Divi-Chan Strikes Back: The Interview - Mania.com

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Divi-Chan Strikes Back: The Interview

By Roman Martel     March 25, 1999

3/25/99 - Well fellow Anime on DVD readers it seems that I was duped into thinking that this interview was with our beloved Divi-chan when in fact it was with an imposter who looked and acted much like her. This imposter's name is Diva and she has been making trouble for Divi for a while now. Looks like Diva wants to break into show biz and it trying any way she can. That includes deceiving me. So what you are about to read it an interview with Diva pretending to be Divi... this is an example of the pranks Diva likes to play... So keep your eyes peeled we may be seeing more of Diva before to long. RJM

Well, folks, it?s been over six months since my first interview with our favorite animated girl, Divi. Now she?s back and with a vengeance. So I?m going back into the trenches and putting my life on the line for all you fans out there. So without further ado, here?s Divi!

RJM: Hi Divi, thanks for coming back for more interview fun.

Divi: No problem. I had fun the last time.

RJM: Well I?m just gonna warn you, I asked for some question from our pals on the forum and they got very creative.

Divi: (with an evil grin) I can get creative too.

RJM: (sweating) Uh huh, well, let?s get started. How have you been doing in your travels on the net?

Divi: I?ve been having the most incredible time. I?ve been hanging around with all my anime friends and been learning all kinds of things.

RJM: Sounds good, any raids I should know about?

Divi: Well we canceled the raid on ADV when they announced Tekken. So Dan can rest easy that we won?t destroy his website. Our next target is Anime Village. I?ve gotten some surveillance done and it shouldn?t be too much of a hassle.

RJM: Well, don?t be too destructive, O.K.

Divi: You didn?t hear me say it, you weren?t here. (smiles)

RJM: What about Disney and their stance on DVD...they do have the rights to the Miyazaki films.

Divi: Oh yes I know all about that... The Mouse doesn?t have a chance against me and my friends. Why just the other day I was talking with Minnie May Hopkins about The Mouse and she said...Well I won?t go into that...

RJM: Well they might not put them out on DVD, since they don?t have the rights to them.

Divi: Oh I know about that, I just don?t want them on... that other format. (she gets a very nasty evil look.)

RJM: (shifting uncomfortably) Well, since you brought it up, any plans in your campaign against Div...(she gives me a look)... that other format?

Divi: Well, I am getting a very large very powerful group of friends to help me stage a very productive raid on Circuit City Headquarters... It is still in the planning stages, but these planners are masterminds of tactics and assault. I think we have a very good chance of creating havoc. (she smiles pleasantly)

RJM: Are you pleased that no anime company has put anything out on that other format yet?

Divi: Of course. If they did they would have to deal with me, and I think that?s what?s stopping them.

RJM: If I knew you were coming after me with an army of anime characters I?d be thinking twice as well.

Divi: That?s sweet. (She blushes a bit)

RJM: So how?s James Dawsey (Divi?s creator) and Chris been treating ya?

Divi: James has been so nice, he?s created the new outfit I have now. He?s been working hard lately going to cons and such so I?ve had some free time to cruise around. Chris has also been very nice and lets me roam around the pages with impunity.

RJM: That is very kind of him.

Divi: I?m just not allowed to get too rowdy.

RJM: You wouldn?t get rowdy would you?

Divi: I can?t answer that without incriminating myself.

RJM: Well, are you ready for the questions from the forum?

Divi: Bring them on!

RJM: O.K. the first is from Lady Cat. Do you have a fetish about seeing guys in their school suits (e.g. Makoto?s clothes)? Do you wear anything under that short pleated skirt?

Divi: Well, some guys look so cute in those little suits. Makato obviously. But some guys just shouldn?t wear that kind of thing. If you are one of those guys do not, I repeat do not wear that kind of suit. You have been warned. As for the other question... We?ll if you are so curious you could take a look Lady Cat (winks). Of course we know what curiosity did to the cat. Next.

RJM: Jim Lazar asks- Do you like being on top now?

Divi: Well, Jim I?ve always liked being on top. (giggle) Now at least I can look down at the buttons and no one can really sneak up on me. It?s also fun to pounce on someone from that height. I learned that from Felicia from Darkstalkers.

