Comicscape - May 31, 2006

By: KURT AMACKER
Date: Wednesday, May 31, 2006

My Thoughts on X-Men: The Last Stand

After a year of fan anticipation rife with both trepidation and outright, venom, X-MEN: THE LAST STAND opened in theaters last Friday to the second-highest single day box office gross ever, following REVENGE OF THE SITH, and the highest gross for a Memorial Day weekend to date. Whatever damage everyone feared Brett Ratner would inflict on the franchise hasn't prevented the movie from doing well, at least financially. This sucker has already made Fox a lot of money. Critically, THE LAST STAND has garnered mixed reviews, and that reaction aptly describes my feelings about the film.

Here's the usual spoiler warning, so don't get your panties in a knot if you haven't seen the film. And, may I remind everyone, I've only read some of the X-books intermittently over the years, including both GIFTED and THE DARK PHOENIX SAGA -- the two main storylines adapted in the film. But, I'm no expert. Hence, if I get a detail or a name wrong, e-mail me and I'll correct it. But, take a deep breath first and remember that I'm only human. I'll also run your reactions to the film in next week's column, so feel free to send your letters to me at comicscape@cinescape.com or at kurtamacker@yahoo.com.

X-MEN: THE LAST STAND suffers from Lackluster Third Chapter Syndrome (yes, I made that up). This debilitating condition renders the third film in a trilogy impotent in comparison to the preceding two chapters. The third film in question may run the gambit from mediocre to good in its own right, but it always fails to meet expectations. Moviegoers and fanboys witnessed this same affliction with BLADE: TRINITY, ALIEN 3, THE GODFATHER PART III, TERMINATOR 3, RETURN OF THE JEDI (yeah, I said it), and a host of other not-bad-but-not-great trilogy closers. All of the aforementioned are watchable movies, but they don't hold a candle to the first two.

Similarly, I didn't walk out of X-MEN: THE LAST STAND shaking my fist at the sky screaming, "Raaaaaatner!" But, I can't wholeheartedly endorse the film, either. Frankly, the entire film seems rushed. Ratner didn't take the helm until nine weeks prior to shooting. Prior to that, the very capable Matthew Vaughn left for personal reasons (or not, depending on your source). And before that, Bryan Singer, director of the first two films, left to helm SUPERMAN RETURNS. By all accounts, Fox wanted their bit of superhero cinema onscreen before Warner Brothers did. To be frank, Ratner is a hack. I have nothing against him personally and I don't wish death, illness, or grave misfortune on him, but he's a very pedestrian director and lacks a distinctive visual style. Zak Penn and Simon Kinberg's script doesn't really help matters, either.

The film loosely adapts and combines Joss Whedon's recent GIFTED story arc in ASTONISHING X-MEN with Chris Claremont's classic DARK PHOENIX SAGA in UNCANNY X-MEN. However, the script lifts the two most defining features of those stories -- the mutant cure and Jean Grey as Dark Phoenix, respectively -- and, save for a couple of scenes, ignores the rest. I hope you weren't looking for Ord, Emma Frost, the Hellfire Club, or the Shi'ar. And, rather than a cosmic force inhabiting Jean, the Phoenix is the other half of her dual personality -- the suppressed id contained by Charles Xavier's psychic manipulation when she was a child. Then again, Claremont originally wrote the Phoenix as the full manifestation of Jean's powers gone wild, so that's not such an egregious change. Marvel retconned the whole Phoenix Force thing, anyway.

