5 Reasons Why Rob Zombie Must Be Stopped (Mania.com)
By:Matt Hoffman Date: Friday, August 28, 2009
Musician-turned-filmmaker Rob Zombie certainly has his fans, but he’s always had his detractors as well. From the release of his first feature, 2003’s House of 1000 Corpses, to this summer’s premiere of his Halloween II, Zombie has been taken to task by many critics for his graphic depictions of sex and violence. Personally, we love graphic depictions of sex and violence, so we’d rather focus on other, more important reasons why Zombie needs to have his directing license revoked. Namely:
5. Nepotism
Blood is thicker than water, and a quick search of IMDb will show that this proverb’s spirit is alive and well in Hollywood. Director Ron Howard often casts his brother Clint in his films, and comedy mogul Judd Apatow consistently gives roles to his wife, Leslie Mann and their children. So why should we blink when Rob Zombie’s wife, Sheri Moon Zombie, shows up prominently in all her husband’s movies?
Well, for one thing, Clint and Leslie both have acting careers outside of their familial relationships. Ms. Zombie, on the other hand, has only appeared in one movie not directed by her husband (2003’s Toolbox Murders), and has stated that she never “actively pursued” a showbiz profession. It seems that for the Zombies, filmmaking is kind of a fun couples’ activity, like yoga or pottery-making.
Still, Mr. Zombie makes quite an effort to keep his wife onscreen. You might think that the death of her character in Zombie’s Halloween would preclude her involvement in the sequel, but Halloween II’s previews reveal that she’ll return as some sort of ghost or hallucination. So when the posters proclaim that “Family Is Forever,” they aren’t just referring to the Myers clan.
4. Narcissism
Rob Zombie is a shaggy guy, and hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. We’ve got no beef with his long, scraggly hair and big ol’ beard; that’s his style, and it works for him. However, sometimes his fashion tastes become way too prominent in his films.
This problem began innocuously enough. It was okay for characters in House of 1000 Corpses or The Devil’s Rejects to have hippie manes and untamed facial hair because those films were based around an exaggerated ‘70s/hillbilly aesthetic. Zombie’s Halloween, however, takes things to the extreme. The new Michael Myers for some reason has the hair of an ‘80s metal guitarist, and so does every single one of the main girls’ boyfriends (as well as Michael’s dad, for that matter). We’re surprised Dr. Loomis wasn’t sporting dreadlocks. Was Zombie living vicariously through his characters, or is he just unaware that other hairstyles exist? Either way, dudes with crew cuts have to be feeling left out.
3. Releasing Halloween in August
Okay, so Zombie didn’t start this trend. Halloween movies have premiered in the summer ever since 1998, when Halloween H20 opened on August 5 and went on to earn huge profits. Still, a series reboot would’ve been the perfect time to return to an October release date, and Zombie’s film missed out on that opportunity.
There are probably two main reasons for this. The first is the previously-mentioned financial success of Halloween H20, and the second is the Saw series’ dominance over October ticket sales (which could also be the reason why Trick ‘R Treat never got a theatrical release). All we can say is that if you’re not sure your Halloween movie can beat one of the Saw sequels, it might be time to go back to the drawing board.
2. Being Unclear on the Whole “Remake” Concept
No, Zombie’s Halloween isn’t a terrible movie. Yes, it does have some effective parts, but those are the parts which are furthest from the intent of the original film. The remake has a completely different story structure and, more importantly, a significantly altered view of Michael Myers. In response to fans who were offended by these changes, Zombie has stated, “I don’t think it’s sacrilege. I think what is sacrilege is all of the shitty sequels. I mean… Is that what they want more of?”
Well, in a word, yes! Of course we wanted to see the same thing over again; that’s why we bought tickets to a remake. When a movie poster shows the name “Halloween” under a picture of Michael Myers, it’s not saying, “You’ll like this because it’s something totally new that you’ve never seen before.” Rather, it’s blatantly appealing to brand loyalty: “You’ll like this because it’s exactly like that other thing you already know you like.” If Zombie really thought we wanted to see an original story, he’d have written one, and given it its own title. But, as Zombie well knows, original horror movies don’t pay as well these days—that is, if they even get released at all. So he tried to have it both ways: He cashed Dimension Films’ check, split his movie between intriguing new ideas and clumsy imitation, and then disingenuously presented himself as a staunch defender of originality in storytelling.
And, to quote one of the taglines for the original Halloween II, the nightmare isn’t over…
1. He Could Strike Again
In a move which should surprise no one, Dimension Films (the company that released Zombie’s Halloween) has acquired the rights to remake John Landis’s 1981 movie An American Werewolf in London.[
We don’t have any evidence that Zombie would be the first choice to direct this project, but he’d probably be a main contender, given that his last remake made plenty of money. Don’t be surprised if a preview shows up featuring a bearded werewolf, a hard rock soundtrack and Sheri Moon Zombie. After all, if there’s one thing Hollywood knows how to do, it’s repeat itself.
Matt Hoffman grew up in Connecticut and is currently studying film and international relations in Boston. He contributes regularly to the blog Pegleg Spinners.
