John Constantine (Keanu Reeves) wanders Hell looking for someone in a scene from CONSTANTINE.
© Warner Bros.
Comicscape March 2, 2005
By: Kurt AmackerDate: Wednesday, March 02, 2005
I'll say this first: for next week, send in your responses to this column and your rants about other comic-to-film changes. If you still hate Spider-Man's organic web-shooters or find yourself incensed that Mystique wasn't Rogue's mom, e-mail me here or use comments@cinescape.com. I'll run your responses and my comments next week. Now, here's Zippy the Pirate with your spoiler warning:
Zippy: "ARR! There be spoilers herein! If ye be wishin' to skip Kurt's rant on CONSTANTINE, click here to go to the listings, says I! YAAR!"
Thanks, Zippy. All right, I really wish I could open this week's COMICSCAPE with something genial like "Despite the obvious changes made in its transition from comic book to screen, CONSTANTINE is a rollercoaster ride of thrills, chills, spills, and kills from start to finish!" But, unfortunately, I can't. While it's not a terrible film, it's by no means a great one either. I'll emphasize the positive things about it after I've ripped it to pieces and consigned said pieces to that bowl in a forgotten Chicago hotel room where Shatterstar no doubt still floats, even now.
I'm not going to belabor the decision to set the film in Los Angeles and make John Constantine black-haired, American, and, well...Keanu Reeves. Ultimately, these are superficial changes that are symptomatic of a larger problem with the Hollywood development system that sees fit to cater to demographics in search of a buck, rather than making quality films that will last longer than the opening weekend. In my estimation, that attitude lead to both the minute and major changes in CONSTANTINE, that made it all but unrecognizable from its source material, DC/Vertigo's HELLBLAZER (for all four of you that don't know; if this is you, drop an X-Men title and get HELLBLAZER instead). It begs the question why the studio even bothered, seeing as how a few minor changes could've severed all ties to the comic book and probably avoided some of the red tape that comes with licensing a comic book (I realize Time Warner owns DC, but I still can't help but assume it would probably be cheaper to create an unlicensed work, even if it's from one of their own companies).
Besides the obvious changes in character appearance and setting, let's look at the more significant thematic changes. In the comic book, John Constantine is an ex-punk rocker that practices magic largely for his own ends. He occasionally "uses his powers for good," but the results are often mixed and oftentimes he hurts himself and those around him. But, he smokes and drinks too much, lives off of gambling on horse races (because he can foresee the results), and lives with the guilt of knowing how many people have accidentally died because of his sorcery. Early in the series, he prevented the second coming of Christ by tainting the would-be mother of the new savior with demon blood. Why? Because he doesn't want Heaven or Hell to have control over everyone.
The film version of John Constantine is a freelance exorcist trying to buy his way into Heaven. When he was 14, his constant visions of demons drove him to suicide. After spending two minutes dead and in Hell, he was resuscitated by EMT's. When the film begins, he has lived his life knowing that there is virtually no way he'll be allowed in Heaven, having committed a mortal sin. His answer is to exorcise as many demons as he can in an effort to please God so that he'll be redeemed. You see, there's a balance that you're probably aware of from the film's trailer God and Lucifer are fighting for the souls of all mankind, with angels and demons as their soldiers, respectively. The angels and demons can't directly interfere in the affairs of man, but they walk among us in the form of men, trying to influence our actions. Those that do try to fully cross over (usually demons, presumably, and using the bodies of people as a bridge), get exorcised and sent back to hell by John or whomever.
If nothing else, it's indicative of just how dumbed down this movie is. HELLBLAZER has always dealt with a plethora of different magical, religious, and folkloric traditions, weaving a web so diverse and convoluted that it's pointless to even try to make sense of it all. I realize this is going to make me sound like a total prick, but there are things I've read in that series that I was fortunate enough to "get," but I have no idea what possessed anyone at DC/Vertigo to think that all but a few people ever would. Without looking it up on the Internet, how many of you can really tell me who Sir Francis Dashwood was (from Eddie Campbell's short run) and make sense of why his ghost was talking to Constantine? Or perhaps the historical joke about Samuel Coleridge being interrupted in the middle of composing KUBLA KAHN by John's ancestor, James Constantine? HELLBLAZER doesn't come with footnotes. But, I don't fault anyone for that. In fact, I think it's kind of refreshing to have a work of "popular fiction" that doesn't talk down to its readers. But, in CONSTANTINE, it's a muddled, inconsistent version of Catholicism (just consider it Catholicism: Special Edition, with new rules not seen in the original trinity!). I don't know what the Vatican's position is on the presence of half-breed angels and demons living among us trying to exert influence, but if any of my readers are Catholic and want to chime in, please do. I do know that the church is placing more emphasis on exorcism, including tmpl=story&u=/afp/20050217/lf_afp/italyvaticanreligion_050217195722" target="_blank">offering classes on it for priests.
