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Daddy Knows Best

About the normal routine for a week of celebrity happenstance. A case of crazy pop princesses getting schooled by Daddy, Alec Baldwin playing for the “Worse Father of the Year” award, Rosie not putting up a public fight for the first time in a long time, Doogie Howser heading off a witch-hunt and oh yes, Keith Richards falling on his head is only a bad thing for horses.  

Yep, the strange and whacky world of celebrities is where it should be. 
 
 
 
 

Daddy Really Does Know Best, Britney Spears: 

Apparently, the period of time where Spears shows just the tiniest ounce of essence of sanity has ended. The former pop princess has been all over the place lately acting like the misfit that she is. 

According to Star magazine, Spears still plans to do some serious nip-and-tucking in the coming months. The tabloid reported that the mother-of-two will spend $8,000 on a breast lift, $12,000 on a lower-body lift, $16,000 on liposuction for her back, stomach, and love handles and $6,000 on brachioplasty to tighten up her upper arms. 

In all, Spears was said to be shelling out somewhere in the neighborhood of $130,000 in the quest to get her body back to pre-baby form. 

This isn’t the issue that has upset Mr. Daddy Spears though… 

On top of her trying to relive a part of life that is over for her in body form, she’s also of the opinion that her recent rehab stint was definitely unnecessary. In a recent interview with x17online.com, she tells her fans and her haters how the rehab was not needed. 

"My management totally knew what they were doing when they sent me to rehab," she said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, while giving a double thumbs up. "They were so right." 

It was her firing of long time manager Larry Rudolph which drew the ire of his family and her father, Jamie Spears. 

“When Larry Rudolph talked Britney into going into rehab, he was doing what her mother, father and team of professionals with over 100 years of experience knew needed to be done," Jamie Spears wrote in his email to the Post. "She was out of control. Larry was the one chosen by the team to roll up his sleeves and deliver the message, to help save her life. 

"The Spears family would like to publicly apologize to Larry for our daughter's statements about him over the past few weeks. Unfortunately, she blames him and her family for where she is at today with her kids and career. Larry has always been there for Britney. For this, we will forever be grateful to him." 

Britney was quick to respond to the public lashing by daddy dearest by saying basically “Father doesn’t know best.” 

"I am praying for my father. We have never had a good relationship," she told the Post through her rep. "It's sad that all the men that have been in my life do not know how to accept a real woman's love. I am concentrating on my work and my life right now." 
 

Rightttttt. That’s the answer. All the men in your life couldn’t accept a real woman’s love.  

Someone wake me when this girl comes back to Planet Earth. 
 

Alec Baldwin goes “off” on his 11 year old daughter. 

A pretty shitty phone call has been circulating the world wide web highway this week in which the usual funny Alec Baldwin acts like a twit to his daughter over the phone for missing a phone call of his. The recording obtained by TMZ has been making its way around the web much to the distress of Baldwin’s case lawyer, I’m sure. 

Recording of Baldwin vs. 11 year old daughter: 

"Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone. You have insulted me for the last time!" Baldwin yelled in the recording, reportedly made Apr. 11 and obtained by TMZ.  

Baldwin added: "I don't give a damn that you're a 12-year-old or 11-year-old or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned...The crap you pull on me with this goddamn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother, and you do it to me constantly over and over again!" 

The Golden Globe winner then threatened/offered to fly from New York to Los Angeles "for the day just to straighten you out on the issue." 

This is an exceptionally sticky situation for thespian Baldwin because of his ongoing custody battle between himself and ex wife Kim Basinger. 

The judge overseeing the case has temporarily suspended Baldwin’s visitation rights. 

Baldwin’s camp has fought back with their own shots since this recording was released to the web. 

“In the best interest of the child, Alec will do what the mother is pathologically incapable of doing...keeping his mouth shut and obeying the court order," a spokesman for Baldwin said in a statement, referring to Nelson's order to keep the details of the very estranged couple's custody battle under wraps.  

"The mother and her lawyer leaked this sealed material in violation of a court order," the statement continued. "Although Alec acknowledges that he should have used different language in parenting his child, everyone who knows him privately knows what he has been put through for the past six years." 

In response, Basinger’s spokeswoman said “The voicemail speaks for itself.” 

Such a lovely family. 

What did I say about “Father knowing best”? 
 

Neil Patrick Harris says “The Brewing Witch-hunt” made him come out: 

Neil Patrick Harris announced he was Gay to the world last November but now, it’s being said by him that his coming out wasn’t something he was really interested in. It was just something to do before the “witch hunt” got him first. 

“There was a little media scrutiny heading my way," Harris told DeGeneres, whose own coming out 10 years ago on the cover of Time was a national event. "I've been dating the same guy for three years and our families know. We go out together all the time, but I just feel like, as an actor, part of your occupation is retaining a bit of mystery so you can be believable in many different types of roles.    

"So I never felt it was an obligation for me to hold pinkies down the red carpet or anything."   

"I just didn't find it important, but other people did and I sort of sensed this witch hunt brewing," the former Doogie Howser explained. "People were starting to ask for stories of other people that may have fooled around with me, and the last thing you want to do is talk about your private life based on scandal. I'm not a very scandalous person…so I just made a statement and sort of squashed the fires."   

