9 Former Wussy Actors Turned Bad Ass (Mania.com)
Date: Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Some guys are born wussies. Other guys are natural born, bad asses. Now bad asses don’t necessarily beat up wussies, but they don’t tolerate them all too well either.
But every now and then, a natural born wuss can evolve into a genuine hard-as-nails, ass-kicking, snot-spitting, jaw-busting bad ass.
We here at Mania would like to celebrate 9 such men with our aptly titled article, 9 Wussy Actors Reborn as Bad Asses
9. Matt Damon
Sure, now Matt Damon is known as a skull-cracking, vengeance obsessed, stunt driving bad-ass, but Damon started his big screen career as a dorky little brother, Steamer, in the late eighties coming out age chick flick Mystic Pizza.
He followed that one-line performance up with a few more wimpy roles including the 16-year-old lovesick cowboy in a film that is sure to give chills to all the real men reading this – All The Pretty Horses.
You can taunt with little Steamer all you want, but if you even get an itch to mess with Jason Bourne, know this; there is no measure to how fast and how hard he will bring that fight to your doorstep.
Don’t mess with Bourne.
8. Gerard Butler
He once played a valet named Yasha in a movie about a spoiled aging aristocratic lady, who returns from a trip to Paris to face the loss of her magnificent Cherry Orchard estate after a default on the mortgage.
Awwww boo-freaking-hoo. The pampered rich lady lost her cherry trees. You know what’s tougher than not having your own cherries? Going up against an army of one million lead by a giant god-king, and all you have is 300 soldiers. Oh yeah, and a set of balls the size of Persia.
So what if he makes a romantic comedy with Jennifer Anniston nowadays? You know what else he’s doing with Jennifer Anniston? Yeah you do.
We bet when the King of Sparta makes dinner reservations for himself and the foxy Friends star, they always dine in hell.
7. Matthew Fox
Starting out in a teen drama can hurt your credibility as a bad ass, and doing even a single episode of that incredibly lame-ass comedy, Wings should be enough to make real men want to punch you repeatedly real hard in the face, but Matthew Fox also played Racer X.
Racer X as we all know is the brooding and more talented long lost brother of pretty boy bad ass Speed Racer. And speaking of “Lost,” Fox is even better known as tortured would-be hero, Dr. Jack Shephard in ABC’s LOST.
Jack may lose his shit now and then, but that island loves to mess with people’s minds. He also may also lose a fight from time to time, but he doesn’t back down from any tussles, and often, he gives as good as he gets. He may have even beaten up Sawyer if the crafty conman didn’t kick Jack square in medical bag.
We guarantee if the passengers on Oceanic Flight 815 ever expect anything similar to a happily ever after, they better stick with Jack. Jack can fix anything–except his own swollen sack.
6. Eric Bana
Now this guy has the credentials. He was the Aussie bad ass Chopper, the ruthless villain in a Star Trek flick, he fought the un-defeatable Achilles and he was the Incredible Hulk for crissakes! But did you know this bona fide bruiser started off as a sketch comedian?
You’ll forgive us here in America if we laugh at that, because sketch comics in the States rarely come any more intimidating than Kris Kattan. Then again, this Bana guy is from Australia.
Maybe one of his sketches was how the Hulk ripped the spine out of Mango and Monkey Boy and Corky all at the same time, and then went on a spine ripping rampage to other puny comics like David Spade, Rick Moranis and Martin Short. Now that’s comedy.
5. Adrian Brody
A fine actor to be sure, but no one has ever confused Adrian Brody with Clint Eastwood. It’s still a little too early to call, but Brody is about to star in the next chapter of Predators, and we here at Mania believe a thespian of Brody’s caliber may just very well have the acting chops to deliver such classic lines as, “I ain’t got time to bleed.”
And sure Brody may have been the youngest actor ever to receive an Academy Award for Best Actor but can he come through with such no-nonsense tough guy (girl) dialogue like, “Stick around”
We shall see.
4. Hugh Jackman
Yeah, we know he’s done a romantic comedy with Meg Ryan; we’re also aware he’s sang and danced on a Broadway stage dressed in sparkly silver pants. Of course you realize why all of these decidedly less-than-macho pursuits will pass without so much as a forced-coughed of “wussy” into out hands, and that’s because we don’t mess with any of the Weapon X Project alumni–least of all Wolverine.
Jackman also played rugby back in high school, and rugby is seriously hardcore bad ass. That alone entitles the musical Aussie to guest star on Ugly Betty, Gossip Girl, and Glee.
Hell, he could be Sarah Jessica Parker’s constantly crying asexual confidant in the new Sex in the City movie if he wants. Of course if he decides go “snikt” to any or all of the stars of those shows, we’re more than cool with that too, bub.
3. Robert Downey Jr.
He was a total weenie bully douche in Weird Science, he was a total self-absorbed self pitying douche in Less Than Zero and, and he was even a douche when we were supposed to like him in Back to School. We’re pretty sure the real Robert Downey Jr. was a real wussy douche during the entire ‘80s. But hey, the guy made a comfortable living playing douchey and annoying teenage eccentrics.
By the time the ‘90s rolled around we were all pleasantly surprised to see him show off his thespian ability as the lovable tramp himself in Chaplin. We were surprised he didn’t make Chaplin a huge douche.
The thing is when you play douche as well as Downey, a character named Wayne Gale (Natural Born Killers) is money in the bank.
We have no idea how douchey Downey is in real life, but at least now thanks to Tony Stark and Sherlock Holmes, he’s the kind of self-absorbed douche we can root for. Way to be a douche, Rob.
2. Lawrence Fishburne
Yeah, we know what you’re thinking, how the hell did Morpheus, Furious Styles and Ike Turner end up on this list?
Two words-Cowboy Curtis.
For those of you with selective memory, Fishburne starred as the mulletted, jheri-curled singing ‘50s style cowboy on Pee Wee Herman’s, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.
For the record, we all loved Fishburne as Cowboy Curtis, but we also want to believe every now and then he had to hold back his raging desire to take off his shoe and beat the hell out of Chairy, and Globey, and start knocking cowboy boots with the lovely Miss Yvonne.
1. Elijah Wood
Here’s the thing, Elijah Wood did a lot of roles that could be classified as wussyish back in his child star days, but in his defense, he probably wasn’t up against Chuck Norris for too many acting parts in the ‘90s anyway. When you’re a working dramatic actor and your black and curlies haven’t come in yet, you’re going to do a lot of movies that require crying.
If his portrayal as Frodo Baggins didn’t convince you this guy could play rough with the big boys, his turn as Kevin in Sin City you should have left you with no doubt.
Wood’s next role is playing punk rock legend Iggy Pop in the upcoming biopic, The Passenger. Even Chuck Norris isn’t tough enough to play Iggy.
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