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Celebrities in Excess

By Jarrod Sarafin     June 02, 2007

Actress Lindsay Lohan.
Every week, it seems like a new celebrity is getting busted for something and it’s starting to tally up for some to the point where they will be serving time. Look at Tom Sizemore for a clear example of it.
Sure, celebrities have a habit of getting out of trouble for their earlier offenses but as it adds up in their crime sheet, the likelihood that they will get off scott free gets slimmer in the margin sheets sitting comfortably right next to that judge’s gavel.
So, why do they continue doing it?
Why can’t the same culprits learn the mistakes from overindulging their favorite drugs and alcohol?
I’ve heard many people call it a disease which takes a long time to treat. I’d have to agree with that sentiment.
Look at the recent public self analyzing that Craig Ferguson did on his Late Late Night show? Did you have a chance to read Stephen King’s piece a few weeks back in Entertainment Weekly.
It just seems to me that some of these celebrities that never took a page out of D.A.R.E would do better for themselves and the people they have around them if they would take up the advice given from the above two examples.
To start it off this week, let’s talk about a prime example:
Lohan runs her car into a tree with Cocaine in her car
Lindsay Lohan has been in and out of treatment, AA meetings & rehabs. She hasn’t even turned 21 yet and it looks like she won’t be celebrating her 21st birthday with more partying
Lohan's run-in with the law occurred at around 5:30 a.m. Saturday, when the actress crashed her car over a curb and into some trees. Police said they discovered a "usable amount" of a substance believed to be cocaine on the scene.
The incident didn't seem to do much to dampen Lohan's celebratory spirits. Less than 48 hours after the crash that left her briefly hospitalized, she hit the town again, attending a Memorial Day pool party at Hollywood hot spot Teddy's, from which she emerged at about 4:30 a.m. Monday looking considerably the worse for wear.
Okay, here’s a question. Why wasn’t she in jail for cocaine after the hospital visit??
No, she didn’t stop overindulging either.
According to sources, she collapsed outside the club and had to be helped into her friend's SUV by the bouncer. Photo agency X17 snapped shots of her kneeling on the pavement outside the club and slumped over in the passenger seat of the car, seemingly passed out. 
Lohan then checked into the Promises treatment center in Malibu Monday after she was arrested over the weekend for driving under the influence. (Her arrival on the grounds was, of course, documented by the ever-ready paparazzi.)
Lohan's rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, issued a statement confirming the actress had entered rehab and requesting that her privacy be respected.
"Lindsay admitted herself to an intensive medical rehabilitation facility on Memorial Day," Zelnik said. "Because this is a medical matter, it is our hope that the press will appreciate the seriousness of the situation and respect the privacy of Lindsay as well as the other patients receiving treatment at the facility."
Her weekend escapades have already put a dent in her 21st birthday celebrations. Vodka company Svedka has pulled out as a sponsor of the Las Vegas bash, per the New York Daily News.
Here’s what her father has to say about it…
"I spoke to the people treating Lindsay, because I wanted to make sure she was getting the right care," said Michael, who is studying to be a drug rehab counselor with the faith-based addiction recovery organization Teen Challenge. "And I'm satisfied they are doing the right thing for her, helping her detox from the painkillers and things. That's a very important step."
Michael, who says he became a dedicated Christian after his recent release from jail for a DUI and assault charge, explained that after the detox period for alcohol and opiates, Lindsay would receive treatment and counseling for other drugs, including cocaine. He also said he wanted to make sure Lindsay would be getting religious counseling.
"And I learned they use the 12-step program," Michael said, "which includes a lot of lessons based on God's teachings, so I was satisfied with that. First she needs to get clean, then she needs to let God into her life."
Lohan also entered the Wonderland Center for treatment in January which shut down production on the thriller I Know Who Killed Me was shut down for over a week.
Despite completing the 30-day Wonderland program, as well as attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for over a year, Lohan has yet to publicly admit that she has a problem with alcohol abuse.
"I don't know that I'm necessarily an addict," she told Allure last month, stating that she entered rehab on the advice of her therapist as a way of "tak[ing] care of my personal health."
"It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab," she told the magazine.
