Life is tough for the undead, especially if you're perpetual twenty-something Viktoria (Marisa Ryan). Years ago Viktoria was so into vampire lore she and a boyfriend went out and got themselves turned into members of the blood sucking persuasion, and I ain't talking about insurance salesmen. Years later Viktoria is hanging out with a bunch of goodie two shoe vampires and facing off against requisite bad vampire Charles (Christopher Wiehl) and his lost boys. One day during a particularly heated confrontation between Viktoria and Charles a new boy comes into town with just the right touch of insanity to put a vampire bozo like Charles in his place. Who could this black trenchcoat wearing fiend be? Yes, that's right, it's Kevin Smith, director of such hit films as CLERKS, DOGMA, CHASING AMY and MALLRATS. (Oh wait, that last one wasn't a hit... oops, sorry Box Office Magazine.) Actually, that black trenchcoat wearing fiend is Seth (Robert Floyd), a non-vampire with a secret that gives him the strength to take on an entire vampire clan single-handedly while still making time for his frat buddies and wooing the local vampire girl.
Vampire films come a dime a dozen nowadays, making it a viewers' market. With so much produce and such limited time, what exactly does COLD HEARTS (tagline, "Eternity Bites") have to offer you, the vampire expert, or that person behind you, the vampire novice?
Directed by Robert A. Masciantonio, COLD HEARTS feels like a FELICITY Halloween episode channeled through a dozen horror films, including THE LOST BOYS and NEAR DARK, and wrapped up with an EC comic ending. Persons looking to enjoy a vampire film with a wholly original concept and/or execution best steer their eyes elsewhere. Why then should anybody bother with COLD HEARTS at all? Well, because Robert A. Masciantonio's film is very likeable, with solid lead performances that help distract the audience from a sloppy third act.
Likeable is, of course, a rather abstract concept that is surely not to be shared by all who take the time to sit through this film. Persons with a snicker in their hearts and a glib line on their lips will pounce upon COLD HEARTS like a housecat onto a wounded pigeon. Claws extended, they will tear through the substantial amounts of meat the film offers with its low budget, uneven performances, character inconsistencies and awkward, underdeveloped conclusion. This may sound cruel, but as witness to such a mutilation, I must say that it is honest. Yet in spite of the derision of others I enjoyed the majority of this film, flawed though it is.
Masciantonio had the very good fortune to cast as his romantic leads Marisa Ryan and Robert Floyd, both of whom bring substantial strength to what could have been stock characters. Ryan in particular is a stand out as the world-weary vampire Viktoria, broken down by the years into a warm, though actually cold, hearted cynic. Floyd does well as the shy mystery man Seth whose past holds plenty of horror and a few key secrets. Together they have an understated camaraderie that makes their eventual pairing feel natural, though not inevitable. This is the principal thrust of the storyline and its success is paramount over all other areas. Since it achieves this aim, its failings in other areas are suitably buffered.
As writer and director, Masciantonio should be commended for steering Ryan and Floyd to such charming performances and his dialogue between the two comes across as natural as opposed to written. Most of the interactive dialogue in this film flows pretty smoothly; it's just in the transitions that the film loses steam, in that things at the end just get a little too abrupt and characters display behavior that we haven't been prepared for. Still, the initial warmth of the two lead actors goes a long way and those who give COLD HEARTS a chance may find it enough.
Released by Synapse Films (www.synapse-films.com), COLD HEARTS is a handsome product that holds up well against other titles in this illustrious micro-DVD outfit's line, even if this releases isn't available enhanced for 16X9 TVs.
The widescreen (1.66:1) presentation is sharp and the film looks as handsome as a professionally done television drama. The sound is given a nice stereo 2.0 mix. For trailer fans, the promotional trailer is here. Persons who have said, "I bet Synapse Films will never release a DVD with full motion menus" will be proven wrong here. Masciantonio, a big Kevin Smith fan, has an earlier work, "Jerks," a rather pointless spoof of CLERKS, available as an extra. In the "everything but the kitchen sink" world of DVD extras the original cast audition tapes are here. Last, but not least, is Masciantonio's full length commentary which is rather self-deprecating, but endearing nonetheless, because regardless of what you think of COLD HEARTS as final product, here is a man who went out and made a film on his own, which is always a listen-worthy achievement. Now lets just hope IFC gets off its high horse and starts showing us some of the works of these true entrepreneurs instead of that John Cassavetes crap.
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