Keanu Reeves in action in THE MATRIX
© 1999 Warner Brothers

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Enter November

On a non-television note does anybody know what's up with once hip filmmakers doing heartwarming star vehicles. I'm specifically talking about Jon Favreau (writer of SWINGERS) directing ELF and Richard Linklater (DAZED AND CONFUSED) directing THE SCHOOL OF ROCK (with a script by Mike "CHUCK & BUCK" White no less). Are we soon going to see other "cult" figures taking on the star vehicle? What's next? David Lynch directs Tim Meadows in THE LADIES MAN II? God, I hope so.

Well folks we've got a lot of television listed this week, so why not print yourself a handy dandy copy of this article so as to carry around like a love letter from a secret admirer, who in their note writes nothing about any emotional feelings towards you and instead fills the message with various television programs being played throughout the week.

Hate smurfs? Tell me about it at TVWasteland@cinescape.com.

THE FAIRLY ODD PARENTS (8 pm, NIK) Vicky abducts a teen singer. Tells her, "it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." (Repeat)

THE MATRIX (8 pm, TBS) A

The one that started it all: THE MATRIX.

© Warner Bros.

CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) A recently looted house houses the corpse of a woman.

EVERWOOD (9 pm, WB) A collapsed coal mine traps a group of all-star coal miners (Beau Bridges, James Earl Jones, Kirsten Nelson).

24 (8 pm, FOX) First a rerun of last week's episode, then this week Jack is thrown off the trail by a teenager unwittingly used as a pawn.

PORN SCHOOL (8:30 pm, HOTNET) Yep, PORN SCHOOL.

MI-5 (9 pm, A&E) Tom tries to stop a political assassination. Go Tom.

LITTLE BUDDHA (9:30 pm, IFC) Internationally respected director Bernardo Bertolucci casts Keanu Reeves as the title character. Whoa.

ENTERPRISE (8 pm,

Cartoon Network's TEEN TITANS, let's go!

© Warner Brothers

SMALLVILLE (8 pm, WB) Clark travels into the past, but fails to take advantage of the low gas prices and stupendous grocery savings available.

ANGEL (9 pm, WB) A wrestler has to defeat a crazy heart eating Aztec warrior. No word yet on if the defeat has to take place in the ring.

JAKE 2.0 (9 pm, UPN) A dangerous mercenary may be in Washington. Jake may do something about it.

THE PRODUCERS (8 pm, BRAVO) Mel Brooks' greatest achievement before it was a Tony Award-winning Broadway musical.

POWERPUFF GIRLS

© 2003 DC Comics

POWERPUFF GIRLS (8 pm, Nick) The Rowdyruff boys return.

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9 pm, CBS) A dog finds a human head; declares it "tasty."

WITHOUT A TRACE (10 pm, CBS) A teen who disappeared while allegedly studying for his SATs may have vanished while attending an afternoon sex party; presumably to ace the "afternoon sex party" section of the SATs.

TREMORS: THE SERIES (8 pm, SCIFI) A petty criminal risks becoming worm food for the sake of money. (Repeat)

REBA (8 pm, WB) Reba dishes out the sass until her children cry.

IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD (8 pm, TCM) Insanely tedious, incredibly long motion picture that has been deemed a comedy classic.

STARGATE SG-1 (9 pm, SCIFI) It's the wacky race to save the world episode. (Repeat)

THE LONGEST DAY (8 pm,

Archer finds himself unable to remember the preceding day's memories in "Twilight".

© UPN

TEEN TITANS (9 pm, TOON) Beast Boy start giving out lessons.

L.A. DRAGNET (10 pm, ABC) An Orthodox priest loses his head.

THE SIMPSONS (8 pm, Fox) Homer attempt to free his mom by commandeering a prison bus.

CHARMED (8 pm, WB) The Lady of the Lake pleads for help to protect the sword in the stone. Piper decides that "strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is a basis for a system of government" and so offers aid.

ALIAS (9 pm, ABC)

Jennifer Garner from the third season of ALIAS.

© ABC

TARZAN (9 pm, WB) Richard blames Tarzan for Michael's death.

And that's a wrap. Remember till next week, buckle up, drive safe and if you're pulled over for reckless driving be sure to tell the policeman "But officer, I swear it wasn't me driving it was the invisible monkey. Look he's getting away, catch him, catch him!" That'll make you look really smart.

Tim Conway, romantic leading man? Let me know what you think at Tvwasteland@Cinescape.com

TV Wasteland is our weekly Television column.