Yeah. Okay. You may just get your wish if you don’t start listening to better advice about your drug and alcohol habits, Lohan. You may end up in a box.
Take a page out of Anna Nicole Smith (currently in a box) or Tom Sizemore (about to serve hard time).
ABC and other Agencies are now looking to Underage Celebrity Drinking
It’s about damn time too.
Seriously, why hasn’t this been covered more with all the teenage celebrity incidents over the last 10 years??
Because the actress doesn't turn 21 until July 2, many are questioning how she and other underage stars have been allowed access to Hollywood clubs for the past couple of years.
In response, the California Alcohol Beverage Control Board is set to increase its undercover operations at many of the celebrity-studded nightspots in and around Hollywood.
The board has already been looking to sanction high-profile clubs that openly serve those who are famous but not legal. ABC has requested information from the Beverly Hills Police Department pertaining to the Lohan investigation to determine whether Les Deux violated the law over the weekend
Paparazzi videos indicate Lohan left the club at 3:30 a.m. on Saturday, two hours before her crash. Per state law, alcohol cannot be served in California after 2 a.m.
The club issued a statement Wednesday claiming it did nothing wrong: "Because of the enormous paparazzi presence outside of Les Deux that night, we allowed her to stay late and wait for her friends." A spokesperson also insists that Lohan only had dinner and wasn't drinking.
Last year, after Lohan, Mary Kate Olsen, Frankie Muniz and Jessie McCartney were photographed leaving the club Mood, ABC raided the bar. The board is now trying to get a 15-day suspension for Mood.
Now, following the uproar over the Lohan arrest, a new round of raids on Hollywood clubs could be imminent, though, the agency acknowledges, it is difficult for the board's four agents to stay on top of the more than 2,800 liquor license owners in the Los Angeles area.
Yeah, right. The agency can’t find time and resources to stay on top of it all.
Paula Abdul says she doesn’t drink or do drugs
As for why she always sounds drunk or drugged up when speaking??
She says it’s a medical condition.
"I'm sick of it. I've never been drunk. I don't do recreational drugs. It's defamation of character," Abdul told OK! magazine in its latest issue.
Abdul, 44, has said in the past that she suffers from reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD), a rare neurological disorder that causes chronic pain.
She claims the condition often keeps her up at night, leaving her exhausted and therefore more prone to making nonsensical statements.
"If I appear exhausted on television, it's because I am! I have a lot of sleepless nights because I'm in so much pain," she said. "I try to say something and I stumble, and that's what people have picked up on. I'm not polished."
Abdul's chronic pain began with a cheerleading accident when she was 17, and was exacerbated by a car accident caused by a drunk driver in 1987 and a plane crash in 1992.
"I have four titanium plates in my neck. I've had 14 surgeries over the years. I had an operation the same evening as the first-season finale of American Idol," she told OK!
She said she manages the pain with anti-inflammatory medications, massage therapy and acupuncture.
"It can come and go at any time, but I no longer have the intense nerve pain that is associated with RSD, thank God."
Abdul first revealed that she suffered from the condition in 2005 while responding to rampant speculation from posters on the American Idol message boards about her erratic behavior on the show.
"It was time to set the record straight. I want America to know that I have never been addicted to anything, no chemical dependency, nothing for recreational purposes," she told Entertainment Weekly.
In January, she again spoke up in her own defense after raising eyebrows by conducting a series of television interviews in which she slurred her words and appeared generally confused.
She blamed the incident on a combination of factors, including an audio glitch and lack of sleep, but firmly denied that alcohol or drugs had anything to do with it.
"Fatigue and exhaustion just added to the whole thing looking so disoriented. But no alcohol and no drugs, absolutely no!" Abdul told Robin Leach's Vegas-based blog, Luxe Life, at the time.
"I just can't explain it, but for me, no excuses and no apologies."
Hell, she may be speaking the truth here. Her condition may stop her from speaking credible lucid English at times.
Paris Hilton will be in jail by Tuesday
I’m happy to hear it too. It translates into no more news about her doing something goofy for a good month of time.
On or before 11:59 p.m. (PT) on Tuesday, Hilton must turn herself into authorities to begin serving a 23-day jail sentence for probation violations. She can surrender at a Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department facility. Or maybe even at a courtroom. But she must surrender.
