Comicscape March 9, 2005

By: Kurt Amacker
Date: Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Reader response to last week's column was strong and I got a good mix of responses. Some vehemently agreed and others felt that my love of HELLBLAZER colored my opinion of the film CONSTANTINE. I also got some compliments on my headline ("Into My Pants I Command Thee!"). The week prior to the film's release, I kept running up to my friend at our local Goth dive putting my arms up like Keanu did and saying "Into the light I command thee!" When I greeted him, I did it. When the CD player in the DJ booth skipped, I did it (to you, you know, exorcise the demon in the...never mind). Whenever he had any sort of a problem, that was my solution. In any case, I got a lot of mail this week, so I'm only running some of the letters, and I'm going to just run relevant portions of the ones I did get. Last time there were too few messages and now there's too many! Stop toying with me!

I asked for feedback on CONSTANTINE, as well as rants about other comics-to-film changes. The latter may be a bit of a waste and be the moral equivalent of road rage, but, well, it's fun. Sometimes fanboys need to just let it out. That said, here's the mail.

Noeland Collins writes, "I'm not sure how you could walk into the theater expecting anything other than a film LOOSELY based on the comic book after the trailers, and after the casting of Keanu Reeves. If you were watching the film under the microscope of 'How does this stack up to the comic book?' Then you set yourself up for disappointment. The studio never made any apologies or secrets about the changes they made. Your review just makes me wonder what you were thinking, and why you even bothered. How can you complain when you knew what it was going in?"

Noeland, I failed to mention that I actually saw the movie twice, because I knew the first time would be as you described (as they say, your first time always sucks). The second time, I was still bothered by the well-tread Hollywood Catholicism and by Keanu Reeves's performance. And, you are correct the studio never made any apologies about the changes. An apology isn't saying you're sorry it's an explanation. There is a distinction. There is no valid apology to be made here other than that American audiences often don't like movies set overseas and are too dumb to wrap their minds around something like HELLBLAZER. Every article I've read about the film that mentioned the changes included the studio's, director's, or Reeves's explanation: that John Constantine is such an international character that his nationality doesn't matter, that the film is still true to his essence, etc. everything but the truth. This is Hollywood public relations doublespeak. People like the sound of authenticity, but they don't really want it if it means fewer explosions.

Noeland continues, "You are obviously a fan of the comic book, and you are sounding like a sore loser with a review like that. Honestly, it kind of messes up the credibility of your opinion. You didn't even mention that he quits smoking at the end. I figured I'd be reading a 'And what little resemblance he had to the comic book character is destroyed in the last 10 seconds of the film.' For one thing, if they tried to portray Constantine as happy in the film, it would have required a huge shift in mood in pacing of the piece. Also, he would have come off as slightly bi-polar or something. The film was designed and structured as a character arc for Constantine, and Rachel Weiss' character. The story was how they changed each other, and changed through the events of the film. If you disconnect yourself from the comic book, and just watch the story on it's own merit, take it for what it is (you took it for what it is not) they did a pretty good job making an action film set in a magic/religious/superstitious kind of setting."

That's where I disagree, Noeland. It wasn't a good action film, it wasn't a good horror film, and it wasn't a particularly engaging character piece. It was a knockoff of THE OMEN and THE EXORCIST with some action lifted right out of a Playstation 2 game (watch the scene in the end where he's walking through the sprinkler with the holy shotgun blasting his enemies to tiny bits). And yes, you're correct: the part where he quits smoking is disgustingly "safe," but entirely expected. In HELLBLAZER, John just lights up again as soon as the First of the Fallen rids him of his cancer. No studio could get away with that now, but thankfully, comic books can. I should've mentioned it last week. But, the bottom line is that even if you separate CONSTANTINE and HELLBLAZER, it still wasn't that great of a movie.

Michael Schinke writes, "In the case of CONSTANTINE you have a character who is little known outside the books circle of fans which, face facts, is not exactly legion in scope. All the esoteric elements that you and other fans of the book may love would be completely lost on the general movie going public. Call it dumbing down or pandering, whatever term you choose, we have to face the fact that most people not only don't get "it", they don't care! People like us who love genre fiction, fantasy, and sci-fi have a tough time seeing the world like normal people, however that does not change the fact that most people don't care about our sh-t. That being accepted, if you're a studio who's about to invest $60 to $100 million in a movie would you not want to try to reach the largest possible audience?"