RJM: Bugen asks- What hair dye do you use? (That green hair can?t be natural, can it...?) What do you think of your next-door neighbor? (The anime character on the Anime on DVD banner)

Divi: Now because I?m a nice girl I?m not gonna slay you with my twin golden DVD?s of death. Yes this is my natural hair color. Jeez, some people. Well, I like my neighbor, except she is obsessed with that DVD. Not all DVD?s but just that one. I keep trying to tell her you have to buy a machine to play it but, she?s too busy watching it spin and spin and spin... come to think about it, that?s kinda hypnotic. Spinning and spinning and spinning...

RJM: (waits a minute) Ummmhmmm Divi, snap out of it kid. (taps her virtual shoulder).

Divi: Huh, Oh sorry about that.

RJM: It happens. Next... The Anime Ghoul asks- What kind of guys do you like? Would you ever marry a carbon-based life form? What are your three sizes? What do you hate the most about die-hard anime fans? What do you think the future will hold for anime in general acceptance five years?

Divi: Wow, what a curious soul. I like guys who are kind, and understanding. I really have a problem if all they want to do is get into my skirt. Also if they want to rule the world, galaxy, or universe, I usually steer clear of them. I?m not materialistic so even if they have a real expensive mecha and even if it transforms, I will not just drop everything for them. I need a nice guy, like Makato, but maybe a little swifter. My three sizes... Good night everybody.

RJM: Hey you haven?t answered all his questions yet.

Divi: Well, I?ll skip that one and go to the next. I don?t like when die-hard Anime fans start getting pushy (giving me the evil eye). Sometimes these fans get a little hostile and that?s not what being a fan is all about. I won?t get into that here, but I don?t like pushy fans. As for that last question... well, when I get back from the future with Washu, Kiyone, and Tenchi I?ll tell ya.

RJM: Seriously?

Divi: Yes. You should see Washu?s time machine, awe inspiring.

RJM: I?ll do that. Next up is the Anime Ghoul part TWO the saga continues...

Divi: Wow, the man is curious.

RJM: Will you ever appear in a skimpy pink leotard with a bunny tail and ears What are your favorite junk-foods Have you ever dressed up for Halloween? If so, what? Will you ever appear in a yellow and black tiger-striped bikini Will you ?unofficially? marry me?

Divi: Well, I don?t know about the pink part, but if James wants to try and make that outfit, I suppose I could arrange that...I prefer black, or deep green. Bunny ears and a tail could be fun, hey stop drooling Mr. Ghoul. I love, simply love, super, super, super, chocolatey ice cream. The more chocolate the better. I?ve dressed up for Halloween once, I went as Deedlit from Record of Lodoss War. Unfortunately I ran into Parn and I had to knock him out. I don?t look good in yellow, but I could do black and green tiger stripes. Hey wait a sec my pal Lum has an outfit like that... are you trying to tell me something? Well if you ask nicely and beg like a good boy... (evil laugh) I might think about marrying you, but not for too long (A very long very evil laugh).

RJM: Wow that was impressive.

Divi: I try.

RJM: Next up,...

Divi: Anime Ghoul part 3!

RJM: No, Paul Gubbins asks- Does the robot that U.S. Manga has as a mascot ever talk to you? Are all those scantily clad females on the ADV site bimbo?s? How does the Manga Logo keep burning but not burn up? Pioneer, new or old logo preference? Can you give CPM a hand on their web page, they seem to update it on a semi-annual basis? Can your bow tie turn into a 6 foot long two headed battle axe? How far could you drop kick one of them little Pokemon thingy's? Have you threatened AV with certain doom if they don?t release Escaflowne on DVD? Have you ever put on a tan leotard and been mistaken for a palm tree? Do your eyes get dry or do you just blink so fast no one can see it?