The problem with reducing the complex mythology of HELLBLAZER (which itself makes room for some Judeo-Christian elements) to the "Hollywood Catholicism" of CONSTANTINE is that it's been done so many times that I think I'm going to write the Vatican and ask them if John Paul can issue a Papal Decree (when he gets out of the hospital) stating that it's a mortal sin to make "Christian horror" films. By that I mean anything like THE EXORCIST, THE OMEN, THE PROPHECY, THE ORDER (shudders), ROSEMARY'S BABY, THE OMEGA CODE, and especially LEFT BEHIND. I like some of those films a lot, but horror movies with Biblical themes are about as tired as slasher films at this point. And actually, what's more annoying than that (because, all joking aside, any movie can be good regardless of its genre) that HELLBLAZER was reduced to ground that's been retread so many times already, when the series offers so much more to it than that. But, the good folks at Time Warner figured that you, the American filmgoer, are too stupid to wrap your mind around anything more complex than that. John Constantine the great magus, the anti-hero, the man who's both saved the world and screwed his friends has been reduced to Keanu kicking ass for the Lord. It's Father Merrin with a holy shotgun (...Batman!). I honestly can't help but think of the holy hand grenade from MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL whenever I see that thing or hear it's name.
And speaking of superior films like THE EXORCIST and THE OMEN (and MONTY PYTHON), that brings up another point: CONSTANTINE isn't scary. There was one part when he's on the bus as a child that startled me, but overall it fails as a horror film.
This seems pretty obvious at this point, but Keanu Reeves was horribly miscast for this. I don't really blame him, though. I'd play John Constantine if I was offered the part, even if I was a quadriplegic that didn't speak English. To his credit, Reeves said he read up on HELLBLAZER after accepting the part to try to get John Constantine's attitude down right except he really didn't. In the comic, Constantine does have some of the world-weary, embittered, negativity that Reeves portrays, but he's also smug, irreverent, and sometimes downright cheerful. Somehow, I can't see Reeves's Constantine sitting in a pub with Chas Chandler singing soccer fight songs and ribbing him about his overbearing wife. But, his comic book counterpart does things like that. Reeves took the negativity and turned the dial up to 11. Only when he summons Lucifer at the end of the film does that snide, funny side make an appearance. And his "Constantinian" delivery fails like his British accent in BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA and his southern accent in THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE. Instead of just speaking naturally, he tries to talk with this forced tough guy voice that just ends up sounding like someone doing a half-ass John Wayne impression "I've beaten things most people have never heard of, and these are going to do me in, pilgrim?" But he really tries.. Reeves kind of reminds me of that friend everyone has that's either in a band or writes or whatever that is so passionate that no one has the heart to tell him he sucks. The guy can't sing, but you go to his shows anyway and just think "A for effort, but God help rock and roll." Or, you go to his appearance at the open mic night at an underground coffee shop and listen to his crappy poetry and tell him "That's really deep, man" when you're really thinking "Jim Morrison's spinning in his grave and Trent Reznor's lawyer is on the phone. Good going, ass." That's how I feel about Keanu Reeves. I've seen him act well before (THE GIFT, THE MATRIX) and I'm sure he's a nice guy, but this part wasn't meant to be his.
Remember when I mentioned Chas Chandler a few sentences ago? In HELLBLAZER, Chas is John's cab-driving friend that always get mixed up in one sort of magical catastrophe or another courtesy of the latter. John doesn't know how to drive, so Chas ends up giving him gratis cab rides everywhere. As many times as poor Chas has decided he's through with John and tries to cut him off (sometimes at his harpy of a wife's behest), he's also gone to John for help with "otherworldly matters" he has no experience in. He doesn't care to be involved in magic, but he's good in a fight (because John often isn't) and a reliable mate. Chaz Kramer, his cinematic counterpart, lacks all of the depth and rough-and-tumble quality and is essentially Kid from the last two MATRIX movies you know, the annoying one that kissed Neo's ass whenever he was around? Chaz desperately wants to learn magic and drives John around in exchange for training that he rarely receives. And, of course, before the film's climax, he reveals to both Constantine and Papa Midnite that he's been reading up and ends up helping John save the day and sacrificing his own life. Just. Like. Kid. Spare me. This is a stock character if there ever was one. "Put me in coach! I can do it!"