Michael, from a moneymaking standpoint, it all makes perfect sense. Therein lies the problem: Hollywood doesn't want to take risks with movies that might not break records on the opening weekend. With the advent of CGI, movies have become so expensive that studios have to pander to the lowest common denominator to make their money back. That means, CONSTANTINE and tripe like VAN HELSING have to appeal to not just you, but your younger sister and her friends that have no idea who either John Constantine or Abraham Van Helsing is. We as comic book fans and moviegoers shouldn't support this practice, but who but the most diehard fans is going to skip a comic book adaptation? I know I'm unlikely to, which admittedly makes me part of the problem. But, American moviegoers are effectively a captive audience. If Hollywood took chances and made quality cinema like it did in the late 1970s, people would still go to the theatre. I admit that's speculative, but the unwashed masses will often eat whatever you feed them when there's no alternative.

Joey Kolber writes, "I can appreciate your appeal for the comic and can understand your distaste for the film, however I have to disagree with you. I did not read HELLBLAZER, and I am sure that I might feel the same way had I. But I didn't see that you looked at this as a movie but rather as comparison. I for one am not interested in shelling out seven bucks for a remake of something I already know. It was the same with RESIDENT EVIL. I welcomed the changes cause they were fresh, not recycled."

Joey, I'm agreeable to changes between mediums when I feel that the director is attempting to do something original using the book or comic as his basis. THE SHINING always comes to mind. Stanley Kubrick made a fun Stephen King novel into a classic horror movie. I doubt that he made the changes because there was some suit over his shoulder going "Can we add a sexy, bisexual housekeeper? That kind of thing's really in right now. And can the kid lighten up a little bit? How about a cute dog that saves the day?" Rather, Kubrick's changes serve as a valid, original (and some would say superior) take on the novel. If you think that CONSTANTINE achieved that, good for you. I am not mad that there were changes, but I am offended by the studio's intention to churn out one more piece of made-by-committee pop art designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator. In my estimation, the changes in CONSTANTINE were a direct result of this development system and not because anyone decided they could create a bold, original take on HELLBLAZER (because it was neither). If that were the case, the film likely would've been better and I probably wouldn't care. There is a good movie to be made about a freelance exorcist working in Los Angeles, but this wasn't it. The Hollywood system may be profitable, but it's artistically dishonest and it usually makes bad movies. And hell, CONSTANTINE cost an estimated $100 million to make, and it's only grossed $54,526,197 (credit to Box Office Mojo). There goes the profit.

Joey continues, "But onto CONSTANTINE itself, primarily what I would like to say is that Keanu Reeves surprised the hell out of me. I thought he actually did a good job as Constantine, playing a near complete a-hole. This was not a guy who wanted to get into heaven because of his love for god or all things holy. In fact, I think he felt just the opposite, what with comments like 'God is just a kid with an ant farm.' No, his cheating his way into heaven was more out of an attempt to avoid hell. It's like asking a cop who put several hundred murderers away if he'd like to go to their prison or spend life in a mansion. But, I never once felt that Constantine was a nice character who changed his heart. Right up to the end I felt he hated the game he was being put in. Certainly, like most anyone would, he realized that certain things needed to change, so I was not surprised to see him chewing gum. So, I do disagree about Keanu. For being Keanu, he nailed the part. Could someone else of better caliber have done better? Of course. But he was a fine choice, much to my surprise."

I disagree, Joey. I thought Keanu Reeves really tried to nail the part, but that it didn't work out. Admittedly, this sort of thing is subject to debate and interpretation, but I thought his impression of John Constantine was forced. Just because he's acting "dramatically" doesn't mean he's acting well.

Joey: "Sure, Constantine was a pretty low-key movie, but it was still fun. The world of CONSTANTINE (or HELLBLAZER rather) was an interesting one. For those that don't know the comic, this movie was at least a good introduction and in fact got me interested in HELLBLAZER. I wouldn't say this was dumb down as it was put as well. This is a pretty heavy assault on traditional religious themes. I felt anymore would have been rather unnecessary, and from the sounds of things, HELLBLAZER may have been too dark to pull in an audience. After all, one has to take into consideration the mutations that will occur when you take some form of literature (whether graphic or written) and turn it into a film. For this film, I felt the job was one well done."

