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Fanboys vs. Anti-Fanboys

3/9/2007 5:40:54 PM permalink

Today I would like to discuss with you those ever bothersome nuisances known as fanboys and their equally, if not more, annoying counterparts, the anti-fanboys.  Yes friends, believe it or not, fanboys are no longer alone in their ability to annoy the living crap out of people with their insatiable blind love and devotion for a particular property, franchise, series, or what-have-you.  Now is the dawn of the anti-fanboy.

Let us begin by taking a closer look at the fanboy.  You see them everywhere across the internet.  Those people who, for whatever reason, love something so much it seems to consume their lives and become their sole reason for living.  But it doesn't end there.  If you so much as utter a single bad word about whatever it is these people like, they'll be on you like a gang of barbarians clubbing you senseless with their words of admiration for that which they love and letting you know just what a stupid frickin' moron you must be for disliking it even a tiny bit.  Oh yes, it's quite sad.

For example, let's take the Sony fanboy, a type of fanboy I've become quite familiar with recently.  His or her love and admiration for Sony is so great, the company can do no wrong.  No matter how arrogant the company acts, no matter what useless things the company incorporates into their products, no matter what ridiculously outrageous claims they may make, the fanboy can see no fault with Sony.  Sony is god.  The Sony fanboy lives and breaths for no greater reason than to kiss Sony's feet.

And just so we're clear, I'll repeat, that was an example.  It doesn't have to be Sony.  It can be literally anything you can think of that has a fan following (and just so we're extra clear, there's a big difference between a fan and a fanboy).  Fanboys are everywhere and can be obsessed with anything: Xbox, Nintendo, Spider-Man, Batman, Star Trek, Star Wars, Xena, Farscape, Halo, ect, ect, ect.  For every fanboy there is a property, and for every property there is a fanboy.  A fanboy is incapable of seeing either perspective.  There is no good or bad, there is only good.  Dare not defy the fanboy, for he shall surely show you the error of your ways.

But I have seen the future my friends.  I have beheld the face of that which is certainly as bad, or worse, than fanboys.  I call this abomination the anti-fanboy.  The anti-fanboy is almost exactly like a fanboy in that they have a near fanatical attachment to a series, franchise, or some kind of property.  The difference you ask, where the fanboy loves the anti-fanboy knows only hate.

Just like a fanboy, the anti-fanboy will attach himself to a property, but he will instead hate on said property like his very being depends upon it.  Everything about that property sucks.  Nothing about it was good.  It's all garbage all the time.  Just like the fanboy, no argument you can make will matter in the slightest.  That movie, video game system, tv series, whatever it was, it sucked balls!  Big honking donkey balls at that.

There is truly only one thing that differentiates the anti-fanboy from the fanboy.  If you disagree with a fanboy, he'll simply call you stupid for not liking what he loves (although it's sure to be more long winded than that).  But the anti-fanboy sees fanboys everywhere he goes.  If you like something the anti-fanboy so passionately hates, then you sir must be (gasp) a costume wearing fanboy!!!

And this is where the anti-fanboy surpasses the fanboy in his ability to insult.  If I like a movie that the anti-fanboy hates, I don't see how that would automatically make me a fanboy, or worse, a freak who wears a costume while watching a movie he likes.  Seriously, a person who has to watch his favorite sci-fi show dressed as his favorite alien species or character in said show is a whole step up or more from a simple fanboy.  And the guy who regularly golfs in same said costume on a regular basis is another step up from that.  But all that wackiness is a topic for another time.

In closing, there is no reasoning with either the fanboy or the anti-fanboy.  Their devoted love or hate is both blinding and all encompassing.  You can make all the arguments you want for or against whatever it is they are for or against, but if your opinion doesn't mirror their own, you are simply wrong.  Trying to have a simple, reasonable, intelligent, coherent discussion with people like this is a complete and utter waste of your oh so valuable time.  Just move on and seek the reasonable people.  You know, the ones who may not always agree with your point of view, but can certainly see both the good and bad in something.  Avoid the both the fanboy and the anti-fanboy at all costs!

Tags: freaks, fanboy, fanboys, obsessive, morons, idiots, nuisances



Date Joined: May 31, 2006