As for life not changing much after coming out, he had this to say: 

"The greatest ending to the story so far is that nothing really has changed at all," the actor said regarding his fans' response to his November outing. "I'm doing nothing different and people aren't behaving differently toward me, and the fact that it's a nonissue—people heard and they're like, 'yeah, and?'—that attitude, I think, is great. It wasn't so shocking.   

"The normalcy of it...is important for people to appreciate. In today's media there are lots of examples of that, and it's good to see people just being themselves." 

More power to you, Harris. Your scenes in Harold & Kumar still keep me chuckling every single time I see it on the ole tube. 
 

Horses to be sedated for Rolling Stones 

Hey now, I love the Rolling Stones classics just like everyone else but I couldn’t stop laughing at this one, especially given the age of the Stones and them constantly retouring in weird places. This one gave a few chuckles even if it angers some animal activists.  

Serbian animal activists are angered over a plan to sedate as many as 300 horses stabled at a racecourse in Belgrade where the Rolling Stones are slated to play. The horses are kept just yards from where the rockers will be taking the stage at the Hippodrome, the city's largest fenced space. 

The 2003 showing in Serbia was cancelled after the prime minister Zoran Djindjic was assassinated. It was rescheduled for 2006 but that in turn was cancelled after Keith Richards fell out of a Coconut Tree. 

No, reader. I’m not making up that last line. Yes, Keith Richards fell out of a Coconut Tree.  

That seems to be the crowning achievement to this ball of laughs. 
 

Lindsay Lohan insists she’s not an addict:

Perhaps, I should amend my earlier comments to say “Wake me up when both Spears and Lohan come back to Earth”. 

Strike that, I’d never wake up. 

Lohan has gone on record over her recent rehab stint to Allure magazine that she’s not really an addict…  

“I don't know that I'm necessarily an addict," she says in the latest issue. Instead, Lohan says she's taking a suggestion from her therapist and describes her 30-day stint  as simply a means to "take care of my personal health." 

She goes on to say that she only stayed there because hey, there’s no cameras there! 

I just felt safe," she says. "I thought, 'I'm going to stay here tonight.' And I stayed there. For a month. It was great." 

Right. That’s the reason. 

I guess she just has a problem of saying “No more” and “Get that Camera out of my face!”.  
 

Rosie O’Donnell’s R Family Pleasure Cruise staying clear of Bermuda 

The last time her cruise for gay families docked there in 2004 (as part of the documentary All Aboard: Rosie’s Family Cruise!), the British island’s religious community met the passengers at the docks with protests on their gay rights and other not so nice themes. This wasn’t exactly the best route to go about things seeing how there’s children aboard the cruise ship. 

As such, Rosie’s planned cruiseliner get away this summer will be avoiding the port of Bermuda instead opting for stopping points along Key West. 

"The Prime Minister of Bermuda personally contacted me to let me know that he and his government welcome all tourists regardless of sexual orientation or religious affiliation," Kaminsky said in a statement on the company's Website. "We also received hundreds of emails from Bermuda residents, welcoming us to their country.   

"However, Kelli and I are not 100 percent confident that some protesters would not meet us upon our arrival. While those groups may be the minority voice, we feel our cruise would be more enjoyable with an alternate itinerary to ports where we know we are welcome by everyone."   

Kaminsky concluded that the actions of a few do not necessarily represent the feelings of many.  

"Please note that we feel Bermuda is welcoming to gay and lesbian tourists," he said. "However, there is a minority of vocal churches who do not welcome us. Most residents of Bermuda and the government have been extremely respectful to our group, and we do not want our change of plans to be interpreted as anything but a response to a few local (but vocal) church groups.   

"I offered to meet with any or all churches that would be willing to talk this out face-to-face," Kaminsky said. "Not one church took me up on my offer."   

Really strange, yet refreshing to see Rosie not make this into a public free for all. Intelligent way to go about it too because it pits the religious group in Bermuda as the hate mongrels here. 
 

Suspect of Jam Master Jay slaying caught?

I guess “late” is better then never as is most cases revolving around rapping related murders. The five year old murder of Run DMC Jay seems to be closing its investigative books at this point. 

According to court papers filed earlier, Ronald "Tinard" Washington has been identified ad the armed accomplice of the still-unidentified gunman who shot Jay, whose real name was Jason Mizell. 

Washington has also been tagged as a suspect in the 1995 shooting death of Randy "Stretch" Walker, a close pal of the infamous rapper Tupac Shakur.  

Washington was publicly linked to Mizell's death earlier this month while he was on trial for armed robbery, of which he was convicted Apr. 5, in Brooklyn Federal Court. When the felon was deciding whether to testify on his own behalf or not, the prosecution was required to disclose any other open crimes they had linked the suspect to that might be brought up during cross-examination. 

In a letter to Judge Nina Gershon, prosecutors Sean Haran and Adam Abensohn said that they were looking at Washington for the Mizell slaying, the New York Daily News reported Monday. 

In their filing, Haran and Abensohn allege that Washington, 39, and the shooter arrived at 24/7 at about 7:30 p.m. on the night of Mizell's death. Then, Washington "pointed his gun at those present in the studio, ordered them on the ground and provided cover for his associate to shoot and kill Jason Mizell." 
 

About damn time. 
 

That’s going to do it for this edition of Superficial Slobber. See you again soon, fellow Maniacs.