The script's intermittent faithfulness to its source material doesn't hurt or help the film nearly as much as the overloaded cast. Imagine a gaggle of mutants trying to squeeze through a door, but there are so many pushing that none of them get in. In an effort to give face time to the unmanageably large cast of characters, virtually everyone gets the short shrift. I can't help but wonder if the screenwriters killed Cyclops and Xavier and robbed Mystique of her mutation early in the film just to trim the cast and avoid further subplots. During its 104 minutes, the film gives brief, unsatisfying glimpses at numerous potentially interesting subplots and characters. Though Jean Grey and her resurrection were arguably the crux of the film, she spends surprisingly little time on camera. When we see her, she mostly looms next to Magneto, not doing anything. Rogue's decision to take the mutant cure gets precious little time. It seems unfair that one of the franchise's main characters deciding to lose her mutation has so little gravity. Rather than conveying any real personal struggle, she just gets the cure with the same indifference as one would a flu shot. Her love triangle with Bobby Drake and Kitty Pryde is never resolved, either. Nightcrawler is gone with no explanation (yes, I know he's in the video game -- I don't care). The film pays lip service to Logan's tortured love for Jean, but rarely portrays any real angst until he kills her at the end. And, when Magneto assembles an army of rebel mutants to destroy the cure, the script conveniently serves him his supporting players through a mutant rally and Mystique's release from a mobile prison convoy, wherein he quickly makes some new friends. It's almost like Magneto has a couple of opportunities to stop at the supermarket to pick out some henchmen to avoid the subplots that would bring the Brotherhood together naturally. "Let's see -- eggs, milk, Callisto, Psylocke, Juggernaut, Arclight, and--ooh, Ho-Hos. I love those things."

Each of the above examples and the numerous others almost portend a better film. Rather than give the character elements time to develop, the film touches on each of them so briefly that they failed to resonate with me. I damn near cried when Jean rose from Alkali Lake with John Powell's rousing score accompanying her return. Then, she kisses Cyclops in a scene lifted from Claremont's story and -- whoops -- he's dead. Okay, now Jean's evil and we don''t have to deal with the Backstreet Boy anymore. We got those out of the way. The rest of the film suffers through the same cursory glimpses at a greater film lurking just outside of what we saw.

When Ratner first assumed directorial duties of THE LAST STAND, he promised more humor than the first two films. I cried bloody murder, because "more humor"" or "more gags" usually means the kiss of death for a sequel. It happened to STAR WARS, SUPERMAN, BLADE, BATMAN and Christ knows how many other films. To his and the screenwriters' credit, most of the humor occurs naturally. Logan lighting a cigar on some flaming wreckage in the Danger Room, Beast reading upside down, and a few other character-appropriate moments seem believable enough. Unfortunately, Ratner had to slip in a few moments of sheer idiocy. Witness a completely unnecessary shot of a bunch of comically befuddled Asian tourists taking a group photo while Magneto uproots the Golden Gate Bridge. Roll your eyes as a totally irrelevant Juggernaut repeats a joke lifted from a web cartoon -- one itself lifted from a Dave Chapelle joke nobody finds funny anymore. "I'm Kurt Amacker, bitch!" See? It's not funny. Like BATMAN BEGINS, I just want to run through THE LAST STAND with a pair of magic editing scissors and remove nearly all of the idiotic humorous asides. But, the humor didn't ruin the movie as I'd expected. This wasn't FANTASTIC FOUR by any stretch of the imagination.

And yet, I didn't hate the film. Some moments really come alive. Kelsey Grammar portrays Beast perfectly. Matthew Vaughan cast Grammar before leaving the film. He succeeded by finding an actor that embodies the character, heart and soul (sans the blue fur and acrobatics). When Jean actually does anything other than stand next to Magneto, she captivates. During her most important scenes, John Powell's heartrending score manages to elevate Ratner's pedestrian direction and the often bland script. I hate to sound all mushy over a piece of music, but the score outright saves portions of the film that would otherwise fall flatter than Al Brown's last girlfriend. I enjoyed the final brawl at Alcatraz, however unlikely and unnecessary it may've been. It seemed like overkill for Magneto to send a bunch of mutants into battle when Jean could've just destroyed the lab to kill Leech and destroy the cure. I found the final shot of Magneto playing chess alone in the park extremely moving, if only because it reminded me of the aged Michael Corleone at the end of THE GODFATHER PART III. But, it seems likely that with all of the people Magneto's killed, he'd be apprehended and rotting in jail. And speaking of insane feats of illogic, why the hell did Rogue come back to the school after she lost her powers?