Speaking of Papa Midnite: Djimon Hounsou deserves an Oscar for "Best Character in a Mediocre Movie" and his own Papa Midnite spin-off flick. He's just phenomenal in this part, and it's unfortunate he's really only in a few scenes. If you don't remember, he was also Juba in GLADIATOR. His delivery, presentation, and overall feel are just pitch-perfect. He's a pleasure to watch in every scene he's in the entire club scene is pretty damn cool, for that matter. In HELLBLAZER, Midnite and John are far from friends, though they have found themselves on the same side from time to time. Midnite used voodoo and a sister he pimped out in Hell to establish a criminal empire, but he killed himself after a disastrous attempt to lock John in a portion of Hell on Earth in New York when said sister helped the magus escape. In the film, Midnite runs a neutral club where angels and demons congregate together. His sole purpose is to preserve the balance established by God and Lucifer. Probably because of the movie, there's a new PAPA MIDNITE miniseries that just started, and DC/Vertigo has changed his appearance in the comic book from the white top hat Baron Samedi thing to look like his film counterpart. Good on them for doing so.
Now that I've burned CONSTANTINE to a crisp and flushed the ashes, let me get to the things I did like. I understand that director Francis Lawrence (and no doubt the rest of the suits hanging over his shoulder saying "marketing research shows that...") was going for a gritty, film noir feel and setting the film in Los Angeles is positive in that regard. The movie does a nice job of capturing that hopeless, dirty, "so close but so far away" feeling that Southern California is permeated with. I lived near San Diego for a while, and that whole area has a vibe of desperation to it, and CONSTANTINE captures that perfectly. This is especially vivid in the opening exorcism scene when John goes into a run-down apartment complex inhabited by poor, working-class Mexicans, one of whose daughter is possessed by a soldier demon trying to cross over.
As much as I hate that HELLBLAZER's megalomaniacal, often amusing First of the Fallen was reduced to a single Lucifer, I can live with it. The filmmakers probably felt that the origin of the First was too convoluted to get into (because, again, you are stupid and must buy popcorn) and consolidated the three facets into a single devil figure. But what a figure! Lucifer here is a decadent, creepy Southern "gentleman" in a white suit that arrives when John tries to take his life a second time. He and John engage in a bit of "witty banter" similar to the way that Neo and Agent Smith treat each other in the "burly brawl" sequence in THE MATRIX RELOADED -- seething hatred veiled with begrudging respect and courtesy (John: "How's the family?" Lucifer: "Oh, family's fine. Busy, busy, busy!"). Like Djimon Hounsou as Papa Midnite, Peter Stormare as Lucifer steals his one and only scene and makes the movie worth watching almost solely to see him. I miss the First, but his replacement is about as good.
There's also a scene where Constantine beats the living hell out of the half-breed demon Balthazar, played by Gavin Rossdale of corporate grunge rock stooges, Bush (the band, not the president). Keanu finishes the scene by blowing his enemy into tiny bits with the holy shotgun. Best. Beatdown. Ever. I savored that scene like a fine pinot noir or a Cuban cigar.
I despise that I have to say this (because it's often used to justify crapfests like VAN HELSING), but CONSTANTINE is fairly entertaining. No, you didn't misread that. After all my ranting and with all my problems, I still thought it was an okay way to kill an afternoon. There are better movies that you could see, but this isn't a complete waste of celluloid. You may have noticed, most of my problems with the film are founded upon the studio's unmistakable intentions that come to light when one examines the changes from comic to film. I'm not as mad that they made the changes, so much as I'm mad about why they made them. They were unnecessary and made the film a failure as an adaptation of HELLBLAZER. The connections to the comic book are so tenuous and so superficial as to make the two almost completely unrelated. If the studio had axed or altered the lung cancer subplot (which was itself barely dealt with), Chaz, and Papa Midnite, it wouldn't even be marginally related to HELLBLAZER and might've been able to stand on its own merits. It would've been just another Biblically-themed action/horror movie like the ones I mentioned earlier. As such, it's a fairly entertaining, if poorly adapted, time-killer with nothing to offer besides a couple of great, if brief, performances, some decent CGI, and a pleasing, gritty atmosphere (and a delightful rock star beating). This isn't filet mignion, but it's a decent hamburger.
NEW THIS WEEK
Since Kurt's talking about Constantine this week, here's my contribution: I can't be the only guy who thought Clive Owen would be perfect as John Constantine, am I?
