THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO MYSTERIOUS BEINGS

By: Chris Wyatt
Review Date: Wednesday, November 20, 2002

Alien hunter John A Keel's new book, THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO MYSTERIOUS BEINGS, is a fabulous read. It is, of course, a load of unsubstantiated hogwashbut that should in no way discourage someone from picking up the endlessly amusing volume. Much like Keel's previous bestseller, THE MOTHMAN PROPHESIES, this new one will bring a smile to any reader's face. Whether or not comedy is the author's intention, it is nonetheless the glorious result.

In Keel's twenty-four chapter book he relates stories about five general groups of unknown creatures: Aliens (including cattle mutilators and space plants), Winged bipeds (including angles and mothmen), undiscovered reptiles (including dragons and the lochness monster), sasquatch (including bigfoot and abominable snowmen), and weird versions of common animals (like demon dogs, flying cats and lightning pigs). Clergymen should be especially careful of pigs that spontaneously materialize during lightning, because, as recorded in Keel's book, if they appear inside a church, they are likely to signify impending electrocution for the attending pastor.

In the book Keel remarks that "an almost infinite variety of known and unknown creatures thrive on this mudball [Earth] and appear regularly year after year..." And yet in Keel's "complete" guide he only really covers around five varieties among the apparently "near infinite" ones he could have chosen from; which doesn't sound that "complete". But the select few that Keel does cover are very interesting.


For example, Keel relates the kidnapping of underwater sea warriors. "A Tudor historian named John Stowe recorded the following in the sixteenth century: 'In the reign of King John, thunder and lightning killed many men...and fishes of strange shape, armed with helmets and shields, like armed men, were caught, only they were much bigger.'"

How cool is that? There are few things more awesome then giant fish clad in armor. I think there was a third doctor DOCTOR WHO episode almost exactly like that!

While a great example of the fun material in Keel's book, the armed fish story is also a great example of why the same book is a complete loss in terms of non-fiction. It's pretty bold to claim that King James-era Englishmen were locked in conflict with oversized soldier fishand yet Keel just pops the story into the middle of a chapter without any context.

Moreover, the book is completely devoid of reference notes. What if a non-fiction reader wanted to read Historian John Stowe's original account? Well, they can't, because Keel gives no reference to it.

Also, without references Keel's many statistic-based claims are hard to take seriously. "More than 100,000 people go missing in the US alone every year," notes Keel. Yes, that's quite possible...but where is he getting that number? Did he just make it up because it sounded right?

Here's another: "No matter where you live on this planet, someone within a two hundred miles of your home has had a direct confrontation with a frightening apparition or inexplicable 'monster' within the last generation...There is a chance- a very good one- that sometime in the next few years you will actually come face-to-face with a giant hair-covered humanoid or a little man with bulging eyes, surrounded by a green glow." [Emphasis added].

Oh really? Well, I'd like to see the research study that generated those claims.

Still, it's not fair to be too hard on Keel, because his book is just so darn entertaining. His claims are far, far too absurd for someone with even an iota of rationality to swallow... but still, they are so cool (and so fun), that in a way, you wish you could.

That's why this is a good book... not because it will make you believe, but because it will make you want to believe.

I can't wait for a future film version of MYSTERIOUS BEINGS. Admittedly, I'm not sure how you would get a plot out of this mishmash of almost entirely unrelated stories. But THE MOTHMAN PROPHESIES was a similarly pieced together volume and yet Hollywood was able to make it into the first good Richard Gere movie in, like, a decade.

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