Mick Jagger Beats Davy Jones (Mania.com)

By:Andrew Hershberger
Date: Monday, May 03, 2004

Based on Actual Television Shows

Greetings Cinescapers! Last week we asked who would win in a fight, Mick Jagger or Davy Jones of the Monkees. Well the responses are in and in no way a surprise you have chosen Mick Jagger. Go Mick!

Now to continue on with these mock celebrity battles, we ask you another silly, irrelevant question: Who would win in a fight: Mick Jagger or Dean Martin?

It's important you write your answer to TVWasteland@cinescape.com, the fate of the world hinges upon it.

Oh and Gonzo of THE MUPPETS fame is apparently both a weirdo and a space alien, as per MUPPETS FROM SPACE, but you knew this.

Well, we've got shows listed and if you'd like to see what caught the Wasteland's eye this week why not keep reading?


UNBREAKABLE (8 pm, ABC) Last week it was THE SIXTH SENSE, this week it's UNBREAKABLE. Looks like ABC Monday's are reserved for M. Night Shyamalan. I guess next week America can look forward to WIDE AWAKE.

EVERWOOD (8 pm, WB) Andy wants his mentor to chance even riskier brain surgery; like one done with rusty spoons and no antiseptic.

THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS (8 pm, NIK) Timmy goes inside a video game, and is promptly eaten by Pac-Man. (Repeat)

CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) When a prop plane crashed, who do you call? That's right: CSI: MIAMI.


24 (9 pm, FOX) "9 am 10 am." Tony is forced to choose between his duty and his wife. Don't be surprised to see that couple on DIVORCE COURT.

NYPD BLUE (10 pm, ABC) Jennifer escapes from a psychiatric ward, which is simply crazy.

THE SHIELD (10 pm, FX) Claudette has to investigate two murders that were racially motivated.

THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (10 pm, TCM) Humphrey Bogart goes nutty over gold.


SMALLVILLE (8 pm, WB) An Kiwatche Indian gains Superman-type powers and believes himself the legendary Naman.

ENTERPRISE (8 pm, UPN) Archer's Enterprise encounters a future Enterprise crewed by their descendants that give them a warning about a wormhole.

ANGEL (9 pm, WB) Spike and Angel travel to Rome to save Buffy from her new beau. Since a certain actor's name isn't in the credits, I bet they won't find her.

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (10 pm, CBS) When a millionaire and his wife are brutally murdered, the team can't help but think of GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. (Repeat)


A STAR IS BORN (8 pm, OXYGEN) Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson star is this tepid, but extraordinarily successful, 1976 version of the classic tale of a mighty man who falls during the rise of his talented lady friend/wife.

GOODBYE, MR. CHIPS (8 pm, TCM) This 1939 version features Robert Donat's tremendous Academy Award winning performance of a teacher who has a positive effect on his students. Later remake features Peter O'Toole in the title role.

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9 pm, CBS) Six people die in a roller coaster crash. I guess that would make it an anti-amusement ride. (Oh boo you too.)

WITHOUT A TRACE (10 pm, CBS) After a dismal season a football coach goes missing. Good riddance.


JOAN OF ARCADIA (8 pm, CBS) Joan takes a cosmetic course under God's command.

REBA (8 pm, WB) Reba and Barbra Jean get in a bar brawl, with Reba mad enough to kill.

STARGATE SG-1 (9 pm, SCI-FI) The President sends some film guys to make a documentary about the Stargate Command Base. (Repeat)

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS (10 pm, AMC) An American Movie Classic.


TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY (6 pm, SCIFI) A killer cyborg from the future is reprogrammed to become a loveable father figure to a young punk.

BEND OF THE RIVER (8 pm, AMC) Jimmy Steward discovers that sometimes saving a person from a lynch mob is a bad thing.

JACKASS: THE MOVIE (9 pm, SHOW) Humorous pranks lose luster when you realize that the stars have the financial backing to compensate all those harassed by their wacky antics.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (11:30, NBC) Jennifer Aniston hosts while the Black Eyed Peas play music.


THE SIMPSONS (8 pm, FOX) 1) A back-story episode detailing Homer and Marge's love affair. 2) Marge protests some tax laws. (second episode a repeat)

CHARMED (8 pm, WB) 1) Reality shows are satirized as the girls are courted for a demonic reality TV show. 2) Phoebe "accidentally" releases her crazy youth personality, much to the annoyance of everyone. (Second episode a repeat)

MOONSTRUCK (8 pm, UPN) Cute Academy Award winning film has revealed itself over time to be a glorified sitcom, still Cher and Nicolas Cage have their moments.

DIE HARD 2 (8 pm, TBS) Bruce Willis action picture. Lives up to the title.

And so dear friends we just have to carry on, but until next week, here's a question, "can Hugh Grant act?" Send your answers to Tvwasteland@cinescape.com."

TV Wasteland is our weekly Television column. All names have been changed to protect the innocent.