Joey, CONSTANTINE wasn't as reverent as say, THE PASSION, but "God is a kid with an ant farm" is hardly going to shake the Vatican to its foundations. Patently irreligious or antireligious material will likely never find its way into a major Hollywood film in this cultural climate. Ultimately, CONSTANTINE was unabashedly pro-Catholic. God pretty much saves Keanu's ass at the end, and we're left with the oh-so-insightful "the Lord works in mysterious ways." Oooooh, deep! I'm not saying there's a problem with a pro-Catholic film, but HELLBLAZER is anything but. It includes some Judeo-Christian elements in its mythology, but John has opposed both God and the First of the Fallen in the name of keeping humanity free and unencumbered. The change goes back to the studio's constant pandering to make a quick buck on the opening weekend.

Agreeing with the crux of my entire argument, Matthew McCroskey writes, "I've noticed in teenagers that interest in film as a thought-provoking medium has waned. I'm a high school teacher with students ranging from sophomores to seniors. My students not only want the main ideas of their movies spoon-fed to them but also want them pre-moistened, pre-chewed, and already digested in the bile of explosions and fart jokes. Forget plot, dialogue, and all those other pesky nuances..."

Matthew, you've nailed part of the problem: teenagers. Hollywood realized a while back that teenagers blow lots of money on entertainment because most of their needs are taken care of by their parents they rarely have to make car payments, buy groceries, or that sort of thing. Now, every movie has to be rated no higher than PG-13 and must appeal to children. And now we have a generation raised on television, video games, and the Internet with virtually no attention span and a near-complete inability to process, analyze, or criticize intelligently. That may seem irrelevant now, but they're going to grow up soon and become vapid adults. Once again, children ruin everything for the rest of us.

Matthew went on to say, "As a teacher of mythology (among other subjects), I enjoyed picking out the elements of "Hell lore" that were presented in CONSTANTINE. As a reader of the comic, I inwardly cringed at some of the creative changes. However, of my students who watched CONSTANTINE, all complained that the movie was too confusing and required 'too much thinking.' All the mysticism and mythology got in the way of what could have been a 'bad ass' film. They all loved the 'holy shotgun' and couldn't wait for the video game version so they too could blow away the zombies (I know that they were demons who walked the earth, but thanks to other recent video game films, anyone who appears remotely evil and dead is instantly relegated to 'zombie-status')."

Good God. If you're students are complaining that CONSTANTINE required too much thinking, there really is no hope for America. As I said earlier, the climax when John blew his enemies to tiny bits was shot like a video game. I'm sure it was intentional.

And for the last letter about CONSTANTINE, Jean Quills writes, "Stop whining. It's not as if HELLBLAZER is some wildly popular comic read by every comic geek alive. You have to admit it is a fairly obscure graphic novel series with only a small cult following. I understand it was barely based on the book but no one really cares (except for you die-hards). I do agree it was pretty mediocre."

Jean, this is an editorial column. It's a platform for me to express my opinion. I'm allowed to write about anything that's comic-book-related. CONSTANTINE qualifies, so it's fair game. But, if you or anyone else has a particular subject you'd like me to write about, please don't hesitate to e-mail me here or use comments@cinescape.com. I am completely serious. I'd love to hear everyone's ideas.

Moving on to comic book adaptations in general, Dennis B. writes, "My biggest comic to movie disappointment is BATMAN. Burton's BATMAN to put it bluntly. A skinny, little, scatter-brained guy in a big rubber suit. Lots of gadgets, no detective work (and the Smilex gas B.S. was NOT detective work, Mr. Wizard), and even less character development made this a movie to forget. Don't even get me started on the sequels. At least BATMAN BEGINS looks like it'll erase Burton's horrible vision from our collective consciousness. Hopefully."

Dennis, I really dug Burton's BATMAN, but I thought it worked better as a film in its own right better than it did as an adaptation of the comic book. Some people here made the same argument for CONSTANTINE, but I disagree. Burton's two Batman films were delightfully dark, and I thought both worked as character studies and tributes to German silent expressionist cinema (why do I feel like I'm setting myself up by saying that?). I can see where they failed as comic adaptations, but I thought they stood pretty well on their own.

Kamue Shinto writes, "The truth is when all is said and done, I no longer believe a comic book series translation to the big screen can be done unless certain factors are met. Five specifically that is, one is that the creator of the comic book series has total control over the project, two is that the movie is rated "R", three is that the entire movie is entirely animated; four stay as true to the comic as possible and five the movie is make the movie at least four to six hours long, after all it takes time to tell a good story. Why, you do you ask? Simply because the live action SPAWN movie was garbage, but Todd Mcfarlane's HBO SPAWN animated series was phenomenal, as good if not better than the comics, and for all intents and purposes it had a near perfect authentic quality to it. Even if such animated movies turn out to be horrible, they will still be vastly superior to any live action endeavor."

