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February 10 February 16: Tuesday Night Troubles

Random thoughts alert!

You know what? Tuesday nights are too crowded, TVwise. There's BUFFY, GILMORE GIRLS, 24, AMERICAN IDOL (please forgive me, I can't help myself), SMALLVILLE, KINGPIN, THE SHIELD, and to a lesser extent - A.U.S.A. and LESS THAN PERFECT. It's just too much and some things get missed. I hate missing things. Who can I pay to get some of these shows moved to the virtual TV watching wasteland that is Monday nights?

You guys watching JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE? It's no DAILY SHOW or CONAN O'BRIEN, but I really like it. Sure, it's not perfect and things go wrong all the time, but that's why I like watching it. The more I watch it the more I find myself just really liking Kimmel (paging Sonia's new crush).

Ladies and gentlemen, sitting on my desk is the DVD of Sci Fi's new miniseries CHILDREN OF DUNE (which starts in March). It's sitting right next to the ANGEL first season DVD set (which comes out on Tuesday, Feb. 11) I got. How many of you just wish you were me right now?

Yeah, so anyway, let me know what you think? E-mail it to me at RedSonia@cinescape.com. But please, when you email me, make sure you put something in the subject line other than "Hi" and "Hey" because sometimes I open those and they're ads for porn sites. It's gotten to the point where I deleted those emails that don't have a more substantive subject line, but I love hearing from you guys and I don't want to delete your email thinking it's porn.

Now, let me break down the week for you. Oh, and as always, check your local listings.

Monday, february 10

Neo-Nazis target

The cast of CHARMED: Alyssa Milano, Holly Marie Combs, and Rose McGowan.

© 2001 The WB

Host James Lipton asks questions of and looks longingly at Martin Scorsese in tonight's INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO (Bravo, 8 p.m.).

Ephram asks Colin's sister out on a date in tonight's all-new EVERWOOD at 9 p.m.

It's Horatio vs. radioactive material in tonight's all-new CSI: MIAMI (CBS, 10 p.m.). Here's to hoping that he turns into Radioactive Man.

Callan is asked by the daughter of an overworked doctor to check out unusual communications from one of his patients in tonight's all-new MIRACLES (ABC, 10 p.m.). I'm guessing the patient uses a singing telegram. That's unusual, right?

The school holds a film festival in tonight's all-new CLONE HIGH (MTV, 10:30 p.m.). [Insert your own ATTACK OF THE CLONES joke here.]

TUESDAY, february 11

Buffy goes to dinner with sexy Principal Wood and Xander gets a date with singer Ashanti in tonight's all-new BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (UPN, 8 p.m.).

Rory asks Jess to attend a Friday supper at her grandmother's house in tonight's all-new GILMORE GIRLS (WB, 8 p.m.). Yep, I'm sure nothing will go wrong there.

It's 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. in tonight's all-new 24 (Fox, 9 p.m.) and Mason tells Tony to stop searching for Kim and focus on "this whole bomb threat thing." Smart move, Mason. But does this mean we have to keep seeing her? Her story sucks.

Lex finds his long-lost brother Lucas in tonight's all-new SMALLVILLE (WB, 9 p.m.). People on TV are always discovering long lost relatives. That has never happened to me.

Miguel goes into business with a shady new doc who wants to amp up the drug supplies in tonight's all-new KINGPIN (NBC, 10 p.m.).

Detectives Wagenbach, Mackey and Wyms investigate a massacre at a women's shelter in tonight's all-new THE SHIELD (FX, 10 p.m.). If you are watching NYPD BLUE instead of THE SHIELD then I proclaim thee a sucker.

WEDNESDAY, february 12

Archer is ordered to mediate a bloody planetary dispute between the Andorians and their long-time Vulcan nemeses in tonight's all-new ENTERPRISE (UPN, 8 p.m.). Maybe he should send in some weapons inspectors or something.

Jordan tries to impress his first crush with magic tricks in tonight's all-new BERNIE MAC (Fox, 9 p.m.). Well, magic tricks do help David Blaine get chicks.

D'oh. Angel's soul

Martin Scorsese with his 2003 Golden Globe Award as Best Director for Gangs of New York copyright Sue Schneider

© 2003 Sue Schneider

I don't know exactly what tonight's all-new THE WEST WING (NBC, 9 p.m.) is about but I bet Josh pretends like he's not hot for Donna and the President says something righteous. Those are just guesses though.

A teacher thinks she sees a light around people who are going to die soon in tonight's all-new THE TWILIGHT ZONE (UPN, 9 p.m.). She could be mistaken. Maybe she just sees a light around people who are going to diet soon.

Don't forget to check out tonight's SOUTH PARK (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.).

THURSDAY, february 13

I'm only telling you this once: SURVIVOR: AMAZON premieres tonight at 8 p.m. on CBS. Consider yourself warned.

ABC is premiering its new sleazy reality show ARE YOU HOT? THE SEARCH FOR AMERICA'S SEXIEST PEOPLE at 8 p.m. Wouldn't it be cooler if ABC searched for America's ugliest people?

The good news is tonight's all-new CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (CBS, 9:30 p.m.) is 90 minutes. The bad news is Grissom gets a little action from a dominatrix. Oh wait, that's good news too.

Noggin has got a full hour of my hero DARIA starting at 9:30 p.m.

IFC has got MURDER BY NUMBERS at 9:45 p.m. No, not that lame Sandra Bullock movie. This one is a documentary that focuses on the rise of serial killer movies in the '70s.

FRIDAY, february 14

Happy Valentine's Day!

Jenny McCarthy is a sexy counterfeiter in tonight's all-new FASTLANE (Fox, 8 p.m.).

A Gou'ald mothership crash-lands in the Pacific Ocean in tonight's STARGATE SG-1 (Sci Fi, 8 p.m.).

Karen is kidnapped by people who know exactly who Doe is and exactly what they want from him in tonight's all-new JOHN DOE (Fox, 9 p.m.). Well, I hope they tell us.

A tabloid TV show attempts to expose Crichton's alien comrades as menaces to Earth in tonight's all-new FARSCAPE at 9 p.m. on Sci Fi. Damn you ACCESS HOLLYWOOD!

Here's something you don't want to miss! Host James Lipton talks to the entire voice cast of THE SIMPSONS on INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO at 10 p.m.

SATURDAY, february 15

The programming geniuses at ABC are airing CHARLIE BROWN VALENTINE at 8 p.m. the day after Valentine's Day. I guess they were so busy trying to figure out what lame brained reality show to go with next that they just weren't paying attention.

During an undercover operation, agents and terrorists are forced to battle a radioactive octopus in OCTOPUS (Sci Fi, 8 p.m.). I know how that feels. I've been on dates with my fair share of frat guys.

The Cartoon Network has got a full hour of JUSTICE LEAGUE, starting at 9 p.m.

Dylan and the crew try to rescue passengers of a doomed high-guard ship in tonight's GENE RODDENBERRY'S ANDROMEDA (check local listings).

Comedy Central has got a THAT'S MY BUSH marathon starting at 10:30 p.m.

SUNDAY, february 16

Hank and Peggy see a marriage counselor in tonight's KING OF THE HILL (Fox, 7 p.m.).

Woo-hoo! In honor of the 300^th episode of THE SIMPSONS, Fox is airing three episodes starting at 7:30 p.m.

Remember 21 JUMP STREET? Or WEREWOLF? Or PARKER LEWIS CAN'T LOSE? Well then you probably remember MARRIED... WITH CHILDREN, which is getting a reunion show at 9 p.m. on Fox.

UPN is

THE SHIELD

© FX

The sisters lose their power in tonight's CHARMED (WB, 8 p.m.). Now they're just regular ol' hot babes in skimpy outfits.

A major bust is about to go down in tonight's all-new KINGPIN (NBC, 10 p.m.).

Friday suspects that a movie producer knows more than she admits about her partner's murder in tonight's all-new DRAGNET (ABC, 10 p.m.). A movie producer who lies? I don't believe it.

After learning Stillson's congressional rival - a long-time incumbent - is a war veteran with a dark secret, Johnny ponders whether the truth is more important that Stillson's defeat in tonight's all-new THE DEAD ZONE (USA, 10 p.m.). A politician with a dark secret? I don't believe it.

Don't forget to check out tonight's all-new OZ (HBO, 9 p.m.).

FUTURAMA kicks off the Cartoon Network's line-up of ADULT SWIM starting at 10 p.m.

Remote Patrol is our weekly Television column.