Clocks Of Hell, The Starring David C. Hayes, Lawrence Butcher Jim Van Bebber

Darklands Starring Craig Fairbrass, Jon Finch and Rowena King

The Dead Inside Starring Sarah Lassez and Dustin Fasching

The Fantasist Starring Timothy Bottoms

Helpless Starring Min-hie Kim, Seong-ha Jo and Seon-gyun Lee

Lost Realities Of Hog Caller, The Starring Steve O'Donnell, Brenda Paxil, Skip Jenkins, Derek Roden Tom Richards

Mark Of The Devil: Yack Pack (DVD And Vomit Bag)

Porcelain Man Starring Tidal Grace, Heidemarie Guggi Rob Carpenter

Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge [Blu-ray]

Slaughter Creek Starring Justin Henry, Aja Pollock, Ray Rosales

Slaughter Tales Starring Joey Davalos, Lloyd Kaufman, Joe Ankenbrand, Molly Russakoff, Matt Desiderio, Katrina Basilio Johnny Dickie

SCIENCE FICTION / FANTASY

Earthling Starring Rebecca Spence, Peter Greene, William Katt and Matt Socia

TV LAND

Diff'rent Strokes: The Complete Fourth Season Starring Conrad Bain, Gary Coleman and Todd Bridges

Game of Thrones: The Complete First Season (Blu-ray/DVD Combo + Digital Copy) (Collector's Edition) Starring Harry Lloyd, Mark Addy, Alfie Allen and Sean Bean

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Complete Series Starring Richard Steven Horvitz, Amy Jo Johnson and David Yost

BOX SETS

Agatha Christie's Miss Marple: Movie Collection

Complete Thin Man Collection Starring William Powell

Doctor Who: Limited Edition Gift Set Starring Matt Smith, David Tennant, Christopher Eccleston

Gingerdead Man Trilogy Box Set Starring Robin Sydney, Jonathan Chase Gary Busey

The Pete Walker Collection (House of Whipcord, Die Screaming Marianne, The Comeback, Schizo) [Blu-ray] Starring Susan George, Jack Jones, Pamela Stephenson and David Doyle

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COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

thezillaman 11/20/2012 1:29:03 AM

it was fun and it was a no brainer film , just made for cool explosions and blasting people to bits. i don't think that the plot needed to be more than what it was, i like stalone, van dame, dolph , bruce, jet li, arnie, jason , and chucky, and the rest that i diden't mantioned. the movie was crazy fun. i liked it had a good time watching it with my son, we liked the first one as well, hope the third one is just as much action and fun. hope they bring mel gibson or clint eastwood, or antonio banderas, please..

thezillaman 11/20/2012 1:33:16 AM

or have hellboy, jackie chan, travolta, nick cage,

Boombatty 11/20/2012 7:28:46 AM

OK, best title on the DVD list, "Big Tits Zombie".

Sounds like a real thriller.

redhairs99 11/20/2012 7:49:08 AM

Expendables 2 was fun, but I agree with Bob, here. For a movie like this, let's face it, writing is not going to be it's strong suit, but that doesn't mean it isn't still important. You still have to put in a little effort into the writing. Not much, but something.

Also highly disappointed that Jet Li is in about 3 minutes of the movie and half of that time he was shooting a gun rather than doing what he's famous for.