There was a report that the 26-year-old hotel heiress might turn herself in sooner rather than later.
There was a report that her cellmate had already been selected. There were so many reports that sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore sounded weary Thursday of responding to them. But he did. One more time.
Hah! I bet the law can’t wait till this is over.
According to Whitmore, the surrender deadline is what it is—June 5;  the cellmate situation is undecided.
"We don't know if she'll have a roommate yet," Whitmore said. "Very possibly, she'll be in there by herself."
"In there" is the Century Regional Detention Facility, a county-run jail in Lynwood, California, where Hilton, who was sentenced May 4, will be one of as many as 2,300 female inmates. She'll dress like them (orange jumpsuit), and she'll eat like them (three meals a day), but she won't quite be one of them. Certainly, not all of them.
Hilton will be housed in a so-called special-needs housing unit. (Hilton's special need is her celebrity.) The pod consists of 12 cells, combining to hold up to a 24 inmates.
Apart from her exclusion from the jail's general population, Hilton will go through the usual inmate paces:
  • Lights on at 6 a.m.
  • Breakfast, usually consisting of cold cereal, bread, orange juice, milk and a hard-boiled egg, from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m.
  • Lunch, usually consisting of a sandwich, an apple, cookies, veggies and a beverage, from 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.
  • Dinner, centered around spaghetti, pepper steak or perhaps macaroni and cheese, from 4 p.m. to 5:30 p.m.
  • Lights out at 10 p.m.
Every day will be like this routine.
Hilton will also be given a standard-issue inmate kit that includes toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, comb, deodorant, shampoo, razor, pencil, paper, envelopes and stamps. She can get makeup from the jail commissary, provided she has enough funds in a prepaid account.
Inmates like Hilton take their meals inside their cells and can receive daily visits from their attorneys, and one visit a day from others on the weekend. Daily downtime lasts about an hour—precisely how long Hilton can spend outside her cell, and in the larger housing pod.
She will not be allowed to give interviews and jail employees have been expressly forbidden from taking her photograph.
The Simple Life star will not have a TV, but she'll be near one. The housing unit has one wall-mounted set in the common area.
Said Whitmore: "She can see it from her cell."
Meh. She’s going to probably get a cell by herself and she will be well treated. I’m even sure she’s going to come out saying “It was no big deal” because of said preferential treatment. Of course, she won’t know in that brain of hers that she didn’t truly have a “jail” experience but oh well, right?


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DaForce1 6/2/2007 4:12:25 AM
Ah, the American "justice" system...the best that money can buy.
jppintar326 6/2/2007 9:53:47 AM
Lindsay's father is under a restraining order from seeing Lindsay or her siblings. Therefore, his only outlet is the press to plead for her recovery. I think Lindsay's mom should be to blame for all this. Since she is also Lindsay's manager, she is in essence her daughter's employee and answers to her in every decision. She seems to have forgotten that she is the parent who needs to tell her daughter no regardless of how old she is. She's your daughter, not your meal ticket. Start acting like one. As far as Paris Hilton is concerned, the sooner she goes to jail to serve her time, the better. She's an adult who needs to know that she is not above the law regardless of how much money she has. Why is Hollywood full of irresponsible people who must learn how to hail a cab or limo if you had too much to drink?
CaptainJackSpareribs 6/2/2007 10:30:25 AM
Why? Because FANatics think whatever they do is cool. When that happens the stars feel like they're GODS among mortals but quickly discover that they're so human as they stare out the window of their local Betty Ford/Jail Cell/Morgue (in this case they don't stare). Look at Michael Jackson. He was THE BIGGEST pop star on the planet. Whatever he did people acted like he invented oxygen. When he started bringing kids over to his ranch people said "Oh he's a big kid at heart." or "He's a celebrity he wont hurt them". Well look at ole Moonwalker now. He's screwed up by his own merit. But at the same time the media/public encouraged it. The same with Lohan, Hilton, Richie and whomever else. People need to stop supporting and reporting on them and take them out of the limelight. That'll teach em.
