Gorn TV (Mania.com)

By:Robert T. Trate
Date: Friday, May 08, 2009

 

Greeting Humans I am Gorn. The Toy Maniac wanted to give you his list of top 10 Star Trek figures but since top ten lists bite I have taken over. I do love chewing on those little renditions of Kirk and Spock and though my own figure the first time around sucked my later figures have outshined both those of Kirk and Spock. There have been too many Star Trek toys over the past forty cycles. Thanks to your brilliant invention, Youtube, we can relive, cringe and laugh at your silly attempts to sell your hatchlings play things. However it won’t all be just toys. Your beloved heroes of the Enterprise sold out in the worst way, more than once. Are you ready to witness the best and worst of what this Youtube has to offer? Begin transmission.
Star Trek XI Toys - TV Commercial
 
 
Is it just me or do they all look like Star Trek the baby generation? Plus, did you notice that the Uhura action figure had very pointy nummies?
Star Trek (TNG) Playmates Commercial
 
 
That computer voice is the worst. Though not as bad as Patrick Stewart, the great Shakespearean actor plugging his one man show after a Toy Commercial. Gorn laughs at you Stewart!
Deep Space 9 action figure commercial
 
 
Quark was always a funny Ferengi despite the fact that he waters down his drinks. Who else would sell play things of the people he works with? Brilliant Quark, terrifically brilliant.
 
Mego Star Trek Phaser Game Commercial
 
 
Ah, proof that even at an early age you humans train your hatchlings to fight. Who was in the right on Cestus 3 now?
1975 Mego Star Trek Playset Commercial
 
 
The adventures of your beloved crew had been off for six cycles and still toys were being made. Proof that humans will watch anything as long as it is in re-runs.
1976 Star Trek Toy Commercial Educational
 
 
Could those possibly be the worst hatchling actors on Youtube?
Vintage Mego Star Trek Action Figure Collection TV Commercial 70's
 
 
Kirk, their fearless leader? More like coward who pushes boulders and shoots his enemies with diamonds. Remember Gorn fights with weapons of the hand so that that he can look into his enemies’ eyes!
Star Trek: The Next Generation Shuttle and Klingon Cruiser Toys
 
 
That shuttle is a bitchin’ toy. Though would someone explain to Gorn why an android would need a seat belt?
Star Trek KFC
 
 
What? Is that even the real Sulu? Your beloved Captain looked a little soft in the middle. Maybe he should lay off the KFC.
Star Trek English Commercial
 
 
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
 
This is Gorn. Remember, I rule!
 
END TRANSMISSION


Series: Star Trek