The film alludes to greater ideas than it ever develops. The scenes outside of the clinic, along with the divide in the mutant community over the cure, reminded me of some of the issues facing the gay community. Obviously, some people think homosexuality can be cured through therapy. I don't, and neither do any mainstream psychological or psychiatric organizations. However, certain shining moments in the film ask whether or not people should change themselves to avoid persecution. We see fleeting glimpses of Beast's internal conflict over the idea -- namely when he sees his hand change in Leech's presence. But, like every other compelling idea in the film, it's never developed past a cursory mention. And, unfortunately, the parallel between mutants and the gay community is dampened when one remembers that homosexuality doesn't mean throwing fireballs or controlling minds -- powers infinitely more dangerous than same-sex attraction. Regardless, the film never explores that debate past using it to set up another fight scene.

This review sounds pretty bitter, but I didn't hate X-MEN: THE LAST STAND. I've seen it twice already, and I had a pretty good time with it. But, compared to X-MEN and X-2: X-MEN UNITED, this third chapter feels like an afterthought. But, given its early success at the box office, maybe Fox will give us a fourth installment with a little more heart and panache. But, let me know what you think and I'll run your letters next week.


New This Week

By Al Brown and Kurt Amacker


DARK HORSE

Apocalypse Nerd #3 $2.99

Kurt: Witness Apocalypse's early years as an awkward teenage mutant! See him fall off the rope in gym class! Watch as women reject him! Marvel as he escapes the locker room with a jockstrap on his face!

Classic Comic Characters Magnus Robot Fighter $49.95

Kurt: Man, I hope this isn't a comic book.

Classic Kelloggs Character Statue #1 Tony the Tiger $49.99

Kurt: Dear God, Alan Moore was right.

Goon 25 Cent Comic $0.25

Ju On Vol 2 TP $9.95

Kurt: Oh man, I hate that noise she makes. Click-click...click-click.

Predator: Forever Midnight Novel $6.99

Kurt: Bruce Dickinson says it's two minutes to midnight, and the Predator says it's forever midnight. Who am I supposed to believe?

Samurai Executioner Vol 10 TP (MR) $9.95

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic #5 $2.99

Kurt: In an era long before Jar-Jar Binks and Jake Lloyd stunk up the screen.


DC COMICS

52 Week #4 $2.50


Al: This week: Should Shiva get a subscription to US Weekly? It's so tacky...but she keeps impulsively buying it in the checkout line.


Kurt: This is why sometimes, just sometimes, I find myself looking at Reader's Digest. Wrong? Oh, yes.

ABC A To Z Top 10 And Teams $3.99

Batman Legends Of The Dark Knight #206 $2.99

Crisis Aftermath The Spectre #1 (of 3) $2.99

Kurt: Look for the new crop of post-post-Crisis miniseries -- Crisis Just-Kidding-It's-Not-Over! Start putting money aside now!

Ion #2 (of 12) $2.99

JLA Vol 19 World Without A Justice League TP $12.99

Kurt: Man, that'd be like a nudie bar without Al's mom working the pole. It's just not the same!

Lucifer #74 (MR) $2.99

Pieces Of A Spiral Vol 4 $9.99

Promethea Book Three TP $14.95

Seven Soldiers Of Victory Vol 3 TP $14.99

Showcase Presents Haunted Tank Vol 1 TP $16.99

Al: So that's why I always hear "WOOOOOOO" when I flush.

Kurt: That, or you left your Girls Gone Wild video on in the background. Have you ever listened to that noise they make? It's totally "WOOOOO!" God, I hate that sound.

Superman Batman #26 (note Price) $3.99
Kurt: Noted: higher. I'm still not buying it, no matter how expensive DC makes it.

Superman Batman Vol 1 Public Enemies TP $12.99
Kurt: Supes and the Bat fight Chuck D and Flava Flav. My money's on the PE.

Superman Birthright TP $19.99

Superman The Greatest Stories Ever Told TP $19.99

Teen Titans Go #31 $2.25

Warlord #4 $2.99


Al: Oh hey, George Bush has his own comic.

Kurt: Watching Mtv again?

Wraithborn #6 (of 6) $3.99

Al: Who will wield the power of the Wraithborn? And what will happen to her clothes?

Kurt: Al's mom will steal them after I pay her a dollar to get naked!