DARK HORSE
BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL VOL 4 ON SILENT WINGS TP $14.95
LONE WOLF & CUB VOL 8 CHAINS OF DEATH TP (MR) $9.95
STAR WARS CLONE WARS ADVENTURES VOL 3 TP $6.95
DC COMICS
DC VERSUS MARVEL TP $15.95
Hint: Batman would totally whip Wolverine's ass.
HELLBLAZER FEAR & LOATHING TP $17.95
DEADSHOT #4 (OF 5) $2.99
DETECTIVE COMICS #804 $2.99
FABLES VOL 5 THE MEAN SEASONS TP (MR) $14.99
FALLEN ANGEL #19 (MR) $2.99
Pay attention: This is the beginning of a new, 2-issue arc, so you CAN jump on now. Plus: Sachs and Violens guest-star, and they totally crack me up. Remember that old Gilda Radner skit about sax and violins? No? Yeah, it was before my time too. Anyway, though, funny.
FIRESTORM #11 $2.50
INTIMATES #5 $2.99
Does anyone else, deep down, not like this series as much as you'd like to? You kinda feel like you ought to like it...but you just don't. Weird. Like Hilary Swank.
JLA VOL 16 PAIN OF THE GODS TP $12.99
JOHN CONSTANTINE HELLBLAZER SPECIAL PAPA MIDNITE #2 (OF 5) $2.99
JUSTICE LEAGUE ELITE #9 (OF 12) $2.50
JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED #7 $2.25
LEGEND #1 (OF 4) (MR) $5.95
Dude, Howard Chaykin and Russ Heath. Sweet.
LEX LUTHOR MAN OF STEEL #1 (OF 5) $2.99
LOONEY TUNES #124 $2.25
Bugs Bunny vs. Yosemite Sam! YES!
PROMETHEA BOOK 4 TP $14.99
Whatever, I like Alan Moore too but this is the Waking Life of comic books. If I wanted to understand the universe, I'd stop huffing glue.
RAZORS EDGE WARBLADE #5 (MR) $2.95
SUPERMAN STRENGTH #3 (OF 3) $5.99
SWAMP THING #13 (MR) $2.99
On the list of "Jokes that never get old", the Giant Size Man Thing joke is right between tapeworm and John Ashcroft's singing voice.
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IMAGE
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If your life is so devoid of meaning that you'd spend that much on a TOMB RAIDER book, I pity you.
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VICTORY VOL 2 CVR A FRANCISCO #3 (Of 4) $2.95
VICTORY VOL 2 CVR B FRANCISCO #3 (Of 4) $2.95
WALKING DEAD #16 (MR) $2.95
Hooray for zombies! This is the best comic about eating brains curently on the market.
MARVEL
Marvel's revising their ratings system again, by the way. I think there should be a special rating for gratuitous Wolverine appearances.
ARANA HEART OF THE SPIDER #2 $2.99
I love Marvel for trying to introduce new characters, but here's a tip: Stick with RUNAWAYS. Or even the giddily loopy LIVEWIRES. This book: not so much fun.
CAPTAIN AMERICA & THE FALCON #13 $2.99
DOCTOR SPECTRUM #5 (OF 6) (MR) $2.99
EXILES #60 $2.99
MARVEL ADVENTURES SPIDER-MAN #1 $2.50
MARVEL TEAM-UP #6 $2.25
Really, it's amazing that Robert Kirkman writes this crap and Walking Dead at the same time. It's like completely different dudes.
SHANNA THE SHE DEVIL #2 (OF 7) $3.50
Wednesday night let's all light a candle and have a moment of silence for the nipples we can't see in this book. Here's a joke for you: what kind of idiot hires Frank Cho to draw Shanna and then makes him cover up the nipples? Yeah, I don't think it's funny either.
SPIDER-MAN VOL 5 SPIDEY STRIKES BACK VOL 1 DIGEST TP $5.99
ULTIMATE IRON MAN #1 (OF 6) $2.99
Keep in mind that the point isn't whether you like this book or not. The point is to argue about Orson Scott Card's creepy religious beliefs.
ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #73 $2.25
X-MEN AGE OF APOCALYPSE #1 (OF 6) $2.99
X-MEN AGE OF APOCALYPSE ONE SHOT $3.99
X-MEN FANTASTIC FOUR #4 (OF 5) $3.50
This book is so hilariously over-the-top awful that you should buy an issue. This is like the Jonny Zero of comic books. Actually I take that back, because I kinda love Jonny Zero. This book, on the other hand, makes me want to eat pop rocks and drink coke and then jump in front of a truck. Screamingly horrendous.
