5 Worst Japanese Monster Movies of all time (Mania.com)
Date: Friday, March 19, 2010
Today we pay homage to some of the most ridiculous Japanese movie monsters ever. These creatures are complete abominations not only for their hilarious appearance, but for the sheer overkill of weaponry and insane acrobatic skills many of them possess. Although this list could possibly go on forever, we have chosen five of our favorite lame monsters for your enjoyment.
While Mothra is one of the more popular Japanese monsters, it doesn’t excuse it from being really lame. Mothra is a female moth (although Mothra Leo is apparently a boy moth) that can be a really sweet giant moth when protecting the folks on Infant Island, or she can be a super kick-ass destructive moth, often battling Godzilla (her on-again-off-again friend) or other ridiculous monsters like Gigan (we’ll get to him later). Besting Mothra will do no good as her larvae will ultimately hatch, thus bringing about a brand new Mothra and another monster film.
Mothra makes the list mainly for her appearance. Mothra resembles a huge stuffed animal flying through the sky, a kind of moth/butterfly hybrid that induces more laughter than horror. Mothra does have a lot of destructive power, the most humorous being her ability to destroy buildings with the gusts of wind created by her cute, mammoth, butterfly wings. Mothra also has the distinction of being the best pick for an Olympic mascot.
Gigan appears to be an extremely ambitious inbreeding experiment gone terribly wrong. He’s a combo lizard-bird-robot thing and has the ability to fly super-fast, sometimes at mach speed. Gigan sports strange hooked-claw things as hands, appendages that seem highly problematic for anything other than tearing Godzilla a new one, which Gigan has been known to do. In addition, Gigan has a chainsaw built into his belly that also proves a very formidable weapon.
Gigan gets a lame nod mainly for the overabundance of crap he is outfitted with and his completely stupid appearance. This interstellar monster’s arsenal includes grappling hooks, razor discs, eye beams, explosive charges, and antigravity flight, just to name a few. It’s no wonder this freak of nature has been known to kick the crap out of Godzilla and is considered one of his worst enemies.
From Frankenstein Conquers the World
Leave it to the Japanese to attempt a remake of Frankenstein that is absolutely nothing like the original. Truth be told, the name Frankenstein is simply a name given to a giant boy by a TV crew when they find the giant boy running around Japan... and a scientist finds the heart of the real Frankenstein monster, which then ends up in the possession of the Japanese. Ok, there’s a connection here? Sure, why not.
Frankenstein Conquers the World is a ridiculous film that features a crazy, normal-sized boy who suddenly begins to grow to into a giant boy. He eats animals and throws trees at birds: the type of silly, pent-up emotions you’d find dwelling within a giant boy. It’s a very predictable film in a really surreal way, from the giant monster, Baragon, that begins terrorizing villages, to Frankenstein’s love-interest. Frankenstein (aka, the giant boy) would have been much more interesting had he been loaded down with some of Gigan’s weapons.
2. Minilla (Son of Godzilla)
Minilla was a seemingly desperate attempt by Japanese filmmakers to come up with something (anything!) to appease monster movie audiences. Minilla is technically the first offspring of Godzilla, but there were more that followed, some of which were also referred to as Minilla. Minilla fought side-by-side with Godzilla to defeat King Ghidorah (actually a really cool Japanese monster), and has lived on islands with very Nickelodeon-esque names like Monster Island and Monsterland.
Minilla is incredibly cute, one of the main reasons this little guy makes the lame list. Simply put, Japanese movie monsters shouldn’t be cute. Minilla’s body looks like a large bland rock, but his poor body features are offset by a really sweet, innocent face. It’s hard to watch Minilla battling other monsters, as you just want to give it a hug and cradle it in your arms... were it not a giant monster.
1. King Caesar (or King Seesar)
King Caesar is a rock/statue that turns into a giant dog monster who comes to life to fight Mechagodzilla. Indeed, there is nothing more pleasing to the eye than a giant dog fighting a Godzilla-shaped robot. King Caesar has no funky weapons to speak of, but instead relies on his incredible strength and super-kick-ass martial arts abilities. King Caesar has big, floppy ears, a pathetically unkempt coat, and, when standing in full attack mode, vaguely resembles a really hairy transvestite.
King Caesar takes top honors on the lame Japanese monster list for being a dog that is apparently part lion, a terrible combination that didn’t work well at all. In all honesty, King Caesar is actually kind of cute, much like Minilla, and brings to mind a drunk guy wearing the worst Halloween costume ever.