Age of Bronze #23 $3.50

Cyberforce CGC Graded 9.8 #1 $69.99
Kurt: Man, I love wasting money. I mean, why invest it and reap dividends month after month when I can just buy this and maybe get half of it back on E-Bay in six months when nobody cares! Whee!

Dead world #4 (MR) $3.50

Doll & Creature #3 (of 4) $2.99

Emissary #1 $3.50

Fell 2nd Prtg #4 $1.99

Five Fists of Science GN $12.99

Kurt: Discovery Institute, meet the Five Fists of Science! Hee-yah!

Godland #11 $2.99

Liberty Meadows #37 $2.95

Night Tripper GN $16.99

Rising Stars: Untouchable #4 (of 5) $2.99

Savage Dragon #126 $2.99

Sea of Red #10 (MR) $2.99
Kurt: This surprisingly good series wraps with issue #13, which means there's still time to work in lesbians and monkeys, which combined with vampires and pirates, would make it the greatest comic ever.

Stagger Lee GN $17.99
Kurt: The story of Stan's retarded brother that lived in the attic.


MARVEL

All New Off Handbook Marvel Universe A To Z #5 $3.99

Al: I'm over this, and here's why: It gets its own joke. We like reading about the weird, forgotten D-Listers of the Marvel Universe, but when you start doing two pages on "Elf with a Gun," you're in danger of spraining an eyelid from winking so hard.


Kurt: Mean, it's no fun when Marvel understands its own ridiculousness.

Amazing Spider-Man #532 $2.99

Spider-Man: Blah blah blah I realize now, with Tony and I on opposite sides of this 'Civil War,' that I can never again let somebody make a costume for me!"

Al: Hey guys, we saw this coming ten miles off. And we were like, "That's dumb."

Us: That's dumb.

Al: See?

Al's mom: Does anybody wanna party?

Books Of Doom #6 (of 6) $2.99

Daughters Of The Dragon #5 (of 6) $2.99

Essential Off Handbook Marvel Universe Deluxe ED Vol 2 TP $16.99

Kurt: I saw "Essential Off" and had a really lame joke about bug spray, but I'll spare you.

Fantastic Four 2nd Ptg Var #537 $2.99

Halo Sampler Book (PP #714) $0.99

Kurt: It's the sampler: you get chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, cheese fries, and a heart attack!

Incredible Hulk #95 $2.99

Iron Man The Inevitable #6 (of 6) $2.99

Marvel Spotlight Mark Millar Steve McNiven $2.99

Punisher The Tyger (RES) (MR) $4.99

Al: When you spell it with a "Y," it makes it all poem-y.

Kurt: I'm going to go cry some tears of joy. Excuse me.

Runaways #16 $2.99

Sentinel Vol 3 Past Imperfect Digest TP $7.99

Al: Yeah, naming story arcs after grammatical tenses totally screams "Fun" to me.

The Subjunctive: FUN!

Al's mom: I'm gonna go shoot up in the pluperfect tense.

Son Of M #6 (of 6) $2.99

Storm #4 (of 6) $2.99

Thing #7 $2.99

Al: Now I just get depressed when I see this. It's like visiting your really sick, 86-year-old grandfather in the hospital.
Kurt: Minus the impending in heritance?

Ultimate Extinction #5 (of 5) $2.99

Al: As opposed to boring old normal extinction.

Kurt: Yeah, normal extinction is so 65 million years ago.

Ultimate Fantastic Four #30 $2.99

Ultimate Fantastic Four Land Sketch Variant #30 (pp#710) PI

Ultimate Fantastic Four Suydam Zombie Variant #30 (PP #710) $2.99

Al: Huh?

Al's mom: I found some glue I'm going to sniff.

Ultimate Marvel Flip Magazine #13 $4.99

Ultimate Spider-Man #95 $2.99

Ultimate Tales Flip Magazine #13 $4.99

Ultimates 2 #12 Poster $6.99

Wolverine Enemy Of The State Vol 2 TP $16.99

Kurt: Now, without annoying misprints! Should've bought the issues, suckers! I'm off like a prom dress.


Questions? Comments? Let us know what you think at comicscape@cinescape.com.