TV Wasteland: Bloody Good (Mania.com)

By:Rob Vaux
Date: Sunday, June 19, 2011

 

On June 26th, the closest thing to a sure bet on TV this summer returns: True Blood, the bloody chunk of Goth  that heaps further shame on the Twilight crowd without missing a beat. Season Three left a huge tangle of threads to unravel, which the show runners hope to juice up with the addition of witches and faeries. The latter have enticed Sookie (Anna Paquin) over to the other side, while the former sink their hooks into Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) with help from the leader of the local Wiccans. Along the way, Erik (Alexander Skarsgard) loses his memory, Alcide (Joe Manganiello) moves in next door, and Hoyt’s mom (Dale Raole) buys a gun to deal with her son’s bloodsucking girlfriend. It promises to resolve itself in a delightfully messy fashion and leave us gasping for more by the time August rolls around. The trip starts this Sunday at 9:00 PM EDT on HBO.
 
Monday
Sanctuary (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
Season Three comes to an end as the Hollow Earth disgorges its unholy contents in a South Dakota cave, causing Magnus (Amanda Tapping) to call in the cavalry… literally.
 
Teen Wolf (MTV, 10:00 PM EDT)
As loathe as I am to acknowledge this show’s existence, we’re still awfully sparse in the genre department these days. Tonight’s episode concerns the arrival of a new hunter and Derek’s (Tyler Hoechlin) willingness to make Scott (Tyler Posey) his buddy because of it.    
 
The Village (IFC, 8:05 PM EDT)
The ending is still stupid, for those so interested.
 
The Scorpion King (Starz, 7:25 PM EDT)
Is it me, or has the Rock lost way too much weight lately?
 
Tuesday
Pulp Fiction (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
I will never forgive IFC for adding commercials to its line-up: turning Quentin Tarantino’s pop culture masterpiece into an insufferable slog. Screw you IFC; you really don’t love movies.
 
Resident Evil: Afterlife (Starz, 9:00 PM EDT)
I won’t say they’re good, but as long as the Resident Evil films feature Milla Jovovich and a big gun, I will never really hate them.
 
Repo Men (HBO, 8:00 PM EDT)
Damn, just when I thought this stinky Jude Law-starring sci-fi nonsense had slunk out of premium cable for good, it pops right back up. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
 
Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid and Anaconda 3 (Syfy, 7:00 PM EDT and 9:00 PM EDT)
I’m still getting over the fact that there was an Anaconda 2; now I have to somehow exist in a universe where John Rhys-Davies headlines the third entry. We’re a loooooooonnng way from Gimli here, kids.
 
Wednesday
Haunted Collector (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
The gang searches for possessed artifacts in a former lunatic asylum in Connecticut and a firehouse museum in Colorado.
 
Batman Begins (AMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Another great film ruined by commercials. Still, it will keep the yearnings at bay until Nolan finishes The Dark Knight Rises.
 
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT and 10:15 PM EDT)
IFC uncorks the very violent (though not entirely worthless) remakes of Tobe Hooper’s cult horror classic back-to-back. Look for appearances from Jessica Biel, R. Lee Emery and Jordana Brewster… all way too good to be showing up here.
 
Thursday
Burn Notice (USA, 9:00 PM EDT)
USA’s beloved spy show opens up a brand-new season, with Michael (Jeffrey Donovan) returning to his old agency and hunting the folks who set him up in the first place.
 
Wilfred (FX, 10:00 PM EDT)
We’re covering this new comedy even though it’s not strictly genre. It features Elijah Wood as a young man caring for a dog who – in his eyes – looks and talks like a chain-smoking Australian. Here’s hoping it’s as weirdly wonderful as the premise suggests.
 
Futurama (Comedy, 10:00 PM EDT)
The Planet Express gang returns in a pair of episodes that features gender-altering aliens and an army of tiny Benders running amuck. Nice to know they’re not stuck in a rut…
 
Alien (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Describing this sci-fi classic would only insult us all.
 
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (Syfy, 6:00 PM EDT)
Though it sank quickly in the summer of 2008, the second in the big-budget Chronicles of Narnia adaptations actually does quite well for itself.
 
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
This continuation of James Cameron’s sci-fi classics resolutely fails to live up to its predecessors, but still provides an amiable good time for the undemanding.
 
It Came From Beneath the Sea (TCM, 8:00 PM EDT)
A new passel of vintage sci-fi shlockery touches down on TCM; this one featuring effects from the great Ray Harryhausen.
 
The Monster That Challenged The World (TCM, 9:30 PM EDT)
You can continue the drive-in zaniness with this tale about prehistoric monsters in California and the hunky Navy officers who take their mutant asses down. TCM keeps it up all night with the likes of Creature from the Haunted Sea and The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms after this.
 
The Crow (BBC America, 9:00 PM EDT)
Brandon Lee’s swan song attains a dark, haunting resonance: both because of the tragic circumstances surrounding the shoot and the power of its late star’s screen presence.
 
Devil (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
I sincerely hope the actual devil has better things to do than hang out with the losers stuck in the elevator here.
 
Friday
Avatar (Cinemax, 8:15 PM EDT)
I’ve harped on this enough lately, so I’ll leave its numerous fans to enjoy it in peace. Try to catch it in HD if you can; it does look pretty that way.
 
The Incredible Hulk (FX, 8:00 PM EDT)
A bunch of stations are running comic book movies tonight. This Edward Norton reboot of the iconic emerald superhero may be the best of a mixed lot.
 
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (HBO, 7:30 PM EDT)
I grant that it’s a mess, but it can be a fun mess if you let it.
 
Sin City (IFC, 7:30 PM EDT)
Robert Rodriguez’s adaptation of Frank Miller’s neo-noir comics suffers the fatal flaw of being too true to the material: recreating the notes while missing the music.
 
Saturday
Outcasts (BBC America, 9:00 PM EDT)
When a shuttle vanishes outside of the settlement, a rescue party is dispatched to find out what happened.
 
Strange Days (FMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Thank you, Kathryn Bigelow, for making this movie so damn cool.
 
Suspiria (FMC, 10:30 PM EDT)
If you’re sitting on any illicit drugs, I suggest you wait until after Dario Argento’s surreal horror film before taking them.
 
The Dark Knight (TNT, 8:00 PM EDT)
That goes double for this one: forty kinds of awesome, but best experienced in a non-altered state of mind.
 
Lake Placid 2 (Syfy, 7:00 PM EDT)
AKA “Let’s watch Cloris Leachman pay the rent.”
 
Swamp Shark (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Kristy Swanson and D.B. Sweeney seem like nice kids, so we’ll refrain from commenting on the silly-ass Syfy movie in which they seem to have found themselves.
 
Oh man, Out of the Pastis on TCM tonight! (8:00 PM EDT). Not quite genre, but still…
 
Sunday
True Blood (HBO, 9:00 PM EDT)
Season Four opens with Sookie (Anna Paquin) in an alternate dimension with the fae, and Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Erik (Alexander Skarsgard) take different approaches to assuage the fears of the local humans. See the top of the article for more.
 
Falling Skies (TNT, 10:00 PM EDT)
Steven Weber guest stars as a doctor who may know how to take those awful harnesses off the kids.
 
Alien 3 (BBC America, 8:00 PM EDT)
AKA “The One That Killed the Franchise.”
 
Ninja Assassin (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
Hold your head high, cast and crew. You do ninjas proud here.
 
The Core (Syfy, 8:00 PM EDT)
There are some very cool actors in this film, but they really push our indulgence by showing up in such nonsense.


Series: