DELICATESSEN
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The Cannibal's Cookbook

Zombies and cannibals may be the horror monster of the moment thanks to flicks like 28 Days Later and the upcoming Texas Chainsaw remake, but we at Cinescape feel that anything a flesh-eating ghoul can do, we can do better. So for those ready to beat the undead and the hungry hillbillies at their own game, here's a list of delectable delights, according to the movies (many of which are available on DVD and VHS), that you can concoct out of sweet tender human sirloin! We've also offered warnings for those not familiar with the concept of "cause and effect."

Sashimi Offspring:

Flesh Eating Mothers (d: James Aviles Martin, 1989): Take one crazy STD, mix with females who have children, and presto! Soon you have one exquisite dish of uncooked children. Drawback: Fewer income

EATING RAOUL

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Swinger's Stew:

Eating Raoul (d: Paul Bartel, 1982): First, kill a swinger, then grind up their meat. Next, feed to Fido. (Note: If the swinger/lothario has offended you in some grievous manner, save the meat for yourself.) Drawback: Puts leisure suit companies out of business.

Beggar's Beef:

Delicatessen (d: Jean-Pierre Jeunet, 1991): If it's the future, you live in France and there's a food shortage, simply recruit new tenants, kill them, and then sell the meat to your established tenants. Drawback: Decreases revenue from rent.

Pot Luck:

Cannibal Holocaust (d: Ruggero Deodato, 1979): Take a bunch of reprehensible documentary filmmakers, throw them in the jungle, have them inflict savage violence on a primitive tribe, wait a few minutes and bam! carnivorous retribution. Drawback: Seriously affects the image of that most noble of professions, journalism.

Poached Adulterer's Beau:

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover (d: Peter Greenaway, 1989): Abuse everyone around you, present yourself as the epitome of gluttony, then kill your wife's lover. Soon, it won't be crow you're eating. Drawback: Quality of the meat before preparation questionable

DELICATESSEN

© 2003 Paramount Home Entertainment

Wafer Treats:

Soylent Green (d: Richard Fleischer, 1973): Legalize euthanasia, then process the deceased's remains into flavorful wafer treats fit for mass consumption. Drawback: Charlton "God's right hand man" Heston will spill the beans.

Corpse Chocolate:

Consuming Passions (d: Giles Foster, 1988): Drop a human or two into your chocolate mix and soon all the world will be clamoring for that extra kick your goodies provide. Drawback: Chocolate may cause acne.

Rock Star Jerky:

Motel Hell (d: Kevin Connor, 1980) Simply stop by Farmer Vincent's place and pick up a batch. Made from the flesh of the sleaziest deviants the world has to offer. Drawback: A chainsaw-wielding creep wearing a pig's head wanders about

RAVENOUS

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Power Bar:

Ravenous (d: Antonia Bird, 1999) Inadvertently ingest the blood off a dead man's face and the rejuvenating powers of human flesh will open up to you. Not only will you get the adrenaline of 100 cups of coffee, you'll develop superpowers. Drawback: None now start licking that cadaver!