bjjdenver 6/2/2007 1:24:06 PM
Agreed Captain. Celebs have a sense of invincibility and entitlement, all brought to them by us the fans. If they were treated as outcasts, like much of the regular public, things would change. Perhaps Hollywood should adopt a zero tolerance rule like the NFL, lol. If a celeb has to many run-ins with the law, they get suspended from working for a year and so-on and so-on. Lindsey Lohan POS! Man if you think drinking is the biggest problem she has then you are way off base here. I agree her family is a mess, but at some point you have to stop using that as an excuse and take some responsibility. Paris Hilton, she needs to...aww the Hell with it, who gives a crap about her anymore. I thought the opening of the article was kind of funny. To me it seems like 90% of the time it is the same crappy people getting into trouble. LL, PH and Sizemore?? Damn, aren't they in the news almost daily for their silly hijinks?
Tonebone 6/2/2007 2:26:31 PM
Its so easy to blame us fans. But I also blame the people around these idiots. Unfortunately, too many people have a vested interest in Lindsay and Paris being out and about and will refuse to tell them any better just to keep the money coming in. Sad what fame not only does to the celebrities, but to their parents and the people around them that supposedly care for them
killerville 6/2/2007 5:01:24 PM
I blame us. I blame myself for even feeling compelled to post this comment. WE give them this attention. Im w/ Maynard. Sink the whole fucking state. We dont need Lohan or Hilton etc to make films and television. I think art will survive w/o these self important buttholes. Why is it the ones without any simblance of artistic merit are the ones who are raising all this hell? Well, I like Tre from Phish, and Sizemore was cool in Private Ryan, but they both deserve jailtime, regardless of the fact that I think they have some redeeming virtues. But I digress...My point is that we would not know what was going on w/ these people if we werent paying so much attention, and if we stopped paying attention it would depower them.
jppintar326 6/2/2007 9:59:17 PM
These people are interesting in the way a car crash is interesting. In Lindsay Lohan's case, it's literally. We don't want to watch yet we can't look away either. That was certainly true of Ann Nicole Smith. Fame eventually killed her. I agree with what people are saying in that we should ignore these people, yet I find myself compelled in what they may do next. Yes we are to blame but we can't help ourselves. I don't know how many people have heard Brad Paisley's song "Celebrity" but it was a tongue in cheek on celebrity culture. "Can't wait to date a supermodel. Can't wait to sue my dad. Can't wait to wreck on Ferrari on my way to rehab....I get to cry to Barbara Walters when things don't my way...."etc. Every time a celebrity get in trouble, I think of this song and how true it is. If you hadn't heard the song, you should listen to it even if you don't like country music. It tells the truth. The video features William Shatner and Jason Alexander and they are very funny in it.
DarkJedi_home 6/2/2007 10:34:00 PM
Hah. Guys, I understand the sentiment about "if you ignore them, they'll go away." that I hear attached to this column every single week.. But the whole point/purpose of Superficial Slobber's column as it was handed to me is to talk about the nimrods...usually the same ones (i.e Lindsay and Paris)... If you all come across something better during the week that would go on Superficial Slobber, send the stories to me. You can pm me at the forums with the story or pm me here on the official site. I'll look into the story and put it in the column. That way, you won't get just Lindsay and Paris every single week. Jarrod Sarafin
oldnewbie 6/3/2007 9:41:00 AM
Back in the old "Golden Age" of Hollywood, a strict code was enforced by the the studios on their stars (a morality clause). Actors were suspended or even fired if they abused drink or drugs or were seen in the company of someone not their spouses. Sure, some stars still got into trouble, but if the star was a huge money maker, "fixers" or spin doctors were employed to hush up the incidents and keep them from the press. Only if something totally unavoidable (like Errol Flynns rape case in the 1940's) happened did it make headlines. Of course back then the studios ran everything and actors were under contract to them. So perhaps it would not be possible today to enforce a 'morality clause"... anyway, just ranting... thanks!
momitchell7 6/4/2007 5:15:31 PM
Man! One name kept popping into my mind as I was reading about Lindsay here - River Phoenix. Young, up and coming, making a great name for himself as an actor and then BAM... He drops dead right outside of a club from ODing on drugs. Damn right... she WILL be dead, before for she ever enters Rehab (for real) and it won't be long either if nothing changes in her life. Sad...
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