Divi: Another curious guy. O.K. No the U.S. Manga Robot has not talked to me. He?s empty. The rumor is that the pilot ran off with Fatora from El Hazard, after they laid eyes on each other. I can?t prove it but I?m willing to say it?s true. Now don?t you call Kei and Yuri Bimbos to their faces, or they might blow up our planet. They are very nice girls. The Manga Logo is made of a special metal call Tenchillium. It?s very dense and slow burning. It will burn long into the next century at this point. I happen to prefer the old Pioneer logo because it was fun to kick the tuning fork and make it ring. I?ve tried to help out CPM before and I found out a strange little gnome runs off with their E-mail (no I?m not making this up) I?ve teamed up with Rally Vincent and Iria to track him down. No, my bowtie can?t turn into an axe. That?s silly. It turns into a pair of wings, so I can fly. I?ll get back to the Pokemon thing in a minute. I told you about AV and our raid...hope they?re listening. I?m not sure what you are implying with the leotard thing, but I can assure you no one would mistake me for a palm tree. Perhaps a Douglas Fir but not a palm tree (winks). I actually blink very slow, I think you should have your eyes checked Paul.

RJM: What about the Pokemon?

Divi: I?ll save that for the end of the interview, it?s a long story. Who?s next?

RJM: A being known only as Laughing Cat asks... Have you ever had an SD moment? If so what was it like? Do you have any pictures of you in SD form? How about some pictures of you in naughty positions while wearing a very small tight fitting schoolgirl outfit?

Divi: Yes Mr. Cat I have had a Super Deformed moment, gotta tell you, it?s a strange thing. First of all, no one tells you that this can happen. I think that?s because it?s kinda embarrassing, (Imagine Lord Ashram Super Deformed, see I told ya so). Also no one tells you that suddenly the world becomes a very large deformed place. Also this is a contagious disease. If you suddenly see your companion become Super Deformed watch out. It could happen to you. Well actually it doesn?t happen to humans just us anime characters. It doesn?t hurt, it?s just embarrassing. Fortunately James has not had the opportunity to scan me in SD mode, thank the maker. So you want pictures of me in naughty positions while wearing a unusually small tight fitting schoolgirl outfit, eh? Here?s the deal LaughingCat, I?ll trade ya. I want pictures of you in naughty positions in a very small tight fitting schoolgirl outfit for pics of me the same way... Who?s laughing now ?

RJM: Well Divi that?s it except for the Pokemon story. Tell us a story Divi! It?s story time everyone!

Divi: You are an odd one, guess that?s why Chris puts up with you.

RJM: Which Chris?

Divi: Both.

RJM: Well, it?s story time.

Divi: O.K. settle down children. Once upon a time, I was traveling with my friends, Rally, Nanami (from El Hazard), Minnie May, and Lina Inverse. We were all in Rally?s Cobra (yes it was a tight fit) and we were having a girls night out. We were supposed to meet Naga, Priss and Becky at some place called Hot Legs or something like that. Anyway we?re driving (you know how Rally drives) and suddenly this little Pikachu wanders out in front of the car. Well Rally slams on her brakes and barely misses the Pokemon, only to crash into a nearby light post. Well she?s pissed. Nanami, Minnie May and Lina are all making sure the Pokemon is all right and all it can say is Pikachu and variants on that theme. Anyway, Rally just loses it. She turns to me and says, ?grab that thing and get ready to kick it as high and far as you can.? It sounds like fun, and are you really gonna argue with a woman with a CZ75? Neither did I. So I grab Pikachu, Rally yells pull and I drop kick him. (Yes, Paul, I do eventually get to your question). He went flying, yelling Pika Pika the whole time. Rally takes aim and fires.

RJM: Holy...

Divi: That?s what Lina said. Anyway, Rally just winged him. I can tell you that Pokemon is never gonna wander in front of a car again. So in answer to Paul?s question, yes I have drop kicked a Pokemon and yes they fly farther and higher than soccer balls.

RJM: There?s a lesson in that one kids, never wander in front of a speeding Shelby Cobra, you might get drop kicked and shot at.

Divi: In an interesting side note, Nanami found the little critter nursed him back to health and sold him to some kid named Ash as a stunt double in some TV. show. She made a pretty penny off of it.

RJM: Well, Divi, it?s been educational and fun.

Divi: Sure has, let?s do it again. Next time give me some hard questions.

RJM: Well, I don?t know about that.

Divi: I do. (giggles)


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