Wolverines 8 Essential Rules for Dating (Mania.com)

By:Chad Derdowski
Date: Friday, January 29, 2010
Source: Mania.com

With over 100 years of life experience, James Howlett (a.k.a. Logan, a.k.a. Patch, a.k.a. Weapon X, a.k.a. Wolverine) has quite a bit of experience under his belt.  With that in mind, we asked the ol’ Canucklehead for some advice on dating.  After all, you don’t live for a century and not pick up a trick or two…

 

8. Dress to Express, Not to Impress

“Lissen up, bub–whether they’ve got an X gene or not, most women are at least a little psychic.  Doesn’t matter if it’s yer first date or your 50th--they can smell fear.  It won’t do ya any good to suit yerself up in fancy duds and pretend to be somethin’ yer not.  Lissen to old man Logan on this one–just be yerself.  Fringed leather jackets and flannel shirts (preferably sleeveless) are the way to go in this case.  Maybe even wash ‘em before ya go out.”
 

7. Don’t Mention Yer Previous Relationships

“Nobody wants to spend an entire date listenin’ to you jabber on about the redhead you knew back at the loggin’ camp who was datin’ the foreman or the redhead from Department H who was married to yer boss or that redhead at the mutant school who was going out with yer leader.  Pay attention to the redhead you’re with right now.”
 

6. Take Her Out To a Nice Place

“Me, I’m happy sittin’ in the back corner of the local saloon, poundin’ brews ‘till somebody’s stupid enough to start a fight.  But chicks ain’t always into that sort of thing, so you gotta take ‘em someplace fancy.  Be creative–maybe the Blue Area of the Moon or Asteroid M.  Or just let her pick the place.  But I’ll warn ya, bub–if she’s the type a girl who likes the Madripoor nightlife, she ain’t the type a girl you wanna take home to mom.  An’ I’d appreciate it if you’d pass her number along to me.”
 

5. Make Sure She’s Legal

“Yeah, I spent a little time with Kitty Pryde n’ Jubilee, but we was just friends and anybody who says otherwise gets skewered.  Still, it did a number to my rep an’ I still get shit about it from Charlie.  So do yerself a favor and check their ID.”
 

4. Don’t Judge Her By Her Family

“You’re dating her, not her family.  Keep that in mind when you her brother shoves a samurai sword through your abdomen and you discover that she’s descended from a long line of Yakuza assassins.  Doesn’t change who she is, bub; and it doesn’t mean it won’t work out.  The worst thing that’ll happen is that she might get poisoned with blowfish tetrodotoxin by a rival assassin… and even then, it ain’t like revenge isn’t fun, right?”
 

3. Good Hygiene is a Must

“Lissen bub, you gotta wash yer drawers once in a while.  And while you’re at it, do something with yourself: you look like a slob.  Ladies like a guy who takes a little pride in his appearance.  Keep yer sideburns trimmed to a manageable length… maybe 3 inches long.  An’ fer chrissakes, would it kill ya to run a comb through yer hair once in a while?”
 

2. Watch Yer Alcohol Intake

“Havin’ a healin’ factor compensates for hittin’ the booze.  Takes a lot to get me drunk.  But even so, I wind up forgettin’ where I am, who I am or even what I am most of the time.  Can’t tell ya how many times I’ve woken up naked in the middle of a forest with a buncha wires attached to me an’ no mem’ry of the past month.  Best to just avoid it altogether when you’re with a lady.”
 

1. Don’t Let Yer Friends Tag Along

“You can see yer buddies anytime; leave ‘em behind when you’re out with a girl.  Next thing ya know, they’re gettin’ in yer business, tryin’ to tell ya that they saw her first and it’s a constant source a’ turmoil.
 
Or worse yet, he rapes her and kills her an’ leaves a bloody mess in yer cabin then shows up ev’ry year on yer birthday and kicks the shit outta you.  Better of just keepin’ friends and females separate.”
 
“One last word of advice, bub–just be yourself.  Even if you can’t remember who you are.”
 
Need more advice from Comic Book Characters? Then try Galactus' 10 Rules for Healthy Living
 


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