TV Wasteland: Will This Blood Run True? (Mania.com)
Date: Monday, June 04, 2012
With a schedule this empty, it’s not hard to spot the high point for this week’s viewing. HBO finishes off Game of Thrones only to pave the way for its other big genre hit, True Blood. The venerable vampire saga is dearly in need of a creative infusion. Last season generally failed to impress (with the exception of Fiona Shaw’s marvelous wicked witch) and the new batch of shows needs to come out the gate strong. So far, it hasn’t given us much cause for hope. While the return of Russell Edgington holds some promise, a lot of the previews appear to be regurgitating old material. Hardly auspicious for a show dearly in need of some new (*ahem*) blood. We’ll see if Sookie and the gang can pull a rabbit out of their hats, or if the show’s decline becomes permanent.
True Blood premieres on HBO this Sunday, June 10th at 9:00 PM EST.
Eureka (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Holly is in danger when a virus threatens to wipe out the virtual world for good.
Lost Girl (Syfy, 10:00 PM EST)
They’re running the obligatory “heroine goes undercover at a strip club” episode this week. Apparently Canadian shows can be just as misogynistic as ours.
Independence Day (AMC, 8:00 PM EST)
Be aware: they are talking sequel here.
Beauty and the Beast (Disney, 8:30 PM EST)
Disney’s masterpiece remains every bit as delightful today as it was 21 years ago.
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (FMC, 7:30 PM EST)
Neal McDonough makes an awesome villain, but even he can’t save this atrocious sequel from terminal stinkiness.
Planet of the Apes (FMC, 9:30 PM EST)
It’s the Tim Burton version; please don’t beat me, I’m just the messenger.
Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Is there a Black Forest in the U.S.? Because tonight’s episode sounds way too downscale to be set in Germany.
Awake (AMC, 8:00 PM EST)
Hayden Christensen and Jessica Alba star in… yeah, you stopped reading right there, didn’t you?
1408 (FMC, 7:30 PM EST)
It’s John Cusack vs. the Worst Hotel Room in the Whole Wide World in a cage match to the death!
Avatar (FX, 8:00 PM EST)
James Cameron’s mega-blockbuster certain doesn’t improve from copious ads of basic cable… or the lack of 3D, upon which its visuals absolutely depend.
Haunted Collector (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Syfy begins a second season of the inane reality show about antiques that may or may not be haunted. Let’s see if we can’t find something more interesting to watch…
Sky High (Disney XD, 8:00 PM EST)
Be careful with this one; it’ll charm the socks off you if you let it.
Fantastic Four and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (FMC, 7:00 PM EST and 9:30 PM EST)
And in the Hideously Blown Opportunities category, we have Marvel’s first family. They definitely deserved better.
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Starz, 6:00 PM EST)
Can you watch this without automatically throwing in Return of the King afterwards? Starz is betting you can.
Wristcutters: A Love Story (Sundance, 8:00 PM EST and 9:30 PM EST)
If you feel like something a little different, then check out this indie winner about an afterlife for suicides and the wacky adventures a few of them get into.
Inception (Cinemax, 7:30 PM EST)
Okay, they’ve got an awesome Christopher Nolan double bill tonight… only it’s on separate channels. Bear with us, we’re gonna do some somersaulting…
Batman Begins (FMC, 10:00 PM EST)
Finish Inception on Cinemax and jump over to FMC for another Christopher Nolan masterpiece.
Aliens (Syfy, 6:00 PM EST)
Or backtrack and check out Aliens before Prometheus opens…
Alien: The Director’s Cut (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EST)
Then head back to Cinemax for another bit of Prometheus prep or…
X-Men: The Last Stand (FMC, 7:30 PM EST)
…rewind the clock for a less-than-elegant entry in the X-Men saga instead. Whew!
Race to Witch Mountain (Disney XD, 10:00 PM EST)
I know the Rock loves making kids’ movies, but he’s got to find some better ones. Please, big guy.
District 9 (IFC, 8:00 PM EST)
Want to know what the best science fiction film of 2009 was? Hint: it wasn’t Avatar.
Alien vs. Predator (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
This misbegotten sequel won’t be inspiring any “Best of” arguments in the near future.
Freaky Friday (ABC Family, 7:00 PM EST)
I defy you to watch this Lindsay Lohan/Jamie Lee Curtis vehicle and not openly weep for innocence lost.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (ABC Family, 9:00 PM EST)
Johnny Depp is great, but when he wears out of welcome, man it’s gone.
Armageddon (FX, 6:00 PM EST)
The Michael Bay movie of Michael Bay movies.
The Spiral Staircase (TCM , 8:00 PM EST)
TCM delivers a classic chiller about a serial murderer attacking women with disabilities. Trust me, it’s classier than it sounds.
The Innocents (TCM, 9:30 PM EST)
They quickly follow it up with another masterpiece, based on Henry James’s ghost story The Turn of the Screw.
Finding Nemo (ABC Family, 7:30 PM EST)
Disney/Pixar has never been better than their Oscar-winning fish story that finally cracked the code on CG water.
Aladdin (ABC Family, 10:00 PM EST)
Sadly, Aladdin hasn’t aged nearly as well as the film they’ve paired it with tonight.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (IFC, 8:00 PM EST)
Though hardly outstanding, this adaptation of the Douglas Adams novel remains light on its feet and very faithful to the book.
Alien 3 (IFC, 10:15 PM EST)
It still surprises me that David Fincher survived this debacle to become the director he did.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Showtime, 8:00 PM EST and 10:10 PM EST)
Just try to avoid Showtime tonight, is what we’re saying.
Shark Zone (Syfy, 7:00 PM EST)
These days, I expect a little more imagination from my Syfy original movie titles than this one can muster. Anyone care to help?
Jersey Shore Shark Attack (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Ah, that will do nicely.
Shrek (TBS, 9:00 PM EST)
Dreamworks’ fractured fairytale endured the inevitable product overkill to become a justly celebrated classic.
The Book of Eli (TNT, 8:00 PM EST)
A post-apocalyptic showdown between Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman. What’s not to love? The film repeats at 10:30 PM EST.
True Blood (HBO, 9:00 PM EST)
The fifth season of HBO’s horror soap hopes to regain its early form after a disappointing Season Four. See the top of the article for more.
The Wolfman (Spike, 8:00 PM EST)
And so Spike pulls this guilty pleasure of a remake into its sweaty, beer-stained embrace.
Angels and Demons (Syfy, 6:00 PM EST)
The second entry in the most inexplicably popular franchise not named Twilight gets a too generous screening on Syfy tonight.
The Devil’s Advocate (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
I will admit that they recover beautifully, however.
The Wizard of Oz (TCM, 8:00 PM EST)
If you have to ask…