Kamue, I'm glad someone actually has concrete ideas about how to fix this conundrum. It would really be up the comic book companies and Hollywood and live action are where the money is. As far as involving the comic's creators, that becomes complicated when you're talking about someone like John Constantine or Spider-Man, both of which have been written by a plethora of different people. It's easier for something like HELLBOY or SIN CITY when there's only one creator involved, but with older properties that's rarely the case. The only other thing is the required R-rating that also depends on the property. I can see it for THE PUNISHER or BLADE, but what about THE FANTASTIC FOUR? Wait, Jessica Alba's in that, isn't she? All right, I completely agree with you. Bring on the R-rating and the shower scene!

Kamue continues, "The Japanese have been doing this great transitioning from comics to animation for decades and it is way past time the Americans start doing this too. We should at the very least be making good animated movies based on comics...The truth is by the current situation in the U.S., Americans decades from this catching on, and when we do, both American comics, animation and even movies may be financially dead by then. Dreamwave Productions big dive, the current economy, and Hollywood's mandate of making a movie based on demographics, along with declining sales due to greater interest on both anime and video games are leading trends of this dark future coming unless we make big changes now. Hollywood has to wake up, director's need to start taking strikes until they can get movies done their way, and comic book fans everywhere should stop watching live action movies based on comic books and begin protesting until we get comic book movies done our way."

Kamue, you probably realize that adult comics and animation are much more accepted in Japan than in the United States. I think that's a really positive thing, but it means that the cultural and economic conditions are there to support them. As some readers correctly pointed out about CONSTANTINE, most studios aren't going to take a chance on something more obscure that won't appeal to as many people. Adult animation is still a niche thing in the U.S. and there there's just more money in live action. It's just unrealistic to expect everyone to stop going to live-action comic films. I see almost every comic film that comes out. Admittedly, I'm disappointed with crap like ELEKTRA, but given that both Hollywood and the comic companies aren't going to suddenly start cranking out animated films, I'd rather see live-action movies than none at all. That, and comic book readers are tiny percentage of moviegoers. If we staged some sort of boycott, it wouldn't have much of an impact. It's the great silent majority that makes movies profitable, and that majority likes good old fashioned crap. Why do you think THE PACIFIER is number one at the box office this weekend?

NEW THIS WEEK
By Al Brown and Kurt Amacker

DARK HORSE

BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL #99 (MR)$2.99

CONCRETE HUMAN DILEMMA #3 (OF 6) (MR)$3.50
The last issue of this series was sorta like "What if The Thing was in a softcore porn movie?", so we can only hope that this issue will kick it up a notch to hardcore. Or, I guess, we could hope not.

DC COMICS

100 BULLETS VOL 3 HANG UP ON THE HANG LOW TP$9.95

AQUAMAN #28$2.50

BATMAN LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT #189$2.50

BLOOD OF THE DEMON #1$2.50

BLOODHOUND #9 $2.99
Yet another decent series nears cancellation. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop smoking banana peels.

BREACH #3$2.50

DEVLIN WAUGH RED TIDE TP (MR) $19.95

DOOM PATROL VOL 1 CRAWLING FROM THE WRECKAGE TP$19.95

DOOM PATROL VOL 2 PAINTING THAT ATE PARIS TP (MR)$19.95
Only Grant Morrison could write a story line called "The Painting That Ate Paris". These trades collect the first two parts of Morrison's update on Doom Patrol from the late 80s/early 90s, and they're....well, Doom Patrol's clubhouse is a transvestite street named Danny. You can't make this stuff up. Only Morrison can.

FABLES #35 (MR)$2.50
Part 2 of "Bill Willingham does Get Shorty."

GOTHAM CENTRAL #29$2.50
I guess somebody in Gotham's gotta get the cats out of trees and open up jars for old ladies.

GREEN ARROW #48$2.50
Green Arrow vs....the Duke of Oil! No, I'm not kidding. Duke...duke...duke...duke of oil...

JSA #71$2.50

MAJESTIC #3 (MR)$2.99

NIGHTWING #105$2.25

SANDMAN VOL 3 DREAM COUNTRY TP$14.95

SCOOBY DOO #94$2.25
Haunted skateboards! I still have a scar from a run-in with one of those when I was 12.

SEVEN SOLDIERS SHINING KNIGHT #1 (OF 4)$2.99
Described as "Lord of the Rings meets the O.C." Does that mean more or less gay?

SLEEPER VOL 3 A CROOKED LINE TP (MR)$17.99

SUPERMAN BATMAN VOL 1 PUBLIC ENEMIES TP$12.99
If you don't know about this book, you're living in a cave reading ARCHIE.

TERRA OBSCURA VOL 2 #6 (OF 6)$2.95

TRANSMETROPOLITAN VOL 4 THE NEW SCUM TP$12.95
You read TRANSMETROPOLITAN, brain get bigger.

VIMANARAMA #2 (OF 3) (MR)$2.99
Morrison said this would be comic books-meet-Bollywood, but so far there haven't been a single song-and-dance number and I'm kinda pissed off about it. Has he even watched any Bollywood? Does he know that "Bend it like Beckham" doesn't count? It's not that Vimanarama is bad - far from it - it's just that damn it, I want singing and dancing!

IMAGE

AMAZING JOY BUZZARDS #3$2.95

DAWN THREE TIERS #5 (OF 6) (RES)$2.95

HUNTER KILLER CAMPBELL CVR #1$2.99

HUNTER KILLER HAIRSINE CVR #1$2.99

HUNTER KILLER SILVESTRI CVR #1$2.99
Al: And here we go: three alternate covers to Hunter Killer #1. Welcome back to the 90s, b*tches!
Kurt: I'm looking forward to buying all three, because I am sure they will all increase substantially in value.

TOMB RAIDER SGN #50 $19.99
Wasn't this on sale last week? Ah. It was supposed to be on sale last week but it got pushed off. So...see last week's stupid one-liner, which was actually a gimme from Kurt. I didn't even write it. Kurt throws me bones every once in a while when he can tell my stupid one-liners are getting so rambly and pathetic that I might actually stone myself to death. Like, y'know, now.

MARVEL

DISTRICT X #11$2.99
The damn X-Men are going to have a title purge in a year or two. I can just see it.

ESSENTIAL X-MEN VOL 1 TP$14.95
The Essentials series is one of the best ideas Marvel's ever had. For the love of God, keep buying them.

GAMBIT #8$2.99
Al: Two words for you: Brother Voodoo. Best character ever! It's either this issue or the next that he shows up...I personally am buying this on the off chance that it might be this one. God, I want to marry Brother Voodoo and have a million babies.
Kurt: I hate Gambit so much it makes my face hurt.

GAMBIT HOUSE OF CARDS TP$14.99
See above.

INHUMANS VOL 1 CULTURE SHOCK DIGEST TP$7.99

MARVEL MUST HAVES NEW AVENGERS #1-3$3.99
Must I really?

MARY JANE HOMECOMING #1 (OF 4)$2.99

NEW AVENGERS #4$2.25
And Wolverine finally joins the fray. Hurra....zzz. When do we find out who Mystery Nunchuck Guy is? What's your guess? I hope it's Brother Voodoo.

NEW AVENGERS #4 CHEUNG VARIANT$2.25
In case you find the other one somehow deficient.

NEW THUNDERBOLTS #6$2.99

SPIDER GIRL #84$2.99

SPIDER-MAN TEAM UP SPECIAL$2.99

STOKERS DRACULA #4 (OF 4)$3.99
This miniseries kicks so much ass you'll need to buy new pants.

TALES OF THE THING #1 (OF 3)$2.50

THE PUNISHER #18 (MR)$2.99
Concluding the kickass Mother Russia arc! Man, Punisher is awesome when he cusses.

ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #16$2.25
I didn't dig the whole half-goat Dr. Doom thing, but this N-Zone arc has been totally kickass. Really fun stuff.

WOLVERINE SOULTAKER #1 (OF 5)$2.99
Al: The solicitation for this goes: "Do you like Ninjas? Do you like zombies? Do you like Wolverine?" ...well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
Kurt: I like Wolverine and the claws, how they go "SNIKT!"

X-MEN AGE OF APOCALYPSE #2 (OF 6)$2.99

X-MEN THE END HEROES AND MARTYRS #1 (OF 6)$2.99
I've been buying X-Men every month without fail since the sixth grade, and I still have no idea what's going on here. Who the hell is the target audience for this thing? Bill Jemas? On the other hand, I was confused by Harold and Kumar go to White Castle too.