Cartoonophobia

By BRIAN THOMAS     May 20, 2006

I was discussing the upcoming weekend's new theatrical releases with some friends last week, and inevitably OVER THE HEDGE was mentioned. Someone said that they definitely wouldn't be seeing it, because they "don't watch cartoons". Some tried to sway him by explaining that it was all CGI, like that would make it okay for him, but I realized right away that he was one of Them. Believe it or not, there are some people in our society that don't "get" cartoons. They don't watch THE SIMPSONS, THE BOONDOCKS, or any other TV cartoon. They don't read DILBERT, MUTTS, or any other newspaper comic strip. They don't read THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, WALT DISNEY'S COMICS & STORIES, SIN CITY or any other comic-book. And they certainly don't buy a ticket or rent a DVD to see HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE, SHREK, GHOST IN THE SHELL or THE LITTLE MERMAID. They don't even read the panel cartoons in Playboy or the New Yorker. And yet, they'll follow the little stick figures to tell which public bathroom to use. And when they buy a new backyard swingset for the kids, they'll follow the step-by-step illustrations to assemble it. They just don't make the connection for some reason, They have some sort of cartoon mental block, and no amount of trite Sunday magazine features will change their minds you know, those "comics aren't just for kids anymore pieces that have been getting ink since the 1970s.

I know it's tough, but the best way to deal with these people is to try to ignore their strange trait. No amount of explanation of how all written language is derived from cartoons will change their minds. No amount of exposure to the greatest works of visual storytelling will bridge that gap. At some point they became convinced that cartoons are childish or trivial, and that has been that ever since. I can't explain why it happens I suspect it has something to do with the fact that children naturally love cartoons, and therefore some people still accept the idea that they are only for children. (Kids like ice cream, too, my friend, but I don't see you putting down your spoon.)

Yes, it's unfathomably scary. However, let me try to put it in some sort of perspective. I love sushi not every single variety of sushi, but for the most part I find it incredibly delicious. I didn't always like it like many westerners, the idea of "raw fish" wasn't exactly appetizing. However, I'm adventurous enough that one night I tried a little, and found that some of it was quite good. Then a friend took me to a really good sushi restaurant, where everything is fresh, the rice is cooked just right, and the chef knows just the right amount of spice to give each piece some zip without going too far. I was hooked, and sometimes I have longing dreams about that restaurant. But no one could really talk me into liking it, even though I told myself philosophically that eating "raw fish" isn't any stranger a concept than eating "cooked pig". I had to decide for myself to have an open mind and give it a shot. Maybe these people will have a breakthrough one day one former cartoonophobe called me up recently to ask excitedly if I'd seen SAMURAI 7 yet but then again, maybe they won't. It's sad more than scary, but some people are fated to go through life without ever having a thought bubble over their heads.

SPOTLIGHT OF THE WEEK

Now, only in theaters:

(O) OVER THE HEDGE (DreamWorks) Have you seen it yet? What did you think? Remember, the first reader that makes a STAR WARS reference on a Cinescape User Comments board no matter what the subject is crowned Pope of Dweebs For A Day!

NEW DVD RELEASES

Here's a rundown of the constant stream of anime comin' at ya on DVD from around the world:

(O) ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS: The Chipmunk Adventure (Paramount) 1987

feature film debut of the three singing chipmunks. When guardian Dave Seville goes to Europe on business, the boys enter an around-the-world balloon race to follow him.
(O) ANIMATED ALL STARS (Brentwood) 50 cartoon shorts from the Hearst library on two discs, including appearances by Betty Boop and comic-strip stars Beetle Bailey, Flash Gordon, the Phantom, Barney Google and Prince Valient.
(O) ARTHUR: Arthur's Computer Adventure (Sony Wonder) Arthur wrecks his mom's computer, but she doesn't care it was only a Mac. Plus "The Piano" and "Lucky Pencil".
(O) ARTHUR: Arthur's Substitute Teacher (Sony Wonder) When a sub shows up, Arthur and his classmates stage a recreation of Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" music video.
(O) ARTHUR: D.W. Rides Again (Sony Wonder) More horseplay.
(O) BERENSTEIN BEARS: Fun Family Adventures (Sony Wonder) The bears attack a campsite and eat a baby.
(O) CARICATURAS CLASSICAS Volumen 1 & 2 (Brentwood) Superman, Popeye, El Super Raton (Mighty Mouse) and many more star in Spanish language dubs of old public domain cartoon shorts.
(O) DESERT PUNK Volume 3: Vixen of the Desert (Funimation) Punk is lured into a questionable treasure hunt by the charms of Junko. Includes commentrak and more.
(O) DOKI DOKI SCHOOL HOURS 4th Hour (Geneon)
(O) FAIRLY ODDPARENTS: Fairy Idol (Paramount) Three episodes plus bonus shorts.
(O) GROWING UP WITH WINNIE THE POOH: It's Playtime with Pooh (Buena Vista) Ewww.
(O) GROWING UP WITH WINNIE THE POOH: Love and Friendship (Buena Vista)
(O) GUN SWORD Volume 1: Endless Illusion (Geneon) A stoic man with a magic sword hunt a frontier planet for the man that killed his wife. First four episodes, plus TV commercials. Also available with collector box with die-cast metal keychain.
(O) HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN: THE FAIRY TALES COLLECTOR'S EDITION (Starlight) 30 animated stories in a 9-disc album.
(O) MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM SEED: DESTINY Volume 2 (Bandai)
(O) NANAKA 6/17 Volume 1: The Not-So-Magical Mishap (ADV) A teenage girl suffers a brain injury that regresses her mind to age 6.
(O) THE PIRATES OF TORTUGA: Under the Black Flag (Gaiam) Treasure hunting kids travel through time for a pirate adventure. Includes games and tattoos.
(O) PRINCESS TUTU Volume 5: Schwert Und Feder (ADV) Episodes 19-22. The crows gather and Tutu has a mission to complete. Includes commentrak and featurettes.
(O) REDWALL Season Two (Funimation) Episodes 14-26. Brian Jacques' beloved characters continue their adventures.
(O) SAMURAI JACK Season 3 (Warner Bros.) A samurai is sent forward in time to a far-flung future where his arch enemy rules over a techno-nightmare world. Also available bundled with seasons 1 & 2.
(O) THOMAS & FRIENDS: Tales from the Tracks (Anchor Bay) Thomas gets drunk and wakes up with his caboose tattooed.
(O) WINX CLUB Volume 4: Stolen Dragon Fire (Funimation) 5 episodes. The witches steal Bloom's power and use it to raise an army.
(O) X-MEN EVOLUTION Complete Third Season (Warner Bros.)
(O) YU-GI-OH! Capsule Monsters Part 1 (Funimation)

UMD CORNER

(O) IKKI-TOUSEN Volume 1: Legendary Fighter (Geneon)

And be sure to check back next weekand every weekfor CINESCAPE's Anime Avalanche! And check in every Tuesday for the latest DVD Shopping List!

Anime Avalanche (© 2006 Brian Thomas) is our weekly animation column. Brian Thomas is the author of the massive book VideoHound's DRAGON: ASIAN ACTION & CULT FLICKS, available now!

Questions? Comments? Let us know what you think at DVDShoppingList@cinescape.com.